My voice is rough and I've not practiced in awhile, but I thought I'd put links to some songs I used to sing around my son. Just a few at a time. He'll know my voice. They're very bad recordings and I'm not singing well, or loud, bc people are in the house. But they're songs. I think I could maybe do something with flashget but I don't know how to use it.
I just realized too, CPS cut off phone visitation for no reason, claiming it was to force me back to Wenatchee. But nothing prevents my son from hearing my voice if I put it online, unless my aunt's family refuses to play it for him.
I can still talk to him and send him songs, even if it's one-way and I didn't think about this before.
I am trying to play these songs and this thing is not working like it was yesterday. First it wouldn't pull up the new folder, and now, when I hit the play button it won't play and I can't hear anything. I'm not adding it to my sync list if I don't even know which song it is.
This is ridiculous. The Media Player worked just fine until I made my post today about my asshole ex who is most likely working along with the U.S. or why would I have met the federal guy at the courthouse and my ex be grilling me on exactly where I am going and when. I am about THIS CLOSE to taking this fucking computer to some other embassy and having them decide who my fucking "network administrator" is. Either that, or maybe I should march over to the CIA or FBI first and ask for some answers, which would be ridiculous because I would never get answers from those fuckers because they cannot even keep their heads above water, keep their guys from harassing other female FBI employees, and then the female employees who DO stick around are the brown-nosers who play the game and obstruct justice wherever needed, like the rest.
I'm sick and tired of this "network administrator" shit. GET OFF OF MY FUCKING COMPUTER. I say I don't want to be a spy and all of a sudden my computer doesn't work anymore. I complain about this and voila! it's working again. Then I try to write about Chris Dabney and have problems when I do try to write, with posts not going through and computer connection issues where I couldn't get online anymore. NOW, I'm putting up audio files and maybe pissing some people off again with what I wrote, and it's not working.
And I'M not the one who has networked this computer, or who WORKS for the federal government, OR who fucking tried to set me up to go to JAIL after I said I didn't want to be a fucking spy.
This guy Alvaro, isn't going anywhere. I think the whole thing has been a scam and the U.S. wants to keep him here for some reason. They thought they could use me to do it for him, in a more expedient manner, and when I didn't go along with it, they decided to try to work out some other "work opportunity" when this guy's visa is already up. He doesn't HAVE a legal right to stay in the U.S., even with a job offer, at this late of notice, but if he ends up staying, when I saw how sure he was that he was going to have no problems hanging out here, I will know something is up. The Green Card just would have been more convenient and faster, and all the while, HE was talking to me about it, he had his stupid IPOD out which could record anything. We were discussing things and he'd say, "Just a minute" and take off to return with his Ipod. Then I say he's a lousy spy and could barely pass for an informant and he's all pissed at me.
Telling me I could meet the hostage that was freed from Colombia and telling me he worked for the FBI while he was IN Colombia, and meanwhile, trying to set ME up. So what's the deal? he's special and does hostage negotiation on the side and the U.S. wants him here, or Colombia does, and meanwhile, this guy nickels and dimes every single petty thing you could imagine and then harasses me about not working when the DOCTORS say I cannot work right now until my back is fixed. But he's wheeling and dealing all these negotiations with ME and trying to get me cheap, and then trying to reposses all my fucking belongings, meanwhile, I'm getting interviewed by the U.S. to be a fucking spy and then being instructed by Pete Garrity (which probably isn't even his real name) to take the offer from Alvaro in a particular way. The whole time, he wants his name secret and photos off the blog. Sure, so we can all say THIS whole scam never happened.
I am pissed.
The whole time, the U.S. AND Colombia and most of his friends and family, know he's sneaking off to be with this girlfriend on the side whom he told ME he wasn't sleeping with anymore. Lying the whole time.
Not only that, I had a whole entourage of people lining up to see me after I was hanging out with him.
He's a cheater, number one, to be with someone else's wife. He told ME he wasn't with her anymore, but he was. Then number two, he's a fucking liar about everything. Everything I wrote about him before was true, but I then lied and said I was just joking, because I knew if I made him look bad, it made me look bad. So then I pretended like he was this great guy and meanwhile, shady dealings are going on left and right.
Not to mention what I have not even mentioned yet.
Oh, here's the other really cool thing. I'm sitting here, typing in a chatroom and who fucking shows UP in my chatroom? Someone who sounds exactly like CHRIS and he has two friends "fiona" and "brian" with him, and they're telling me my nickname is lucy in the sky with diamonds for the kaleiscope eyes and when I write how is this possible, I get the message that they were able to jump on my computer because they are "people with power". That's what I was told. Meanwhile, the guy who sounds like Chris is saying "meh" like he always used to around me and when I say, "I know what 'meh' means to me", some guy named Steve O writes in and says "awwww..." like how sweet. Why would this be construed as sweet unless they knew I could identify him by this and then Chris writes in that now he is feeling a little depressed.
what the fuck.
And then I have SONGS being played on lastfm that are not even PLAYING in the right genre or when everyone else is hearing one kind of song that is 80s and it says it's being played, I'm getting a DIFFERENT song, that is NOT EVEN 80s, streamed into my computer.
It's like one big massive mind fuck.
And I am not even making this up and it would be real sweet if people were not playing these idiot games in the shadows and setting me up on the side.
I'm not having fun. This is not fun or romantic or sneaky and cyrano and cryptic and cool. This is bullshit shady.
And on THAT note, I'm playing slim shady's "Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up". I have a better chance of honesty and civility with the Muslim countries than the fucking U.S. At least I understand and they understand, how people discriminate and defame others and set people up here in the states.
And then the really sad thing is, the U.S. is more than comfortable doing stings against me, on the side, and obstructing justice, and trying to manipulate my emotions so I'll have enough empathy for their guys not to tell, but they have absolutely no way to come forward and actually do something in broad daylight to help me or my son.
Everything is for their own fucking interests. And THEY'RE the ones who want me to just go along with everything that happened in Washington and Oregon and do a mental eval which would be completely prejudiced, by the state.
If I have any support or mental health evaluation, I'm going to someone who I know is bona fide Muslim and who is NOT working with the U.S. At least the people from Iran and Pakistan, and even Israel, have mainly, in large part, believed me. Maybe some European countries too, but they're too afraid to stand on U.S. toes. No one from Denmark, or anywhere else, offered a good solution or assistance.
I took that bracelet off of my wrist today. I don't know who the hell it's really from and I don't even care.
It could be very romantic, to have some kind of cryptic romance, and yet, on the other hand, it's completely shady. Shady good or shady bad, I would have no idea, because no one has the fucking GUTS enough to come out and be real with me and face me.
Look me in the fucking face, eye to eye, and be honest? Fat chance. And I think I have it bad. I would never want to be a celebrity and Diana and Charles and Camilla and ALL of them, had people monitoring everything they fucking said or did. I mean, people broadcasting CELL PHONE conversations and it's not even legal and no one got in trouble for it. That was a total invasion of privacy and a crime, and it should have been a crime to print shit like that.
I don't have it that bad, but it's not much better either.
And then the worst thing, is that you don't even KNOW who is on whose side over here. You could be talking to someone from Iran and they have an accent and say their working for the embassy and meanwhile, they're a dual agent for the U.S. Or you could be talking to someone from the U.S. who is actually just doing spywork for Colombia. Or, you could be talking to someone who is Jewish and from Israel even, and then find out they are only working for the U.S. government, but they could tell you anything. Someone can be black, white, rich, poor, and be the exact opposite of what they say over here. Which I thought was sort of interesting and fun to figure out at first.
But I'm too honest for this shit. And I guess I like the idea of mystery and romance and cryptic messages, but I've been duped too many times. I need people who have their hearts and minds and souls on their sleeves, who are not lying to everyone and just trying to get information on ME.
I just want to be a singer and musician, and that's too much to ask. I have had people trying to keep me down on that end for a very long time as well.
And what the hell is the deal with the color black? It's like the uniform for some fucking agency or sniper group or what? because Chris loved black and then was freaked out when I said the Muslim guy I stayed with wore all black and then this ex was going rabid over the song about "tengo camisa negra". So what is THE FUCKING BLACK shirt all about???
What the fuck.
Even this English guy who acted like he wanted to help me. How do I know who HE is really working for? He ignored all my calls when I was trying to find someone to help me out when I was miscarrying and then assaulted. He didn't even call me until out of the blue, AFTER I was involved with this Colombian guy and after I'd spent some time with the Pakistani people. So what's that about? An interest in me just because of who I know from the Middle East? When we went in, he acted fine but then he acted weird too and gave these coatcheck guys, who seemed to know him, these looks and they were all looking at eachother. He first approached me when I was involved with Chris. And I would see other guys, across from his building, watching me from the windows and then pretend they weren't looking. I noticed that a lot, at this one particular location. I could tell someone was watching me and I'd turn.
Then, I'm with Alvaro and have my hair done and I'm sitting at Caribou Cafe and how many fucking guys come in to have a look at me??! Like it wasn't obvious. I was on the computer and everytime I turn around, some guy is checking me out from across the room while pretending to be stirring his coffee and adding creamer. And then guys coming from the sides, walking closely against the buildings like they're cat burglars or something and then checking me out, coming from behind or across, outside the window and noticing that I look up and notice THEM.
I have FUCKING EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD assholes. I'm not a fucking spy and I don't have a lipstick case with a refractive mirror. I have fucking damn good instincts and I know when a helicopter is beginning to rise up close to my window before it ever happens. I got up from the couch, and looked out of the window, and saw it. I knew, seeing nothing, that something was coming up and it was facing me and then it took off. That was in Arlington, VA. when I was in the Penthouse whatever with the view.
I like Muse "Hysteria". THAT's how I feel. I like Keane's "Bend and Break" too. That's a good group and another expression of how I feel. What's the "other side" anyway, though. Or the "morning" either.
And how do I know the English guy didn't just call to try to get me to break things off with the ex because it got out I didn't want to be a spy or whatever--a hostage bride. My ex wanted a lot of info about the English guy and who he was.
I like "Bones" by The Killers. Sort of makes me think of what I was thinking about or seeing in an image last night.
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