images

alienation/alien-nation

it was the nativity calendar
something behind every door, every edge serraded
bored after opening
guessing game for you, provides more hours of entertainment
shaking, rattling, turning, feeling, ear to the box, squeeze...
than opening the present and finding what you said you wanted
has lost its novelty after the eggnog
wearing pajamas and socks from grandma
longer than a heart on a sleeze, er, sleeve
fickle fickle fickle
holding my mail longer than you could hold me
waiting to use the crystal ball as a bowling ball
placing every bet and every move
on what i might do next, the loose cannon
which was never a threat in the first place
when you were holding all the bombs
i am a car, vehicle
i am a conduit, piece of a diamond
i am a carriage, you're the king
i was a piece, and you wanted to win it all
without letting me know who you were
in the beginning and in the end,
you were never man enough to show yourself
never man enough to tell me the truth
to someone you knew should know
winner takes all as long as he isn't losing, once won
bored and satisfied
hoping to find a way to conveniently conceal
frank fraud
considering the scale behind the lawyer's door
listening in at the cracks of the door at the field office
someone showed you photos of your ex
with another man and you wanted her back, called her the next day
saw me with a ring and wept in dismay
keeping me from my case, fuck me over, and then tell me
"i think i'm your saving grace"

i am rethinking grace. i am looking up grace in the
spanish dictionary and in the english dictionary
asking God, "what do YOU think? should we spin the bottle?"
nothing speaks of the ego like "i think i'm your saving grace"
jesus was in the running at a close third
after spiderwoman, who was supposed to be the holy spirit i think
some trinity. i never wanted to be a part of
never had a choice in the matter either
not even knowing
you don't draw lines but it must make you good at "what you do"

they must be so proud of you, your handlers
before i culled the dna from your fetus
hoping to imprison me for marrying an alien
or better yet, send me to a mental ward
you: "do you believe in aliens?"
me: "do you believe in marriage?"

this is how you eat a heart. watch me carefully.
miss manners will never give you advise like this
fork and knife, it is okay to wear a bib, taking a life
is sort of messy but not to be handled in hand like ribs
why is the tablecloth checkered red and white
like i'm sitting at table with the queen of hearts
from alice in wonderland, at a chess board, at a pizza parlor
at the red cross picnic for pervs? it's just part of
the charade, to make you think there must be something behind
everything when it is nothing at all. listen to all of the
fine young cannibals talking with their mouths full.

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i saw a photo today, sitting at the clinic
took my breath away. first star magazine i had a chance to read
in so long and i noticed one thing, besides the jugs and that rack
on this mama mujere en azules...noticed nicole kidman in white, in

"feathers of a wren".

am i touching down or ascending to a world
of spirits souls...is there more to california, to the starlets,
to hollywood, than my assumption of superficiality? is there a
church for me at the bottom of the crystal sea
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going to your weddings
as the fairy godmother

they're using the crown as a hulahoop
spinning it around the ankle
it's hackeysack and they mean no disrespect
breakneck speed and sadness so slow
but no one knows, under the mask
no shackles
two boys are going to do cartwheels
a counter-intuitive thing
leaving behind that golden ring
beatrice will be queen

i'm running for cover
hiding my head before i am the hunted
before any: "exactly what do you mean?"
i know no one, i know nothing, i am someone
dreaming up others' dreams
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(lost the image and the mood for rambling)
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wot? i wos wrong? thought
i saw a firefly tonight
bite, i bite the tails the dragonflies
to nought, forgot myself
it is a man i used to know
my other life

quiet, all is so quiet
on the western front
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blessed redeemer
a favorite hymn she holds dear
book from the pew
reading songs in church
blue
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cut every string, i did,
afraid of where it might lead
how would i climb out of the pit if i were not
strong enough to first cut the tie
about my waist
so many speaking to me and of the things
i wanted, until they were before me
scaring me
i want a simple destiny
i want complexity
i don't know what i want and i don't know everything, but
i don't want to be bored and
i want to do something good

my shining tumbleweed and christening star
my baby jesus
the one who saves me
my baby jesus
is almost three
my shining tumbleweed and christening star

do not take from me
my only love
i am not saving the world,
and i know god can save the king
do not take from me
my only love
believing i have another destiny
when i want one thing

i forsake my every gift
to take the one thing dear to me
i am the flesh and blood and spirit
he needs. my third eye is for seeing
which corner he goes to next
it is not a small thing
raising a part of me
to be better than i am and
find the grain of sand

my shining tumbleweed and christening star
my baby jesus
the one who saves me
my baby jesus
is almost three
my shining tumbleweed and christening star
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(love clannad's "lady marian" made me cry seems so familiar.) i adore "if i prove false to thee" by cara dillon. very beautiful...so true. i used to sing, "if i ever fall in love (it will be forever)" because i was never going to fall unless it was forever. i've done a good job of guarding my heart! (i think)