Creeps (and, separately, Colombian Dance)

Sophie Ellis-Bextor's "Catch you" is very good. I am sort of going to electronica stuff in the vein of Ladygaga.

It was an interesting night last night. I texted a couple people, one guy who was a little sketchy who wanted me to meet with him. It was very odd, and I texted him to see what he'd do and then this morning he wanted me to meet him.

Then I, hahahaa, wrote a text telling him something and that some of his friends questioned his motives about me and this was my message to him from God. lol. So, I'm cracking up, laughing in my car, after writing "Msg. from God" and thinking it should creep him out. I think sometimes I DO get insights, but I would never purport to speak for "God Himself". lol.

Call him out and then creep him out. So he wrote back "Who is this?!" and then "Don't contact me again." He very well knew who it was. Interesting he wanted to pretend he DIDN'T know who I was.

He was just weird and how he wanted to meet me and what he had to say was just very, very, odd. What is GOOD to know, is that his friends were not necessarily all this way. One guy actually came after me and I saw the look on his face, and I know he is also Jewish and I knew he was concerned about me and a good guy. I saw him and we exchanged looks and nods, and I left. But why the other guy had an issue with me and wanted to exploit me or play mind games, I've no idea. He approached me and when I saw him walking by the window, in an unguarded moment, he looked sad. He was not up and social. Something was wrong, and he was looking at me with this odd...I don't know, I can't pin it down. But THEN, I met with him and he was totally weird.

He was trying to get into my pants, and making suggestions that he would pay me for my "services". It was sort of like a sting though, because he had fucking recording equipment out. He was decent looking, and told me he was Jewish. I kind of wondered why he was coming out for me. I thought it was because he was concerned for me and he approached me after I wrote I was thinking about marrying this Colombian guy. But it was almost like he knew the guy I knew and where to find me. He approached me the same day I wrote how I didn't want to be a "Spy". It was at the same Caribou cafe and where a ton of guys were coming in and staring at me over the coffeee creamer, pretending to be absorbed in stirring their coffee. I cannot believe how many good looking guys, who were probably fucking spies, were coming in to see who the hell I was.

Yeah, so basically, twice in D.C., someone has tried to pull a fucking sting on me. One to see if I'd take money or offer sexual services, and then another for an immigration sting. Nice work guys, but ummm, "you can't catch me"? For one thing, my own ethics are sky higher than your own ethics.

So, he went from trying to see if I'd offer something for money, to asking for a massage for money with "a happy ending" which is very familiar to things Christa Schneider was always talking about. I just wondered what is wrong with these people. So he TOLD me, when he said he wanted to meet me in his office, he was going to give me a job. Then he put out this whole trying to get me on escort stuff and he had recording stuff out and I fucking ASKED him "So what is that?!" and pointed. Then he texts me to come back later. Bryan Schmergel or something. Anyway, I don't know, it's maybe not important. Real estate biz.

His buddy, who was Jewish, came down after me, and THATS the one I'd take. He was nodding and looking at me, like "I gotcha, and sorry about the asshole." They both knew who I was. And at least one of them was a good guy. They were trying to get info on me too, or HE was. I was alone with him in his office and he left the blinds open. This was right after I wrote about maybe Chris being a spy and how he acted with the card from that woman, and he had the Jewish girlfriend at the time, and I was writing I didn't want to be a spy but I would be a fucking GOOD HONEYPOT.

He knew I was totally broke and he was trying to see if I'd take money for sex or something like that. He was telling me to break up with the Colombian guy and that I needed to just have fun with someone like him. And one minute he's promising to help me with a job and the next minute, he pulling a fucking sting on me.

So many serious fuckers in this town. So THEN, last night, I texted him when I was mad about something, and wanted to see what he'd say or do. So he says to meet him tomorrow. He wouldn't tell someone he didn't know ("who is this?!") to meet him the next day. He knows exactly who I am. So I told him I needed a job and dissed some people and he said he'd help me out.

Then today, he called several times. But then I told him I was in D.C. and he waited until I'd driven all the way over there to tell me he wasn't in D.C. today. So then I wrote him the crazy text...About, "I think some of your friends are concerned about you and your motives towards me. Msg me to you from God."

When I asked this same guy, about the job, he backtracked on everything. He just wanted info on me and to try to catch me doing something illegal. He had NYC stuff everywhere. Sports team stuff from New York.

Then I met another guy who looked like he was sort of keeping an eye on my car. He was really nice and helped me get directions back.

I don't know what the deal is, but I feel I have some good friends, or people who understand me, who are Jewish, and then there are others who really hate me and I'm not sure why unless they're just pissed I wrote about a Rabbi I worked for. If that's it, get over yourselves. No one is above the fucking law, not even a Rabbi's wife. I liked that family and care about them to this day, but if I'm writing about shit I've seen, I'm not going to give them some kind of special priviledge for? what? No, I'm fair and I don't make false accusations and I also don't spare certain parties simply because I'm a brown-noser or want favors for myself. At any rate, I think maybe more conservative ones are more supportive of me? I don't know. Almost all my supervisors and bosses have been Jewish and I've never had a problem. There are factions though. Like, Ed Israel liked me and I loved that man, and then there are others who don't know me or like me. I don't know. Maybe it depends on how they know me or something. That's why I'm sort of scared to go to a synogogue. I don't know who might want to help and who might not like me. I just don't know. It's like the English thing, if I'm interested in finding out about her case...most are fine but then it's scary because so many people have their own weird motives.

It's sort of the same with the Colombians, who are almost all Catholic. Because of some of my problems, I get very nervous, but I've also known and met, recently, really wonderful people and the religion thing doesn't matter. It just depends on the person.

Like, last night was both good and bad and fun and dangerous I guess. The thing I kind of like about the culture, well, I don't know. You know what, I forgot how dance breaks barriers like music does. I wrote a whole post about music, but dance is really powerful too. I can see how it unifies people, just all dancing together. I notice acceptance, or more acceptance, with Latinos, when they see 2 things: I know a little Spanish, and when they see me dance. I don't dance well, but i love it and if that is important and part of their culture, I guess they know I'm not there to just check people out on the sidelines but to have fun and that I enjoy and appreciate the culture and having fun. It really does make a difference. So does sharing a drink or two.

For me, it was very odd, because the other day I only had ONE shot of whiskey and I felt totally smashed and buzzed. But last night I had several shots of the Colombian drink and while I was buzzed certaintly, it seemed to be at the same level. It was really weird. Maybe it's different when you're dancing instead of just sitting at a bar.

I want to go back to the Colombian party, but I want to say, in D.C. today I do not notice the harassment I used to sometimes get. I am starting to think that really, certain people were just finding out where I moved, and what my route was, and made it a point to be in my way and just harass and mock me. But it's different today. Everyone is normal and either I'm sort of becoming accepted as a part of the scene in town, or I am just in a location I wasn't expected to be in (didn't tell anyone where I was going today and just took off).

Okay, so about the Colombian party...It is really, really, interesting, because I felt welcome and part but some are still checking me out. Before I left, someone told me to be careful and when I said, what did he mean? he said he just said "take care". But no, he told me to be careful. Not saying who. So I went, and some people were watching me. I met a group of women and then, I was told, at the end of the night, there was an "issue" or a "problem" because of something I said to a Colombian woman.

It was sort of the same thing, where the Russian woman was totally going off about how I didn't know shit about art (like she's ever been to Portland, Oregon) and was so defensive when I said I sort of missed the art scene or didn't know where it was. So she went OFF and then I guess expected me to just take it. Then Chris changed his mind about me after that, because I upset either his nex paramour or next asset. Who knows. But I crashed his scene by speaking up for myself.

Same thing last night.

I say, guess what fuckers? I'm not the kind of girl who you lie to without some kind of consequence. Get that straight and if you don't like it, don't try to bring me into your circle to begin with or act offended when I assert myself against the shit.

So, what happened, is I was introduced to all these lovely Colombian women. Really beautiful women, and I liked them all. However, I noticed, right from the start, how Exxon had something going on with one. She was gorgeous and I wouldn't blame ANY man for wanting to have something with her. But it was like, this is it, I'm the fucking mule for whatever the agenda is, and there was just no respect. He was all over her, flirting and he doesn't hide his eyes very well and then he kissed her behind my back and she was obviously into him.

For her astounding beauty, and figure, she had the most obnoxious speaking voice. My GOD, it was this high pitched nyah nyah nyah voice. Really horrid. But I was talking to her and asked her if she was with her boyfriend. She said she did have a boyfriend, and as she's talking to ME she's looking over at Exxon. I asked where he was and she said he was at home because he didn't like dancing. I asked if he was Latino or American and she said he was American and white. First it was like she didn't know where she was going with her lies. So, after she got up to dance with someone, I decided to have a little sit-sit-chit-chat with her Mama.

Her mother was gorgeous...actually, more beautiful than her daughter. That woman, her mother, was like an Isabella Rossellini and, perhaps, more beautiful. Just amazing with a beautiful figure and really sweet. The kind of mother that's really just a lovely woman you'd protect regardless. But, Mama was so sweet and probably didn't know everything about her daughter, and I was going to find out.

I knew I was striking gold when I caught the very NERVOUS and SCARED expressions of some of the other Colombians. Like, OH SHIT. They saw me sidle up next to Mama and she didn't speak any English so I had to use my best Spanish. I asked her where she was from and she told me how long she'd been in the U.S. and how she met her husband and where he was from and where she was from. Then I asked about her daughter, because she only has one. I asked if her daughter was married, knowing she wasn't. Then I asked if he daughter had a boyfriend and she said no. I said, "Oh, she doesn't have a boyfriend?! I'm surprised. Does she like American men or Latinos...or..." and her mother told me her daughter never went for American men and espeically not white men because she told her mother they were boring to her. She liked Colombian men and I said perhaps this was because her father was Colombian so she was drawn to something familiar. She nodded. Then, I looked over at this guy who was watching me the whole time, and I gave him this "I am disgusted and I got the fucking INFO on this shit."

So I got up, after kissing her mother on the cheek. I do love that woman! I walked by, and everyone fucking knew something was up. They were already looking at me nervously when I was talking to the mother, and I made no concealment of the fact that I was onto them. So I went to the women's restroom with one woman who knows me, coming after me. They all fucking knew I knew.

So I sent out a text. My first text was: "I have found a rat. My intel is fucking better than theirs." and left it at that. I'm then looking around and noticing how many people thought this was so fucking hilarious, to have this going on behind my back. Not only that, he's always telling me how poor and broke he is, and here he is giving the world to his fucking bitches. He took off his Catholic bracelet I think, when he decided it was over with the married Colombian woman who came to my fucking engagement party. Then he was on the town, wining and dining other bitches while I was writing at the cafe.

So I was going for Camilla next, and she was going to know what I knew. For all I know, there's more than one, because he certaintly doesn't seem to be very discriminating. I mean, it's one and it's the other, and I saw how this other woman, who works for the Colombian embassy, looked at him and I was right about that one too. He didn't even try to conceal it.

So I went up to her, and she started talking to me in that nasal high pitched voice. It's this weird monotone nasal thing. I said to her, "You know, you lie really well for an American." She had told me she was born in the U.S. and was American but considered herself to be Colombian. She looked at me. She said, "I don't know who you are...I don't know why you said..." And I said, "I'm not even going to talk about it." She stood up and was in my face and kept trying to lie to me and pretend to be innocent and I said, again, I wasn't going to talk about it and I said, "Sit down." And then I walked away.

Everyone was standing then, and talking and pissed. Oh, I offended the Colombian princess this time. First it's the Russian princess and then the Colombian princess. Actually, I can forgive the Russian princess and already have. She was just going on about art stuff and it wasn't a big deal; she didn't know me and she's dramatic and I like her. This other woman had the audacity to lie to me to my face and I'm not okay with that, and then I'm walking around and thinking, "All these Colombians KNOW" and it was like I was the laughingstock. There were some who were sympathetic to me and I don't have any personal issue with any of them, but I am more than what meets the fucking eye, and Miss Hotstuff has a whiny voice and nothing between the ears. I wouldn't draw attention to her lack of intelligence if she hadn't had the audacitity to show herself off like a fucking peacock and try to make a fool out of me. Mr. Hotshit wasn't getting away with it either.

Then things got interesting. I caused a little commotion and then rattled off to this guy who maybe doesn't even like me very much. So he's staring at me, and if I was pissing him off he didn't show it. But then there was this "problem" because I said something to her.

I went out there and danced. I think people were shocked that I would find out and what the hell do people think? i'm some kind of shrinking violet who is destroyed by intentional humiliation? No fucking way, I went out there and I smiled at everyone, and grinned, and I danced my ass off, to ME. What do people think? I drink whiskey form a to-go cup in my car, and sob to myself, over romantic loss or betrayal? I don't cry over betrayal anymore, nor do I cry over humiliation when I have nothing to feel humiliated for when it's the shame that belongs to someone else, and I don't fucking cry over someone who is screwing everything on legs. I have cried over ONE thing, in the last year, and that is my son. Nothing else. I have not cried over any man, not even once. I've cried about my situation perhaps, but not over a man. And I'm certaintly not to cry over some sugarbaby who is an awful liar when I have never been jealous of any woman for having something I don't have. I wouldn't trade myself for anyone else. There are more beautiful women, and smarter women, but there is only one me.

When I went out there dancing and happy, people were just jaw-dropping SHOCKED. I went out there by myself and then I approached a group of others who were dancing. One guy had longer hair and I danced with him and his girlfriend and it was a lot of fun. I liked them. I danced with some other people too and it was fun. I did one thing that I felt bad about...this guy was passing by and I was smiling at him and he had a gold chain around his neck and I yanked on it to bring him closer to me, and it BROKE.

It just fucking broke off of his neck and I was holding the gold chain in my hand and the guy stared at me in shock and I gasped, and then cracked up laughing and the others around me just did the same, cracked up laughing and with eyes wide.

It was the dominatrix on the dance floor. Lol. I didn't mean to break it. I yanked hard, but I thought it would, ...I don't know. So then I'm saying, "OH no! lo siento!" and I'm handing it back to him.

Then there was this guy with dreads and I tried to take him across the floor in a tango and told him, when one song was playing, that it was like reggae with a guy playing an accordian on the patio and someone cracking peanuts into a tin can. He cracked up and didn't know what to do with me.

Then I told this other guy, William (there was more than one william), "This is SO fucked up" and it was like he knew and I didn't have to explain anything. He was the perfect person for me to say something to. I just kept saying things were so fucked up. Later I saw him approaching a group of guys and it was sort of interesting. I felt he knew me somehow.

The Colombian things is very interesting. It is like, if you are NOT social or friendly or savvy, you're just not going to make it in that culture. I mean, there is a whole unspoken dance, beyond the dance. I am probably both an asset AND a liability in the culture because I think people know they can trust me, in general, I mean, I say what I think. But that's also my problem, because I think everyone gets me and one wrong word to someone who is volatile or not balanced mentally, and seriously, I realized, you could get yourself killed. I noticed this, because I saw a couple guys standing there in the gap for me, almost as a barrier, to protect me, but doing it in a way so no one would know. I saw this and then realized, or understood for the first time, what the guy meant by "be careful."

It's like something that's not a big deal to me, could be highly offensive somewhere else. I'm still kind to everyone and I care about people. I got water for a lot of people who seemed very drunk, because I care. I would do it for someone who was even mean to me. I am sympathetic.

So I appreciated those who stood there, in front of me, as a protective measure in case something broke out.

The other thing I noticed, was who was trying to get me to do what. Exxon seemed trashed at the end of the night and was then running his hand up someone else's arm, and at that point I wondered if he's just some kind of swinger like all the rest. I looked out for him and he sort of looked out for me, despite everything. He acted a lot drunker than he was and he was listening to what others were saying. He also pulled me in to go home with them instead of with some other guy who was there promising he could give me at least $20,000, no problem, for my legal dilemna with my son. I liked him and the other guy, who was Russian, but I wondered at how they were trying to get me to go home with a total stranger. I said I'd meet him for coffee the next day but that was it. The Russian guy, and the one guy, AND Henry, were trying to get me to go with this other guy. I don't know if it was Exxon could be with the other woman, or what. She told me she'd been here for about 3 days, and she was really cute. I loved her banana leaf dress but when she was in the car, she told me she was just a hairdresser. I knew, intuitively, that woman was more than just a hairdresser. She was highly intelligent and that woman is not just cutting hair. I had that knowledge thing come through so strongly. I asked her if she was a diplomat or worked for the embassy and she said no but something was, there is more to her. I thought it was kind of silly she put a towel over her hair at the end of the night so it wouldn't get wet with a little drizzle, but she is not just some airheaded hairdresser. She's smart.

So then Exxon was in the car and totally smashed and I had to put my hand on his head when he was getting into another car, and I felt like a cop. I buckled him in and then he grabbed my hand and I thought, you know what, and actually, before that, I said, "If this is acting, this is really good." and he got this huge smirk on his face. I said, "A+" and he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. That was after he appeared passed out and Henry was asking me to say something about Exxon, when he was (appeared to be) defenseless. I said, "I cant say anything right now. Look at him." Henry said, "Why not?" and I said, "He's a dead man walking". And then Henry laughed and said he was a zombie. But then when we got out of the car, Henry wanted me to go ahead and open the other door, and I think they wanted to be alone to talk. Suddenly maybe not so drunk, Exxon. Then, he wanted to be intimate that night and he was not so drunk, well, did NOT seem so drunk.

With the other guy who wanted to take me home, I don't know if he was telling me the truth or not, but I said to him, "You have kids, don't you?" and he said "Yes." I said, "You have two right?" and he said "Yes, two." Then I said, "Are they boys?" and he said it was true, that they were both boys. So, amazing if it's true, if he wasn't pulling my leg.

Then Henry was talking and he'd come back from a trip to NY and I saw the word "Buffalo." I said, "Buffalo, huh." He said no, he'd been in Manhatten with family. But I think Buffalo for something. And Henry is either FBI or mafia I think sometimes, or Exxon is, or they both are and just set things up to see what I'm going to do.

I don't know. They work together but they circle eachother too. I have a feeling one of them doubles for something. At different times, I've thought they look out for me and other times, like I'm getting screwed.

I told Exxon too, the other day, don't believe everything you read on my blog. I told him I don't always write the truth and I sometimes put out misleading things to see what the reaction is going to be.

I have to go now.

I really don't know who my friends and enemies are exactly. Can you blame me? I've had so many people try to set me up and all I want is something simple.

People are in fucking OVERDRIVE to keep me down. I mean, it's bizarre. There are a lot of perverted and twisted motives and nothing is pure. I am set up, too, and expected to be some kind of perfect, innocent, person and I'm not. But I'm certaintly not the crazy chick I was made out to be. I want my son and I want a fair chance to get my name back and the truth to be seen and known about me. I want accountability for the shit done to me and my son too.