What I Want

Someone asked me last night, if I could anything at all, no bars to hold me down, nothing in the way, with all the money in the world, what would I do?

I thought about it. Three things came to mind: music, social/legal/humanitarian work, and film/writing. I couldn't decide. I wanted all three. But he said to choose and I said, "Okay, probably something in music." I didn't care what, but being able to listen to, and analyze music perhaps, or give feedback to bands and artists.

Then, this morning I think, "No, it would probably be writing." It's what I do anyway and what I love. But I'd like to be paid to focus my writing. Not technical writing, but something else and get paid for it. But maybe I would visit others and have an artistic circle of friends to socialize with.

Then I think, too, writing is fun, creatively, but not necessarily challenging for my mind. Creative writing is more of a spontaneous thing but I am most challenged by problems that need solutions. Like investigative work but I'm pissed about the U.S. and how they run things. I would like to work on Princess Diana's case with a team, frankly. That's about it. Or cases like that and I think I'm sharp enough to figure out some angles. I would need someone to help me prune my brainstorming or brainstemming, but I would be good at it.

But most of all, I want my son. No matter what I do, anything is wrong without him.

Also, I really did like Chris D. I wanted him, but that's not going to happen. He is a swinger who lies and lives with Spiderwoman. And she is not his sister. I have thought more and realize, he is NOT Will. He is Chris or this other guy Bryan or whatever. From NYC.

Will is a lot like him but is different. I have never met anyone as crazy as myself with so much in common in a weird way, like the protesting thing I heard about, and some other things we have in common. But, like I said, I am not the type of person who thinks it's just great to have someone I love try to set me up with other men who are all over me. It's gross. I'll pick out my own people besides and don't need to be sold and advertised as a piece of ham on the chopping block. I mean, cute.

Oh, my other suggestion or idea, for what I could do, would be to detect spies and undercover people.

I WANT TO GET FUCKING PAID FOR WHAT I DO AND WHAT I'M GOOD AT. DETECTING AND ROOTING OUT SPIES WHO ARE DRAWN TO ME LIKE MAGNETS. I should be fucking PAID for doing what I already do and have done. I want to see some fucking money honey.

Give me your best spy and I give him about 3 months with me, tops. I've got him nailed down, sized up, personality typed, profiled, and found out from top to bottom.
Chris Dabney? ENTJ. I think. All of these guys...very close to hitting bottom and not resurfacing after falling for me. So give me fucking credit. I am a honeypot and I'm not getting paid for my time. ASSHOLES.

What I envison, is sessions. I could coach all these spies on what they give away and what's just NOT "working". How much? I think I should be paid what I'm fucking worth for once. Which would mean one day with me, to size up your spies, is $500. It's like a psych eval, but I would call it a spy eval. because I will tell you what doesn't pass with a smart woman like myself, the likes of whom your idiots might end up entangling themselves with at some point, give themselves away, and throw all that nice training down the tubes.

Chris has a nice office job as an analyst before him at this point.