Dream Of My Son & My Tentative Strategy & Hopes

All that to say, last night, after I was home, I had a very, very, long and detailed dream about my son and he wasn't happy. He was coping and trying to appear happy to placate others because he was worried someone else would leave him. I dreamed he was with all these different people who were trying to make him happy and lauhg, and he wanting me. I saw my son in distress and it was the longest dream I've had in a long time. I woke up my ex (who I, hahah! share a bed with but don't have sex with anymore) and told him about my dream and said I knew I had to leave as soon as possible, to see my son. I couldn't put it off.

I asked him if there was any way to maybe help with a ticket still, to get to Wenatchee and back, to visit my son at least and then come back to the D.C. area to finish up some medical stuff here that I already have in the works.

If I can rally some support from a few different friends, groups, and countries, I want to go to Wenatchee ASAP, but to visit for a week, and then come back to the D.C. area to finish evaluations over here and get my driver's license switched over to this area, since I've been here longer than 6 months, it's necessary and it means I'll be able to drive in Washington state without having to pay off tickets I got for, most of the time, things I did NOT even do, as an excuse to search my car.

So I want my son to see me, and then come back, because Wenatchee isn't going to give me more than 4 hours anyway, a WEEK, so there is no reason to stay in Wenatchee except to show up for visitation. As far as I know, if I'm just coming in for visitation of my son, the state pays for the hotel, and I forgot that. So they'll be liable for paying for at least 1-2 nights. I would fly directly back to the D.C. area but I don't know how long CPS will drag out "making arrangements" since they told me, by email, they're not even going to set anything up until I show up. Which isn't fair to me, when I have to make flight plans and I'm only going there to visit my son, not to hang out, or do any of their "services" and nonsense shit. I can't get medical care there either so no way.

So I want to visit my son ASAP, come back to D.C. area to finish epilepsy evals and get my back and pelvic problems fixed (because it will NOT happen in Washington state and I've been there, tried that and the state has made themselves the enemy).

As SOON as my back is at least fixed, and I can manage work without pain, sitting or standing, I will work FT but I would have to be in Washington state to keep visiting my son. Somehow, I don't see myself getting "ahead", in any way, in Wenatchee. There is nothing I could do there, to make money. It's a hole and I have enemies, and the enemies are the ones who run the town. I think I have friends there too, but my friends are the poor people. At least in Wenatchee, in general.

So I was thinking, since my Pakistani friend might have a situation for me to live somewhere in this area, I might ask if he knows if I could at all get assistance from Pakistani or other people in the Washington area, so I can be stronger there.

Maybe, maybe, I might have a little help from someone else, for lawyer costs, for a lawyer in Washington state. Which would be huge, but nothing is certain now.

My goal is be able to fight the federal violations, and also appeal the state case based on the fact they made me be pro se when I told them, repeatedly, I did not feel well enough physically, and had injuries which made this difficult for me, and also, I have proof my legal help wasn't help at all but a harm.

I'm not going to Wenatchee to get trapped there. My son needs to see me, but the state does not need to have any control whatsoever.

My date last night, thought it was absolutely bizarre they took my son with ZERO evidence that I had a mental illness, when I'd never been diagnosed by anyone, and when the only evidence from anyone who dealt with counseling or mental illness, was CLEARING me of having any problems. The only people claiming I was mentally ill were the SAME medical professionals who said they had not physically harmed me and my son, who knew I was going to sue them for malpractice. They said I was drug seeking and delusional and that my injuries were "imaginary". And the state, including Michelle Erikson, mocked me about this, telling the judge I didn't have any physical injuries and that it was in my head and I was wrong to go to the hospital when I did, with my son, for very real medical problems which those medical professionals refused to treat or even provide diagnostics for. They KNEW what they had done and they tried to cover it up. So, no one on the East Coast believes there is anything wrong with me, but I've got assholes in the NW trying to put something on me, and the U.S. government trying to put me in jail and harassing me, STILL. Most recently, trying to pull a sting and set me up and still covering up for obstruction of justice by the FBI and Department of Justice.

So what I would like to do, if possible, is hold the state accountable for this, and have the FBI called to task for what they did to me as well. Get my son back, on fair terms which clear my name.

I then want to move back to the D.C. area because I really want to meet more international people here. I would also like to get involved with art and music, but I know I want to raise my son, if it's in the U.S. at all, on the East Coast, not NW.

Yeah, I used to think it was a fascinating idea to be a spy or undercover, but no thanks. I've seen enough of that. What I want to do, something I would personally like to put together, is meet people from all the different embassies and see if we could all put on a concert.

I have this idea or vision (not psychic vision), for singers and musicians from all of the different countries, to organize and put together a concert for the people. Not for any one type of people, but for all of our people. I don't know if I am thinking some experimental jamming and exchanges could be done, to create new music to present, because then I don't know...that would probably then involve copyright and red tape crap, as in who owns it or created it. I don't know, maybe some things could be worked out. But I think it would be cool for musicians and singers to come together, no matter what country they're from or whatever they're political ideals, and just put on a concert. I think it could be done in any country of course, and believe me, I am not fond of what I've seen and experienced from some of these American assholes, the government, but since so many people are in the D.C. area, with headquarters here for their countries, at least we could make use of the mall or some kind of venue. I don't think outdoor concerts are the best because it's more difficult to manage and control the sound. Weather variables besides. I don't know of a building large enough or with good enough sound to accomodate everyone though. I would like for it to be free, too, for regular people to come see without having to pay anything, but then there are all these costs in setting things up. I think musicians and singers could be persuaded to donate their time but some things would be difficult, cost-wise. It would also be cool to have donations or something, for a common cause. I don't know what cause would appeal to every single nation though. I mean, everyone is economically sort of strapped and going through hard times, but if there were donations, who would they go to...? something that would appeal to all the countries, no matter what religion or nationality? I want to think about it more and refine my idea.

NYC would probably have bigger venues for putting something on, but D.C. is a little more neutral. I also think it shouldn't be a talent show, in the sense of competition. I am thinking more along the lines, of all this talent from different countries, hmmm. I don't know. Creating music together would take a long time. I mean, to put completely new material together could be amazing, but it would take a lot of time and joint cooperation and being able to have people at the same place for practice and experimenting. You can't put anything together, I don't think, without proximity. I mean, someone can work independently and come up with a melody and then bring it over and have others work on other aspects. It's common, to come with different pieces created alone and then mix it up, but at some point, you just have to be meeting and working it out. So I don't know how that could be done.

Ne-Yo "Because of You"...it doesn't stand out to me but for some reason, I stopped to really pay attention to the words. Some songs are good white noise to write to and others sort of command attention. I'm not sure why this one did, for me. I'd have to analyze it. Maybe his vocal delivery. I don't know, but I was paying attention to every word.

So anyway, I am thinking of a concert where it's not competetive but collaborative. Competition is good, in a sense, it would be there, but the drive to be better for the purpose to creating something beautiful that hasn't been heard before would be really cool. I know there are a lot of artists with strong philosophies and ideals, even in history, some have BEEN spies, but I think it would be really cool to use that power of music, to just produce something really amazing. Every country appreciates music from other countries, and art, and I just wonder if, aside from coming together on this common ground alone--music--there is something else all would want to contribute too. I think children are pretty neutral, but whose children, and where? If I can't come up with a neutral and agreeable cause, I wonder if I could sell the idea of music for music's sake, and the celebration of all the world's talent. It would be cool to have people no one has ever heard of, too, young or old, as well as seasoned pros. It seems too broad, but I'll just to think a little more about it.

I like the idea of finding new artists, too, who are from other countries, and instead of stealing them away to the U.S., to help develop and encourage their talent and taking some of the money for the U.S., or proceeds, but also putting most of that back into their country of origin, if they want that.

Maybe it could just be a celebration of musical talent, from all countries, and a way to encourage everyone, everywhere, not to worry about the economy. I mean, the situation NOW, for me is no different to my life than how my life was 5 years ago, but some lives have really been affected.

The other thing I think is so strange, is how the economy just collapses when so much of it is built on faith. I mean, the actual NATURAL resources have not disappeared. It's not like we hit a famine or something. Historically, I mean, back when, countries and people suffered when there was an actual draught or crops didn't succeed. Now, it's all about faith and securities. So the plunge was in fake assets and marks to begin with and that caused consumer doubt and banks and insurance and mortgage businesses went out and started a chain reaction. I think the main thing is consumer confidence at this point. People have lost money and housing and all that bail out money should NOT have gone to banks and companies. In my opinion, it should have gone directly into the hands of the taxpaying public. If this had been done, without strings attached, consumer confidence would be up, goods would be bought, and businesses saved. The U.S. economist experts screwed up. They should have, for once, put the big money right into the hands of the people.

It would have been a HUGE, HUGE, historical move and would have been radical, but look at how well giving the big bucks to big business has gone.

The other thing the U.S. should do, is put massive amounts of money into FBI or other organizations for fighting corporate crime. It's the CORPORATE criminals who did this, and who get away with everything, all the time. They are untouchable and use their money to intimidate others and keep prosecution at bay. These people should all be investigated and consumer confidence will increase when the consumers actually see ACCOUNTABILITY from those who did the damage.