images of delusion

all's fair in love & war


yellow pollen to clean off the sink
sank ship sunk battle man down drank bottle
bummed out bent backwards for game sum
game theory, game theory, history won
no mas este mujere por mi
prefiero otra
sin problemas mentales, con administrative mind
cerrebra
checking on me, the psychologist and the spies
to be sure the motel was not in d.c.
checking because schedules change
were favoring the one in blue camisa
with brunette hair
the lilies were fragrant and red like the tide
but i am a tsunami and wrecked the town crier
with all the game pieces on the board
this monopoly is one i will never make or marry
this man is so angry with me
never loved and hated me so much
all at once, and all at once, the skyscraper dissolved
into ashes and water
tearing the clothing from your body
moving onto better things where mystery is unnecessary
caregivers ask for their sleeve back
what you ask of me is impossible
to be a seeing eye dog
for my own blind eyes
a seeing eye dog for myself
so you punish me
knowing i can see everything
except myself and my own heart and what i need
knowing i know who you have turned to
when the tide overcame you
and you said,
no mas
it is through
knowing i see the g-string around your finger
waving it in front of me
shooting it out to hit me between the eyes
david's slingshot
for a mammoth daughter of goliath
that "wild thing"
that fucking red crazy bipolar maddening true and clean
wild, wild, thing
where the red fern grows
creeping onto everything but sprayed down with the
weed killer
for once! and for all!
watch me now
watch me kiss her lips and eyes, holding thighs to me
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put this one
together again
they are watching, making sure there is no slippery slope
checking up on the room keys, the location, and
she was running into the cafe
to see if i was meeting with you
i wish i didn't have eyes to see
or hear or smell or taste
i wish vladimir liked me so much
he would tell you not to put good things to waste
this economy could be saved
without a cut or scrape
of course i should not be expected to believe
everything i read, whether it's your fucking tea leaves
or your stories in magazines
how can i be expected to know what to think
when i get filtered cigarette shrinks
messages with wings
hit lists, shit lists, black lists
and nothing inbetween that says
anything more than
i remember you
rest in peace
no one could even whisper the truth to me
be so good to tell me
but i know when the feeling is gone
when there is a sudden peace
when i realize i didn't want peace
only war because i could never see you bleeding for me
couldn't handle the bits and pieces
they sent to me in boxes

**************************************************

bargaining with the devil
trading cards over gin
spinning the top and hitting the curb
over and over and over again
driving onto the concrete strip
landing straight into the sign
that says "yield"
as another says "merge"
******************************************************

why are so many people checking my memory?
wjy do i have police and shrinks and others
who care so much about my fucking memory?
it makes me wonder, and what should i think?
so many neurologists too, who have been to see me
since i first arrived in d.c.
thinking i am a wonder and i am wondering how they know
i am so wonderful
what does the department of defense know
that i do not know?
i never got a medal for my bravery
for what i went through from one country to the next
*********************************************************

i want to be safe, i want to be...
i jumped and next thing i know they're saying my luggage
is going back, and then i'm told to "get in" by two men
scared of the boogeyman and the rain man and sane man too
ummm, stepped forward with a toe
to test the water and woe upon woe is me
one foot on de sand, one foot on de sho
losing me leg! i be losing me leg!
women with wooden legs have it so easy i sometimes think
to take one off and gift to the sea
take the other off and plant in the jelly sand
hand it over to me says the man on the driftwood
i need this says one standing thigh deep
one has such a literacy with music
i am dumb to speak
splitting chinese
pull at my feet as i take a moment to think
*************************************************************

i hear sade and turn
billie jean and turn
i need gold and silver
silver and gold
studs on the denim foam
washing machine
**************************
beetles! beetle juice, where have you been?
jewel scarabs and seething teeth
sinking deep eating up the mushroom meat
***********************************************

i need a subliminal dream
tonight, i need a subliminal dream
keeping it on the key
keeping it on the key
to the basement where i've hidden a few things
to the cupboard and the hope chest where the
bumblebees are saved
preserved for posterity
sweet dreams sweet
***************************

good night
runeii
night dreams
blink
please don't miss me when you
blink
beast of burden
"ohh" gasp out of me
runeii
i cannot be undone
unless you undo me
white reach of white sands
water to your knees
love me
love me
love me
quietly if it must be
if it must be so very quiet
i love you
there is nothing to help me
nothing
to quiet this thing
i am scraping the scab off again
to suck a bleed
"don't do that!" they tell me
it will never heal
i am going to bleed
to death
loving you
loving me
loving every minute of this
delicate seam
i will not go down without
a silent scream
*************************************

yellow daffodils
spinning the game piece
you are dancing on the table
mirrored ceilings
my youth is coming back to me
pouring ice water from a silver pitcher
outside in the garden
white dress and i am learning to read
signs on walls and walls falling at my feet