More Music & On Clairvoyance

I am falling in love to this music. I switched over to Pet Shop Boys radio and every single song is good. Always on my mind, Respect (erasure), Runaway (andy bell), Souvenir (orehstral manoevres in the dark), and then I heard some new very shocking songs--made me stop everything and listen carefully: "forbidden city" by electronica for the lyrics; "suburbia (punkstar 80s remix totally stopped me in my tracks when it switches to the other mode...hear and you'll know. Surprising and shockingly good and they're from Sweden), and then "Regret" by New Order which I've heard a couple of times but absolutely love, for lyrics and for the music. I think I've written about this one, that it sort of zig zags drives with the electric guitar. I really like this one. like "human" (human league) and "thorn in my side" (eurythmics), esp. thorn in my side!

reading up about clairvoyance. i think i can identify with the sense of knowing something is true or has happened, ___________, clairvoyance (seeing images of things from a person's past or present), i've made accurate predictions ("i think stacy is in love with you and is going to call you because she wants to marry you"--and then she did, despite odds), maybe remote viewing? for the missing woman who was found in the clothing i described at a location i accurately described, and dreams that mean something, from past or future. And then the last one is MAYBE being able to sense the emotions or feelings of someone else or a group of people or something--the vibes thing, when I know it has nothing to do with my personal feelings or emotions of the moment.

i cannot command this though, pretty much, and i don't know why any scientist would try to scientifically define this and expect it to be controlled. maybe some people can do this, and can command "powers" or insight at will, but i think those people are few and far inbetween. i think most people who may legitimately get insights or messages or whatever, are not able to harness.

i think it must be a gift, and that's it. you can't really control it, at will. imagine the power someone would have if they COULD. i think maybe it can be worked on or practiced.

i looked up the various types of foretelling or knowledge or clairvoyance and i know for sure that i don't have the type where you "taste" things or "smell" things or know things by smelling them. i mean, outside of normal sensory perception.

I like this "I'm Not Scared" by Eighth Wonder. I also liked "Not So Manic Now" and Chance on Me. I like "Sweet Harmony" by Beloved as well. I like "Praying for Time" by George Michael and I've not heard it before. I like all the music on Pet Shop Boys station, I think because it's sort of post-punk and new wave or what have you. I also like "Don't Leave Me This Way" by the communards, which I've never heard before, but clicked on to read the bands bio. I have always like "No One Is To Blame" and remember this from being a girl, by Howard Jones, that echoing British stuff where he sounds like he's singing in the shower with the water off and all I can see is the color blue. Oh, and how funny, I looked up the video for "You Spin Me Round Round" and LOOK AT THAT HAIR! The lead singer kills me with this asymmetrical hair-do that's so high, and then the guy with a pirate's patch. Wow. And that made women swoon...hahahaaa. So funny, and the dancing of the main singer in that purple suit. Then, very dramatically, three men bound with duct tape, turning round...round...round...so slowly.

You know what I'm noticing lately? Lions. There are lions everywhere all of a sudden and I'm like, what's with the lions? Lions in the engagement photos, in the beer posters above our heads, lion statues in the driveway where I'm living. Two lion sentries. Lions on everybody's shirts. My ex has a shirt with a big lion insignia on it and then yesterday Henry was wearing a big fiesty lion shirt. I pointed to this and said, "What's with the lion? Is that for Ferrari or something?" and no one answered me. They said, it's just a lion. There have been more lions though. I can't think of all the lions I've been seeing lately, but lotsa lions. Are lions traditional to Colombia, I wonder? They're like crests. Too bad my grandmother's crest is a pig head. Boar, rather. Well, there's some other animal, but I just remember the Boar. I think it's for Luxembourg but maybe it's for the Bairds. Oh God. I just realized. I even snort when i laugh. I must be carrying on some old family trait. The snorters were given the Boar's head for their crest. Or we were just slovenly. That would fit too!

Hmmm. "Year of the Knife". That would have been my 33rd year, which I called "The Year of My Crucifixion." Hey, I like the title of "Idiot Country". Yes. One of my favorite adjectives: idiot. Someday I will have to have the New Order CD. This "Vicious Streak" is very good, melodically. Has a good rhythm and movement. The New Order sound producer really did a great job. The sound engineer must have been a genius.

I think I had some comments to posts recently. Sort of "hello, and what do you think?" or agreeable posts. Wouldn't it be fun to be an Anne Landers or Dear Abbey?
I like this "Smalltown Boy" but it sounds like it should be titled "Runaway". Like it though. Also really like the "Stars" by Dubstar. Really like the movement of this one, and clubby. Why do I like Bananarama so much? I really liked Venus and Love In The First Degree. This Love In The First Degree makes me want to put my hands up and dance around the room (later).

Oh, my new favorite, for lyrics,is "Attitude" by Information Society. I laughed out loud at the part about the rich women getting richer while she's getting smarter. hahaaaa. And I like the part about the guy with attitude too. I really like those lyrics. yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. "Oh L'Amour" by Erasure! I used to dance around with my old best friend, in chains and chains of necklaces. One time we were in her room, and it was so hot and no air-conditioning and we threw our shirts off and put all these glittery necklaces on, stacks and stacks and started dancing around in our bras...Her mom walked in and saw us all sweaty and bejeweled and said, "What is GOING on?!" My friend had a spray bottle of water besides and was squirting herself and squirting me with the spray to cool down too.

hahaha. She got so embarrassed when her Mom opened the door, she ran into the closet and tried to drag me in there and then was squirting me with the spray bottle and her Mom came around the corner...wide-eyed. I was laughing hysterically. Like, what were we doing in the closet, in our bras, with necklaces on, squirting eachother with spray bottles? We were about 16 or 17. I think she was even wearing sunglasses. In the closet. We danced to Depeche Mode, The Cure, Erasure, and that one song by EMF "Unbelievable". Then I was making up operatic arias in my best opera voice, singing crazy stories improv, and here we were, in a trailer park. That makes it even funnier.

I like Heaven 17's "Penthouse and Pavement" for the lyrics too and then the guitar at the end. I really like this one and it's the first time I've heard it.

Like "Only You" by Yazoo. Very sweet lyrics and I'm pissed my music keeps cutting off today. It's like it won't play constant and then I lose some of the songs. Oh good, it's back.

In a moment I am being escorted back to the house where I am going to write out whatever images (non-psychic) come to mind, because this has been a sort of different day.

Oh my gosh. My mom wrote back, about what I wrote her about Will and Chris. She writes one line...understandably: "sounds pretty hard to believe. How do you KNOW?"
Yeah, and that's what I say to myself while I think I might be finally losing my mind.

Where is my Will Wagler and Chris Dabney fucking line-up? I need some verification and proof. I mean, who was that other guy the other day? Chris in make-up and with newly added highlights?

I am so fucking confused. I swear to GOD, I know this man. THESE MEN. I SWEAR TO GOD. I need to know so I know how I should feel. Pissed? perplexed? in love? in hate? vendetta? BENDETTTAAA.....who the HELL is this...ARE THESE MEN? and where did they come from?


"You Spin Me Round" again...like this song. I feel like I don't know who is who.

I feel the depressed and heavy vibe. Something isn't right but I don't know what it is. I am actually NOT losing my mind, seriously. But anyone in my position would strongly question what is going on and wonder what to think.

I'm positive about everything--the sting, the spy crap, and all the grooming stuff. The only part I don't completely understand is this identity of Chris and it has to be Will, because who else could make some of those comments? or know what he knew? or look at me that way, without significance?

And I know for certain, that was Will's sister. She looked more like Will than Chris does. So if it's Chris, he definitely does undercover well. I know for a fact, that was his sister. She looked like his sister.

At any rate, for the first time in a long time, I have the bad vibe again. I need to get some fucking glasses too, because I cannot even see the people driving by past the windows I'm so blind.

My parents know exactly who Will is. They KNOW I had a huge crush on him for years. They were always wondering why. My mother said, here I am in jr. high, "Cameo WAGler?" They called him Willy Wagler. Interesting song by Pet Shop Boys "Can You Forgive Her?" Will liked Pet Shop Boys and Beastie Boys back then. And U2 and Enya. My P.E. teacher was always talking about us, how we fought like cats and dogs but she saw something else too. Then, he was taking off to public school to take more advanced classes not offered at the private christian school. Math and science. He took chemistry at public school when we were all in Bible class and one of two sports: Volleyball or Cheerleading/Basketball or Basketball (for boys only). And, hahaa. Stephanie Maiers doing her cheers in front of all the guys and they're wolf calling out to her.

I like this song "Hold Me Now" by Thompson Twins. It's a good one.