FBI Story--You're Just A Boy...Music Today

Interesting. I saw the Beyonce video for the first time today. "You're Just a Boy". I never knew who was singing that until this morning. Thought it was Rhianna.

First time I saw the video, which is interesting to me, given the fact I've been used by so many undercover fuck ups. Nice twist with the woman being the cop. Still, even more interesting, because after Pete with the federal government first tried to get me arrested in an immigration sting, he then says there's a place for me (a "situation") with unknown persons in Pennsylvania, and then tells me in his grand finale, to go back to Washington and take state services. I told him to fuck off and that the FBI OWED ME money for sexual harassment and covering it up.

Then I hung up on him and blasted "If I Were A Boy" and sang it louder than I have, and better than I ever have.

And just now, I get to see the video. It fits me even more than I knew.

Pisses me off, to think the U.S. and these agencies think they can let their guys screw around with me and they'll not be held accountable. It says something when he couldn't even return my call when I was miscarrying in the hosptial, or found out it had died and didn't know what to do. I mean, nothing. That in and of itself, speaks volumes and since so many other things were "off" in things he said to me, "another one in the hole" and such, and then Christa begins to write me out of the blue...something is up.

There is no "going to the other side". Like the other woman, who used to work for the FBI, who was an S.S.A. (formerly) and sexually harassed by male FBI workers all the time: "The FBI is corrupt."

Then I have Philip Renaldi, from the funeral home, always calling me to see if I'll sign off papers and dispose of the fetus, always at the two rare moment that I express sorrow over what happened with my babies and the asshole who took advantage of me last and then never even called when I was in the hospital miscarrying.

It's like, "Get her quick" when I'm having a weak moment or feeling soft temporarily. Maybe she won't press for DNA analysis and demand payment for some of these fucking medical bills and emotional distress. I said something to my ex, who then left to go around the corner or to the bathroom and then Rinaldi is calling me, in the late hours of the night. I mean, late. I don't want to go into all the details but let's just say some people would like to think I'll just bury or dispose of it and be done. I've been medically unable to attend to things and now Rinaldi is saying he can't keep it and will have to get rid of it by Friday. My ex is trying to put me on a plane to Wenatchee Friday as well, to Wenatchee. He says round trip.

Granny said the other day, "Your middle name is 'Sue'." I love Granny. Who could put it better? That's right my middle name is Sue, and when I'm dealing with men whose middle names are "Jack-ass" I have more than one middle name and the second one is "Screw-You".

I wanted to play "To the left, to the left, everything you have to the box on the left/you must not know bout me, you must not know bout me/...i could have another man in a minute..." I don't know the title and couldn't find it so I heard a newer version of Usher's "Love in the Club" which is hot and definitely not a presidential campaign song Obama can use next term. Too sexy.

Listening 90s music, Live's "Lightening Flashes." Such a good, song, all the way around. Classic. The band died but the songs live. Center of the universe song of tranfering of emotions and soul from one life to another. Soul Asylum's "runaway train" with the lyrics...i don't care about the wheelchair...lol! I like this. I like Paul Wellers "You do Something Wonderful." This is how my father used to play piano. Like this guy, or, I guess, my father still does.

I like all of these songs...but they're sort of 80s I guess! I am propelled by this stuff. The french "flower" song, and The Cure's "mint car" and New Radicals "You Get What You Give" (love it), and