New Mini-Adventure

I haven't made contact with my Pakistani people. It really seems, to me, that a lot of people don't want me to make contact with them, as if they're afraid of them or afraid of ME with them. I don't know which.

I had no car and had to get out of the house so I walked to the bus station and got a ride from some people who seemed fine. I think they're good guys. The only thing I sort of thought was odd was that he took back a $5 bill he gave me, saying he wanted to give me more and then he put it all back in his pocket. Did I seem buzzed after two drinks? I don't know. I mean, I never asked for the fiver, but sort of weird to take it back. Maybe he forgot. Anyway.

I will tell you what, it was nice to talk with them and meet other people as well. I went with them to a sports bar when they were just going to take me to the cafe. I thought, "I should have a drink!" so I did. I had a good time talking with them and they said they have maybe music work for me. Maybe some studio stuff, AND the best part, a band that's already forming and maybe could use collaboration. (listening to coldplay as I write this...violet hill made me cry almost and then viva la vida blows me away everytime and i write faster whenever i hear it. Very motivational.) This band is supposed to be a combo of new funk and old school hip hop and r&b. I guess they're all young and like some of the older stuff. Which is what I like, even if I'm older. If I gain 100 lbs, all my wrinkles are gone and teenagers ask me which high school I go to--I am a Ricky Lake hottie; I can pass for 18 when I'm 100 lbs heavier. I don't know if music people would approve.

I was asked if I could have gone ack to college, what would I have gone for? Journalism? I said I would like to study grammar and better essentials, but that actually, if I went back and did it over, I would study film and want to make my own short movies or movies and write screenplays. I don't really want to be an actress so much as the idea person. But then they said Hollywood and I thought, hmmm, perhaps, if that's where creative writing people are. But for a series it would be sort of dull. You'd have to embellish forever...and ramble...Oh no. I'd probably be great at doing soap operas. I'd rather do quirky comedy.

So these guys also said they had parties I could serve or clean for, which would be fine. Sort of catering type, private parties. They were really nice guys. I also talked to this fascinating JEWISH (he didn't tell me, but I know! even though his name was "cliff" of all things) guy from NY who recommended Chicago. I said I'd like Chicago a lot except for the cold wind because I'm always cold! Maybe if I had the right coat and gloves. He told me this hilarious story about how he was working from one building to the next, in D.C., and because he was a private contractor and not actual CIA, but just working for them, he was followed by a soldier in full gear and with a machine gun or whatever kind of gun. I said, "Was this in Iraq?" he said, "No, D.C." And we talked about hang-gliding and how we'd both wanted to try it until we saw how they could crash and burn, around the power lines even. He traveled for IT things and was an extrovert though, as well. I liked him.

One of the guys I met earlier stopped by and said he was going to church tomorrow and there was a good choir. I said maybe I'd go if it was good gospel and he said there were kids singing. It was the kid's concert, so I said maybe I'd go.

I like "Dustland Fairytale" by The Killers, a lot. It's really beautiful, the lyrics are from heaven and earth. The whole package. I also like "I love everybody" by starsailor and wrote something about this last night. How I was thinking about what I really want and need right now and sorting my goals out. I want my son and I want friends and really, I was writing, just like everybody from all the different countries and would like to get to know people for their interests and not just going to them with my problem about my son. I also wrote about something else, which I don't want to mention, but it felt very near to me and important even though I don't know these guys.

I feel the bad vibe again. It was gone, sometime after I was talking with people at the Pub and now it's back, for no reason. Just a sadness, heaviness. An energy that's really sad and weighted. It was completely gone for a long time though, like it had lifted. I should time these things. I didn't write down the time but now it seems gone or better. And I swear to God it has nothing to do with me.

I don't know if this music thing is going to be totally legit or not. The one guy was really coming onto me and it seemed to be more about this and then he didn't know who Lady Gaga was. Which isn't that big of a deal, but if he's in music??? We'll see. He asked if I wanted him to get me tickets and I said no, I was didn't know if I was going to be here in this area or not and that I was just a fan.

A couple came into Safeway tonight, acting completely bizarre. I thought they were on weed. They kept looking at me and laughing but the one guy was red in the face and then when I turned to plug something in, I turned back quickly and saw her rolling her eyes at him, looking at me. I have no idea who they are. They were both tall and thin and from Tausa college near Baltimore they said. The guy started blushing when he was talking to me and she acted like she didn't like it. They seemed suprised that I controlled the conversation, asking them where they were from.

If someone gives you a dirty look, and it's obviously about you and directed that way, I find it interesting to walk up rather than away, and approach in a nonchalant and friendly way, and strike up casual conversation. The looks don't last long, when they realize you're approachable, not afraid or intimidated, and that you are actually coming to them in kindness, instead of returning or exchanging the look or allowing a misperception to control things.

I have found out a lot about people and whether I am right or not about my perceptions, through just going right into the dislike, animosity, or air of superiority and taking charge.

It has a very good psychological effect on others, and I've done this with people I KNOW do not like me and they don't know how to react. Kill the crud with kindness. Or, not kindness exactly, but by taking charge of the situation and where the energy is headed.