Chris Brown (crossin' over--music & thoughts)

I finally crossed over from bluegrass and 80s to R&B/hip hop and I chose Chris Brown. First one I heard was "Winner". Now, if I can find a church where the choir sings like THAT, I might be persuaded to go on Sundays again. If it's church, it's either smells and bells for symbolism and mysticism or a good musical and expressive black church.

hahaaaa. Like "Sex For Yo Stereo" by Trey Songz. It was time for R&B.

I met this very goodlooking guy today, Brian. And he said I was "stunning" which was the nicest thing to hear on a day where I feel "blah" and my hair is every-which-way and I look like I just got off of the slopes after skiing all day. It's my ski suit look today. He gave me his copy of the Washington Post which was a great gift because it's what I need--information going in. I haven't read the paper in awhile and I miss that.

I read something online the other day, on MSNBC news, about how "the establishment" is having second thoughts about Obama although the public likes him. I thought, "Huh? We have an "establishment"?" Who are they and where do you do? I am perplexed about the American Establishment because I have no idea who they are.

Today, I was feeling a little down or out of it, but then I began to feel better this evening. Positive again. I was beginning to feel a little concerned or worried about something but now I feel better.

My favorite article today, in the Post, was the one about "In China, Would-Be Protesters Pay A Price"--that story about this guy who is trying to help everyone fight government corruption as a pro se kind of lawyer and gets in trouble and imprisoned for being a "troublemaker". If I had money, I would send some to him to help his cause. I can identify with that man and he's been through as much or more than I have.

I like J. Holiday's "Be With Me". Whooo, want to be in the club.

Actually, there were a lot of good articles in the Post today. A lot of international stories. The one about Tibet, which is something I should know more about and don't know very much. I read the story about the IRA and the Northern Ireland killings and thought, "Oh no!" Right after writing my post about music and how I believe it's a powerful conduit for peace, and then this. I feel badly for them because I think people in Ireland could understand what I've been through and would believe me, and yet I sympathize with what they've all been through too. I wonder what is going on, to stir up sentiment to kill again? It's not just sociopaths--these are groups of people and something must be motivating them. Was there some injustice recently that spurred them to hate? or what? Something must be going on. They say there's no reason for killing, but logically, there is usually "some" reason for the provocation...people could be messed up with their own internal issues but it could also be something else, revenge, or out of emotional distress from some incident or death. I just wonder what it is right now. Why would the Protestants or the Catholics want to go back to killing the mothers and fathers of children?

I read about the difference of opinion between Israel and the U.S. about Iran's proliferation of nukes or warfare. This is what I think about Iran--as I think about any country...I think maybe Iran has been a little insulted lately. I mean, when you have Fox news printing stupid things about how they're the first to "gas" people, the Romans, thousands of years ago, maybe it's not defamatory if it's true, but it's inflammatory. It incites people to think negatively about a great country. I can understand Israel's concern though, because they've historically had worse problems. I think of Iran as Iran and also as Persia...and they have one of the most artistic and civilized cultures and have been great inventors. Their food is amazing too. I am not sure what Iran's goals are or what their fears are. If they're just trying to ensure they have weaponry for defending their country, I think every country wants that. I don't know if they have a goal of world dominion and destruction? At any rate, I'm also confused about the difference between Pakistan and Iran because I've heard them referred to as the same thing but they're different as far as I know. Also, as for culture, when I used to hear about Pakistan, I thought about the desert and had no idea how beautiful it is and what a large city they have. You can look it up online, on a world factbook or wiki page.

Probably, artists and musicians, of every country, would be the first to defend other cultures, because of the beauty and appreciation for what every country and nationality has to offer. Why would any modern country or group want to extinguish any group of people at all? Everyone contributes something unique and different.

Like Mario's "You Should Let Me Love You." Love Usher's "Superstar" but it's the first time I've heard it.

I would like to study politics more, in the sense of understanding the different country's interests and concerns. I had two very large hardcover books when I had my own book collection, long ago, and one was a book about Surnames and their origin, from all over the world and it was a great coffee table conversation piece because everyone wanted to look up their names. The other one was a world factbook. I don't know where I bought it, or maybe I asked for it for Christmas while I was still in high school. I loved that book because it listed all the countries of the world, with photos, descriptions, stats like GDP, and ranking for things like health, technology, lifespan, and controversies. I sold it, on Amazon, to a buyer from Washington D.C.! I remember this, so someone out here, has my old book with my signature on it. lol. It's outdated now though, of course, the information was from the 90s. I had a special interest in Haiti at the time, because I was curious as to why it was listed as the most poor of all the countries. I also read about the Canary Islands because I knew of some missionaries who went there and tried to help a girl from a country in Africa that was across the water--she was the only Christian in a Muslim country and she didn't want to marry. Also, I knew some missionaries to Uzbekistan who ran a computer literacy clinic and they lived like everyone else, in a traditional house. I had thought, way back then, that I might be a missionary because I liked foreign countries and the idea of helping others. I looked into this one program called "Wycliff", where missionaries were actually INVENTING languages for some tribes which still, TO THIS DAY, do not have their own written language. I had no idea this was possible--I thought everyone had a written language by now. But there are still groups which do not, and Wycliff translators were trained as linguists, to go to these countries, learn the language and culture and attempt to develop a written language for them. I actually rented video tapes and literature on this and I even attended a seminar.

But I got a little scared. I was thinking it would be me, all by myself, in the great jungle. I thought, hmmmm....I don't know. I almost considered being a single woman missionary in the Dominican Republic too, up in the Harbacoa Mountains, which are beautiful, but only if, I decided, I had computer access. Haha. There were a few travel businesses that had some English speakers, but I was scared. I told my friend Halea, "I would rather be a missionary's wife than a pastor's wife". Pastor's wife would be hum-drum U.S. and missionary's wife would be a new and exciting locale.

But then, I realized, after dutifully giving away all my money and being willing to take up my cross of poverty, that I was more of an activist. Uh-oh.

So now I wonder, how can I be an activist AND a peacemaker at the same time?

T-Pain "You Got Me" like this one. I'm pissed though because my music keeps cutting out on me! I think I have to go home in a little bit.

Hearing this kind of music makes me think about Mike Tancer. He was someone I really liked, and thought there was an actual connection with, but he was either in with the whole FBI thing, OR he was under a sting by them. Something was going on with him and why would Christa, who was not on my side, warn me not to go out with HIM when I told her who he was? She didn't care what happened to me, but she didn't want me hanging out with him and there must have been a reason. She either had pity on me for some reason, or didn't want association. I haven't gotten to the part where Mike tried calling me later at my grandma's house either. But really, he was the first guy, since a guy named Will Wagler, who was remotely interesting but he was also too cocky for his own good and easily influenced. I think he tried to rise above superficiality but there were a few in his group, that exerted influence over him and it wasn't necessarily positive.

Anyway. I wish I could meet up with the one I have been thinking about. Far too much. All I need in my life right now is to fix the shit and have a secret rendevous. I want my romances to remain private.

Like this one, "Private" by One Chance.