Bad Vibe Tonight

It was about 7:30 p.m. or so, for the first time in awhile I got that horrible vibe. A bad feeling, heaviness and depression or something, and I was with my ex so I didn't feel it was coming from him and it wasn't my own "depression" or anything. I could tell something was off somewhere, for someone. It didn't affect me in my life at all or have anything to do with ME feeling ...I don't know. It's not manic depressive or anything like that. It's seriously an empathy thing. And I told my ex and then it was gone about a half hour later. I felt great later, and realized it was gone.

Today I heard and absolutley adore and want to sing with the Celtic Woman. I am at least a little Irish! I heard "You Raise Me Up" and was singing away. Today I think ex thought I was singing better than usual. I'm always singing but he said this morning, "You're singing!" I was just singing halfway okay.

Do you know what? I forgot how high I can sing, and what my range is. It's crazy. I can sing very, very, high, beautiful and ethereal notes and I totally forgot about it until I was singing to Celtic Woman's "You Raise Me Up" and went up several octaves. I mean, it sounds like bragging, but it was just better thna usual and I guess we all knew. Really weird. I forgot about my range and how the Irish clarity and pure tones suit me. I also sang a very good interpretation of "If It Makes You Happy." It was expressive and I sang from my heart like an actress. Actually, I can really feel that one out and sing it different ways. So many ways to imagine how to phrase the lyrics.

I haven't met up with my friends yet, about alternate situations.

My back appointment went well. Everyone was so nice. But at this very moment I'm having some issues. I took the steroid stuff and Percocet. At first it was fine and now, I'm having a very sharp and different pain in the middle of my back where the pain is usually a throbbing variety. It's different right now. I took all 6 steroid things. I think I will get a second opinion if it doesn't improve. He felt I didn't need surgery at this point, but if it's not better I'll see about this other guy and I tried to call and make an appointment for second opinion but I know I'll meet him because this will be with me for life and at some point, well, there must be some suggestions.

It was so interesting, again today, to see how I can connect, how anyone can connect, with Latinos through language or just common interest. I asked someone if they'd fax something they usually wouldn't fax, at such an office, and then when I began talking about cultural things, like her translation skills and how I want to learn more and my son is part Mexican and everything, she took a new and brightened interest in me and faxed away. She was wonderful. It was like when I was on the bus and asked, in English, if anyone had change for a dollar. Total silence, and then, I said the same thing in Spanish, and wide eyes and people offering to help me.

Oh, I like "Inner Smile" by Texas. I LOVE TEXAS and they're Scottish. Did I say that already? I like "J'aime appelle Bagdad" by Tina Arena. I didn't like her other English song but I like this and hearing it in french. I saw many people from the Middle East today! Just out and about. One woman, in a white headress in a long SUV with tinted windows and I could still see and she was smiling. She looked like some kind of princess.

Talking, talking, thinking about what to do with the situation legales with my son. I hope I have donations because I swear to God I'd put it to the legal matter and to good use.

This one makes me cry: "Natasha Bedingfield's" Pocketful of Sunshine. I listened to it all the time in Birch Bay when I worked at the oil refinery. I still remember the guy from England, and he asked me what I wanted to listen to and I said this, and he brightened. He liked to dance too. He and the other guys called me "cindy" for Cinderella. I was cleaning all the soot from the coker. I still love those guys and think about them from time to time. So solid and fun. But that video absolutely makes me think of my son. That little boy. I really like Andrea Corr's "I Do" especially the first verses. The lyrics make me think of...hmmm...childhood days.

I was thinking, someone said I looked a little nordic and although I cannot think of a particular country that's very northern european, but Garrett is supposed to be Norman English so that's when the Vikings came from the north and went into England. So perhaps that way? Or through Penn. Dutch? but that's not always Dutch, but I think German? At any rate, will have to find out more when I delve into family history more.

I met a man from Scotland today with the slightest accent. Such a nice man and observant too. He said he was just a tech but he was more than that. And when I smelled the coffee brewing, he offered me some. It was so nice, and then well everyone was great today.

Ooooh... love this one "BITCH" by Meredith Brooks. I like singing this one like an anthem. Like Heart Shaped Box by a woman too "michelle branch". Thinking about being a bitch...oh, and then Ronan Keating doing the male version of "When You Say Nothing at All" really, I'm surprised a man didn't sing this one before a woman to start with. "I Shall Believe" Sheryl Crow...so right. this is one so out there and understated at the same time, one to sing...hmmm...could really work this one out but with time, it is fully the heart and a song about the soul...not to be done halfway at all. all or nothing. I like this one for it's background heartbeat ...oh i like how she says "i confess". from the very first, i liked this one by nerina pallot, "mr. king". gorgeous lyrics. the part about her wanting to lie down and die, very brave in its own quiet way. she's a put together poet. nice rhymes and finishes to the verse. like savage garden for being jazzy. That sounded pathetic and trite. Also like "out of the blue" by delta goodrem. my favorite part is the part about finding someone after thinking they were going to be working the world alone. Dido's voice. It's really what i'm thinking of (is that the title?) I closed my eyes on that one, and just took in the voice. Well, going to continue listening without writing about the songs. Just want to zone. Ummm take that back to comment on Lene Marlin's "Playing My Game". What a great performance and the part where she says "I cried!" just breaking in the middle of the song, is like water gushing, or just breaking out of a rock that's been struck with the Rod of Aaron. Amazing. love kelly clarkson, all the way around.

Also, I heard an interesting explanation for the fox hunting dress. I was a little perplexed when I saw the fox hunting group years ago and it was explained to me it's part of a tradition to look well out of respect for the property of others. Because they go, or used to go, from one property to the other, and it was a way of being presentable while traipsing through the landowners lot. I didn't know that.