Prince William On His Mother

I came home, depressed about not knowing whether Chris Dabney is Will Wagler for certain. Confused about everything, even maybe my last night date, who was wonderful and such a breath of fresh air but who seemed so...british? for Wisconsin.

So my ex was driving me home, and I'm turning up his war cry: "Tengo Camisa Negra" and trying to dance through it a bit, tapping my fingers along the glass of the window.

I felt so sad, for my son, the urgency of getting back to see him, and yet the desperation too of trying to line up my resources, and, perhaps, squandering some of my time which could be better used, on listening to music. I am very stressed out. I feel strong and that I'm getting stronger, and a weight is off of my shoulders now that I'm not marrying. But still...I'm waiting for a ticket and my Dr.'s appointment and all the while, trying to figure out who the hell is so in love with me, and if it's more than one person, and who the hell do I think I'M in love with? I feel I've no idea.

I came home, and said to my ex, as he watched me plug in the computer and flop upon the bed, "necessito la cama, mi computadora, y este bottelita!" and with that, I took a swig from the bottle of rum. Not much left, but it's not my fault (shh.).

I turned on the computer, and there was a headline about Prince William speaking about the loss of his mother. So I watched, it was from the MSNBC page I believe, and I had tears in my eyes almost immediately. Maybe it was the one shot of rum, maybe it is my emotions right now, but why do I feel so proud of him? I feel like crying even now, and in a very strange way, I understand. He has lost his mother and knows this pain and I have lost, in a sense, for some time at least, my own son, on unfair grounds. I was so proud of him because I can't imagine how proud his mother is of him and I don't know why but I'm even crying as I write this. It's maybe the second piece of footage I've watched of him as an adult because I feel so intrusive watching the media stuff. I mean, public figure yes, but there is so much invasion of privacy of public figures, I do think it's like legalized stalking and there should be better laws against it.

I don't know his voice, and realized his voice is deeper too, like Henrys. Really reminds me of the voice that sings the fairies melody at the end of the "Come on Eileen" song.

At any rate, I thought it was so wonderful for him to share this with the children, and I have known this. I'm sure we all have right? but I have felt William must particularly, not more than Henry, but as he shared a couple more years with his mother, must feel deeply about the loss. I cannot imagine. It was very well said, and for good cause, that he shared, and what he's been through will help others too, I know. I think I cried, most of all, though, because I know his mother would be proud. Because i know my own son, if he were old enough to speak his mind publicly, would be saying the very same thing.

I am very proud, for Diana, about both of her sons. She will always be their compass and beacon, and it is good their father is there as well. But, this one is for the mothers.

I may be even more emotional because of my very long dream last night, about my son and how he missed me and needed me.

On another tangent, just below that headline is "Mail arrives--47 years late." Yeah. Like, what the fuck has been happening to MY MAIL?! I'm going to be in my rockingchair, sorting through all the expired checks someone was sending to me to help me with my legal funds for my son. Or all the evidence against the state. I'm not even going to READ that article because I'm already pissed.

Another thought...I didn't know these guys were all done with the military stuff. I guess they did their time, huh? Or they all get breaks and holiday or something?