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to my new black friend in a long low-rider car:

i know! i know! but i love you
for telling me so
i sat so long, knowing i would find
people like you rooting for me
you have no idea what this means for us
you and me, because you are charted on my map now
of faces i have seen and lips that i can read
who know my heart and my circumstance
i believe. and i believe in you.
**************************************

hey there cockroach, pretty flowers from my portraits
i love everybody, but you the most, and this you know
remember the zipper and the secrets spilling from your eyes
i was taking notes. i am not going to jail. sleep
lay your head upon my heart--i am beating like a clock
in your pocket. i am your diana even if i am not number 1
i am your juliet with a dagger should you be torn asunder
the song playing in this car i'm in now, sang to me:
"i'm not your princess, this ain't no fairytale"
but i wouldn't sing along. i have my own password for song
don't need you to tell me right from wrong
because i know. i have teatowels on the drums
mindful of what you are imagining. too much time but
i have money in my pocket and i am spending it very
carefully for my love, my light, me. i realize i don't
need a coach at my door, a honking horn, and a sliding screen
bear with me, a little, i am not what you think and this
is not what you may think. i have rainbows trailing from
my backseat seams. i am my little pony.
i am a great girl said he, and it's true. great girls
are meant for greatness and i see that light at the end
of that black hole, that dark tunnel, that well of the soul
hope where there is none very seeming
oh do i know your circumstances. like you know me without seeing me.
like the face of God. reaching across the distance
through the great divide, shining waters are gold and silver
with sun and moon. i need nothing because everything i need
is within me. skipping on ahead through the highest tides
i know that tide is turning and i want you to know i am
preserving the peace. and crying. do not leave me as i will
never leave. you have your duties and i have my brazen
gift for singing in the woods, to trees and bees
i forgive you because you needed me, and meant no harm in
your inability to be what you wanted to be
my discoveries always so late and bittersweet
i heard the clock ticking--dissolved me
**************************************************
yyaaaaayyyy! you should be up and dancing. you must dance for me.
for you, to this. CONFEEDENCE. i am dancing for the unseen.
(and, shhh!, because no one can see me...) this one too, my
music muse. i hear the happy scream of the little girl at recess
then the horses thundering, into the water, how much you love me

read the summary for odyssey and there is one thing i can see
still, the clock is ticking, heart beating, and there is a great screen
using a stick around the periphery i am pointing this out
to a lot of people. like the woman at the museum, or a CEO at this
company, there is a great white screen with something to say
nothing is there, but is that what i am pointing out or is it that
someone is going to add to this nothing?
*********************************************

"i feel like a puppet" i said today, while passing through the hall.
i peeped through a window in the wall and was on higher ground
looking down upon some acquaintances from the cafe, who laughed
i stood there, framed by shutters on either side and continued
to speak down to them, thinking, "this is odd", and they were
looking up at me and I felt I might break out the string pantomime
pretend to pull something above my head making my jaw move
waved myself away instead, hoping no one saw me through the window
when i cannot see any of you who move past me in your cars and
all sorts of things...unicycles even, probably,
but i am so near-sighted i can barely see mr. hitchens in his
tram in the bath, smoking up the steam

I have thought, i didn't date him but i dated his other twin
whiskey red label in hand, and on the night with the colombians
i had the licorice drink until the end, when a friend
gave me the cup of victory, the medicine for misery, a shot of memories
i quit dancing then. after dancing like crazy with herniated discs
and an incomplete miscarriage with contractions. anyone who saw me then
should know now, i have put up with a lot of everything
i still laugh, dance, and sing. pardon me though, if i am pissed
you don't listen to me after i've shown you how i can laugh, dance, and sing,
through everything...now that you know, what kind of condition i am
really in. which is the greater sin? commission or omission?
mercy or justice when dogs are barking at the gate? when records
justify me in the end.
**********************************

I like Maximo Park's song about "my repast". excellent lyrics. this one "taste in men" by placebo. very nice. hmmmm. will do. i like rooney's song too "when did your heart go missing?" i could see the switch up. positive then switch it up for the listeners...malo, sad. manic-depressive music muse. "when did your heart go missing" is such a great sort of 80s song. so like the rhythm. lol. the heart investigative team. hhaaaaahaha. the zutons "demons and spies and cyclops eyes when i'm sleeping" this is great lyrically. oh, it's like a cross between "heart of gold" (i've been searching for a heart of gold, i've been a miner for a heart of gold, but i'm getting old...neil young!) that guitar part after the speech-song. sort of a cross between heart of gold and i don't know... i tried singing along to coldplays "what if" and i think we could do fine harmonies actually. my voice blends well with martin's. want to marry my music muse. going to bed now. am not really tired but need to go. last things...who, which mother was it, that stroked her son's arm to help him fall asleep? who kissed his cheek. i've met two men whose mothers did the same thing and they showed me how. for my son, i used to brush my hand or fingers over his forehead and he would cling to one of my fingers with his right hand and then suck his left thumb. in the womb, he clutched the umbelical cord and sucked the left thumb.

lol. hahaha! let's dance to joy division. how i've felt all night. so crazy because what have i be so happy about but i am so happy about a couple of things. i really like all these songs with the band members talking through their songs or at the end. nice raw speaking footage. and i'm looking up diana tonight, some of her charity work because i'm not familiar with it, not really. i look at these photos of her with children, which are the first ones that came up and she is so loving. white lies "death" is an amazing song what a powerful voice--wow. very nice verse...i live on the right side and sleep on the left (or reverse) so everything is love or death. i really like this song. i was going to bed...i guess i'll listen a little more and look up more stuff. i like "you don't see me" by keane. i saw a clip of harry with the lesothbo? with a photo of him next to his mother and i cried. i think i must be tired. no more comment from me. love bloc party modern love.