My Help: Iran & Pakistan

I have exhausted every possible option. I cannot think of one time the U.S. has stepped up to the plate to fix their own mess, or accept responsibility for what some of their own have done to me. I have only further reason not to trust those in the Catholic church besides.

It seems the U.S. system is no longer independent or capable of managing itself without religious infusion and interference.

I have tried, over and over, to get help from the U.S. for problems THEIR employees or government officials created. There are some very good people in intelligence and law enforcement, whom I have never met and who will never help me.

I continue to be harassed and exploited by individuals who make vain promises. I have flacid individuals in the U.S. covering for things and then I have others making promises they never intended to keep.

I have people coming out of the woodwork to defend the U.S. when there is no defense for what has been done to me. I have people coming out of the woodwork to blame me and tell me to "go to Wenatchee" and "cooperate with the state" as if that's what this has all been about--me.

The only people to take me at my word were the people of Iran. And then of Pakistan. Maybe someone decided they didn't like the idea of Pakistanis helping me or assisting me. But I know who has sought me out, in the cafes, and who provided shelter when I had none and was assaulted and the CIA and FBI knew and stood by to do absolutely nothing. There were Canadians who believed me from the start. But more of them were willing to do whatever the U.S. wanted and caved to pressure when there was no just cause to send me and my son back. Canada could have prevented this and they did not stand against the lies.

I thought Colombia or someone wanted to help me. But it seems it was more about what I could for them than really helping me. They wanted instant gratification. I WANT to give back and when I've been in a position to give, I give. But I don't need people telling ME that I need to "work" and can I "work" and it will only happen if I "work" and how I have to help myself by "working" and how this is all up to "you". I have people wanting to give me the world if I would only give them my eyes, ears, heart, soul, and mouthpiece. Oh yeah, that, and my ass. Everyone wants a piece of ass. A Mercedes if I'll pull out all the stops and become a fucking Eva Peron. A small token of affection, a cup of coffee, but nothing beyond essentials, in order to force me to "work" because I must need someone to pressure me to "work". Because all this time, I

--slight distraction--"I Do" by The Corrs. Took me back to the grandfather clock.--

Because all this time, I must have been some kind of lazy slouch. Or no, I just need someone to force me to scratch and crawl. Tough love. That's what it is. Sink or swim. When I stopped swimming, I was left to sink. It's one thing to be standing in front of people who have absolutely nothing and who give from their heart, or who cannot even afford to make promises. But I stand before my own family and then a multitude of doubters, who dare make promises and claims and want to stand next to me proudly when I am singing, and then who shirk and shy away when I am slipping.

They took my son from my arms.

I have been harassed, persecuted, exiled, tortured, ridiculed, and mocked, by people in the "Best Country In The World", who put all of the blame on me.

I attempt to rise from the dead, and I feel hope against all odds, and laugh when anyone else would be shrieking, shriveling, or crying. "You have every right to have a breakdown", "There is no shame in getting medication or treatment". For what? For fucking seeing through the bullshit. I won't even get credit for actually holding up through all of it, when perhaps most WOULD not fare as well. I have surprised myself. I didn't even know I was as strong as I am.

The U.S. and The Catholic Church cannot accept responsibility for the serious damage they have done to me. They cannot take satisfaction in damaging me through their "wonder powers" or intellectual abilities but have to be content with using sheer brutality and massive energy expenditure. I have been outed by two greatest powers. No, I "outed" them and things that were done, but they joined hands and danced together, in a circle, holding hands, round the mulberry bush: "we all fall down!". They sang "London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down/take the key and lock her up, lock her up, lock her up."

My own parents, illogical and unable to outwit me or win a debate against me when I was six, now simply disown me and want to say there is something wrong. With me. When I was six, it was always, "Because I SAID so" and "Life isn't fair." What a lot of shit. I'm the decider says the U.S., because I said so says the government, and when they don't follow their own rules, life isn't fair.

Survival of the fittest and I have outrun these enemies in every race, but they still cannot concede. Out of all the organizations and people I went to, with legitimate concerns and complaints, there were only a couple who ever did the right thing, the legal thing. Scott Busby with the Washington State Bar, for whatever reason, huh...doing the right thing. Actually speaking up to the fact that I deserved a copy of my case file. Would have thought someone could have figured that out over a year ago. Who else? No one. Of all the people I appealed to, to follow the rules and obey the law, there is not even one other person to name from the U.S.

Out of ALL the people I went to, for help, for ANYTHING, only ONE person did the right thing on even the smallest thing that I shouldn't even have to mention, or be shocked by. I remember one name, one person, for doing nothing besides doing his job. The same thing everyone else should have been doing. Oh, one other person whose name I don't remember..someone from Marion County (City of Mt. Angel) Prosecuting Attorney's office. Told me it was not normal and very suspicious that they had not received any citations in connection with my name and that, by law, if charges were made, they had to be filed with them and they never were. Ever. One more, thinking of it now...The Tigard police when I first reported the rape by Josh Gatov...they were professional and kind but turned it over to Portland for jurisdiction (Christa knew where I had to go next and I was then harassed by Portland police).

Let's make a list. Let's go to the beginning of things. First the religious leaders who shirked their duties and then the actual supposedly secular government authorities who are good for nothing:

1. Fr. Joachim McCann. I went to him for help about Br. Ansgar's intentions and I was threatened, to shut up lest my "good name" be "dragged through the mud".

2. Br. Ansgar Santogrossi. Took advantage of having my attention and tried to use me for his own lust and personal gain and then lied about me.

3. The entire "round table" of monks who "decided" what "to do" with me. Who stood by silent, as I was widely defamed.

4. Dick Whittemore and John Kaempf. Who lied and loathed me, for having the upper hand when they were supposed to be the experts and experienced legal professionals. Lied and showed me exactly how rotten the core can be.

5. Bullivant Houser Bailey. Running a corrupt corporate law firm and refusing to fire two corrupt lawyers who buttered their bread. I predict this firm will fail in time...but then I think, no, it will fail in every way, morally. But it will succeed in the U.S. because it is taking the same course as all other corporations, until it collapses from the weight upon a cracked foundation.

6. Mt. Angel Police. I was cited falsely, on two different occasions, by two different officers, who took their directions directly from Dick Whittemore and the Mt. Angel Abbey. I went to the next in line. Then I went to the one above him. I went all the way up the fucking chain and not one officer took my complaint seriously. They justified everything. So then I was told to go to the State Police of Oregon. I did. I went all the way to the Lieutenant and was told no one would help me, or nothing would be done. No report was made, no action taken. Nothing. I was not only cited falsely and threatened, I was put under "investigation" with my "name on the board" because of the Abbey's wishes. This is the Catholic church. The so-called "holy men" who supposedly devote their lives to good, and "give up" all kinds of things, whom I actually BELIEVED in. One officer told me he was "Catholic" and that I offended his church as he gave me my first under color of law citations while I was peacefully protesting; walked across the street to speak with Dick Whittemore and Abbey officials for further direction. Second officer told me, as he gave me a false citation, while I was peacefully protesting again (same place, not on Abbey property but public side of road in town), to QUIT protesting, and waving at the signs, said, "or you'll keep getting yourself into trouble." Two times in a row, citations while sitting in a chair with protest signs in the ground. Third officer tells me he wants to date me and then takes me to an interrogation room for our "date" and claims it's just a warehouse where we can "talk" and I later found out it was a police interrogation property and building.

7. Oregon State Police. Tried to report what the Mt. Angel police were doing, by taking their orders from a church, The Catholic Church, for their own civil agendas. State police did nothing. Said there was nothing they could do, when even the Prosecuting Attorney's office knew something was foul and amiss.

8. Dan Gatti and Greg Smith. I believe Dan is not "born again" or any of that bullshit. He is Catholic and he delved into my evidence only to see what I had on the Abbey and pass the information onto Dick Whittemore. Asked me, while taking my binders full of email and evidence from the monks, if these were my original copies and if I had made any other duplicates and he was going to keep them for awhile. Gatti and Smith made a show out of me. Took my case, and confirmed they'd taken it and started a file and then wanted me to get photos of the "shack in the woods" and then told me they wanted me to abandon any legal action but go in front of the media, The Oregonian, and hold up the photos and tell everyone I wasn't going to sue, but this is what happened to ME, for the furtherance of their other cases. The Abbey wanted a deal and Gatti tried to deliver. Then refused to give me copies of the photos which they said were taken for my case, with assistant Ryan at the same time. When I reported them to the Oregon Bar, they both flat out LIED. Why lie if they were really working on behalf of clergy abuse victims? They lied because they were just a part of a group that took cases to have them concealed for the Catholic Church and settled for minimal amounts or to dissuade people from pursuing legal action. I believe Dan Gatti is mafia and is not who he claims to be. He's a cunning and charming liar and so is Greg Smith. He had the man in the dark hair ponytail, slicked back, come by my apartment and check things out, in the black luxury Mercedes or towncar with tinted windows. Dan Gatti is a rat. He is not who he pretends to be. He was taking cases, to get rid of them and set precedents the Abbey wanted to set, just like some of the other so-called "victims' advocates". Took all my information I gave him, from people who had been sexually assaulted as children or knew others and when I called to see what he said to them, I was told he'd tell them to forget about it and that they didn't have a case and couldn't prove it. There's part of the Catholic Italian mob problem right there, which I had problems with while waitressing at The Pub. Took a full account of the lack of my sexual experience and tried to set me up with his son.

9. Oregon State Bar. Mary Cooper took my complaint, Christa knew I was sending it to the Bar and so did Gatti and Smith. They made sure my complaint went to a trusted Catholic woman. She claimed they did nothing wrong. I called my former boyfriend who became a highly paid attorney, Robin Bechtold, and he said I had clear and convincing evidencee against Gatti and Smith and that they should be sanctioned and it was clear there was an attorney client relationship and that they attempted to use me and trash my case, and in conflict of interest, for furtherance of their own goals (which were also the goals of the Abbey).

--oh, another tangent. I like this one by Jewel "My Hands". I think, no, I'm not in despair. I'm done with the U.S. That's not despair. That's moving on to better things, and putting my faith in something else that hasn't failed. The U.S. has had more than enough opportunity and time to right this, or right SOMETHING, and they don't do a thing.--

10.

(will finish this later today, along with OIG compaint)

I know who the enemy is. I have my problems with the U.S. and the Catholic church, period. Even recently, one big set up to distract and stall. I don't believe in any of it. None of it. And not in the date I had either, who was Catholic. Done with all of that, and with trying to trust these men who just want to use me and trash me. I will never again date anyone who is Catholic, never again, regardless of whether he is "converted" or "lapsed" or non-practicing. I will never, ever, again take a date with anyone who is Catholic or has been baptized or even confirmed or "sprinkled" as Catholic. I will explain why and what's happened, again, most recently. I was duped again.

I am absolutely putting my faith and trust in the Muslim people. They have nothing against me. I have nothing against them. Some Jewish like me, and some hate me. I don't know which are which but it's love or hate torwards me. So I'm not as certain, even though I have nothing, personally, against them. I think we've Jewish on both sides of the family, for positive, on my father's side through his mother and father. But mabye some hate me for insulting the Rabbi Rose by speaking about their family. I don't know.

I am getting my son through help from Muslim people and then I am moving with my son. I am having no part of this country.

Am reporting Chris for what he did. Will Wagler.

Nice Debbie Gibson song. Too late, too long, too manipulative. Reporting everything the FBI did and have time to file a lawsuit against them still, in the future, for multiple causes, and damages, not to mention defamation and assault. Nice how the FBI wants to wait things out to see how much they can get away with, hoping to evoke reaction through silence.

Lawyers tell you to shut your mouth, don't they?

Just like Jesus did. Jesus told you, you could abuse and use me too, because you knew me and thought you had some right to me. So fucked up it's not even funny. Keep a distance and hope you don't have to pay for anything, and protect your job, and the agency. Like a good ole boy.

Another good ole boy. Another very good reason for making sure everyone knows what the FBI is all about and how much they cared about my life and the life of my son. Another good reason for wanting to meet people that have nothing to do with your fucking people.

I will delete some of this and finish my list of people who didn't do their job.

I have a lot of bills and I am not responsible for paying these bills. The U.S. and the Catholic church are indebted to me.

I am not afraid of Osama bin Ladin. I am afraid of the American hypocrites.