tonight, music, thoughts

i got a lot done in a backwards way, today. sometimes taking a different course or moving back to gather info is actually moving forward.

listening to the cure radio again. not in the mood for poppy 80s right now. listened to gloria gaynor's i will survive.

met some new people and found out what i need to do for my case in hyattsville, which i missed filing an appeal on because of medical reasons. so i got info on what to do, which was good.

oh i think i'm in love with this song...first time hearing...what is this? new order's "regret". beautiful. i like new order a lot. it reminds me of the cure's intros but it's a little different, love the drive of the guitar, electronic guitar right? i see a visual zig zagging pattern with that sound. zippers, and z's, and v's, and especially horizontal zig zagging. it's wonderful. i think i see the z's because of the way a pick across a guitar will strum, sometimes. so liked that one.

i am in love with this one too-- telecommunication by flock of seagulls. love the chorus. for some crazy reason, the pink enegizer bunny comes to mind, go figure, and lots of other drummers as well. but here comes the bunny...these last two songs made me smile, by new order and flock of seagulls.

i like this one too. this morning it was a little darker, but the stuff playing now is perfect. no love lost by joy division. i like the drums on this one, it's sort of like a heavy rain on a rooftop and then raindrops splashing into a bucket, heartbeats, and i think it reminds me a little of a 60s song, light my fire...i think the sound work, i mean, the production of this song is interesting, how the sound of the drum was captured. it sounds almost like it's just over the head. very cool

zu jung, ju alt...have no idea what they're saying, but i like some elements. it's a little boring to me though. too redundant but maybe the lyrics are good. like "all that money wants" by psychedelic furs...like. i really like "an unguarded moment" by the church. first time i've heard it and i love it. music and lyrics both. can relate. like "marrina" by the creatures. nice, surrounding round the head effect, with the birds in the background. first made me think of being in the portrait museum outdoor eating space, or any arboretum, hmm, what do you call those things?
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reflective black sunglasses with a purple tint
metallic light refracting from the lens
why should i care to see whether your pupils are
dilated or not, when i am able to see what you are thinking
when i know the only way to seduce you
is through words
as puppy as you are to touch
as annoyed as you are to words like puppy
some dissolve with touch, others break with sound
words, the right words
in their proper, witty, and rightful place
so sorry i don't know how to talk dirty
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tears for fears: "i believe" makes me tear up. like "caucasian walk" by virgin. prunes. really, really, REALLY like "wild, wild, life" by talking head-it cracks me up. like the lyrics to "loveless" by siouxsie. very strong lyrics. hahaa. "go wild in the country" by bow wow wow. lol. also like inxs, always. everyone should hear "go wild in the country". the sisters of mercy: "more" is so good. very good song. sort of...well, it's hard to do anything but be captured by the song and listen. like intrigue in tangiers by the chameleons. have heard it before, and i like it. like "the back of love" by echo & the bunnymen--a good guilt trip song. bauhaus, interesting bagpipe type of sound "it's in can"? is that the name??? she's ___something...understood the rest. like the end a lot with the change and elimination of most instruments, and the part where he says "happy days are here again". like the cures "just say yes" and gary numan's "god only knows"--i think this is my first time hearing it, but i adore, adore. like adam and the ants "physical (you're so)". really like this one too, in a deja vu way, but i guess it's about deja vu in a way, i think it must be called "standing in the doorway"? the sound "temperature drop" is powerful in its own way...for some reason it made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. laugh because it's so right, and cry for the exact same reason. like the smith's "still ill", made me laugh at the intro, the first couple of sentences...about england owes me a living. that cannot be said as poetically, about the states. england owes me a living is lyrical, "america owes me a living" is not. love duran duran's "a view to a kill"--sort of sent chills on my arms from the first half, even before the chorus. is this a james bond song though? it brings the title...view to a kill? is that a james b. movie? or no? perfect assassin or sniper song.
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rainbow colored windmills on a stick
in the kite shop, bought none but spun
them round and round, watching the reverse
action forced by the wind
turning the wheels of the automobile
turning the wheels toward my fate
watching you point and look at me with a
smile of wonder, we should have gone away,
then. i left too late, basking in the sun.
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look at these pictures!
mira! i said, "soy el sol y tu eres la luna."
i pointed at the sun in the mural
above my head
and the miller light orb
above his head.
"mira!" i said, "la familia con the cowboys"
i said, pointing to the family with the rancheros
lassoeing in the painting
"oh, y aqui," i said, "mi y mi caballo..."
it was me and him with a white horse to my side.
he was probably wondering, at the title of
the photo before i pulled it up to size--
("i am her horse?")
he was laughing with me. come on, how could he not?
the total situation. el situacion totales.
"mi, con el bird blanco" i said,
pointing out the one with me singing,
a white eagle dramatically soaring from my mouth
or past me, like a white dove,
consecrating this beautiful and beastly mess.
we are carnivores at the carnival
spectators, once again in the school gymnasium
watching the drama club
forget their words and noticing how everyone
is picking out their favorite scene from
the background artistry.
the first thing i said when we pulled up,
to my girlfriend, who is from equador,
was: "el tejanos...what are 'tejanos'?"
i answered my own question, i think when i said,
after a long pause--
"cowboys?!"
getting out of the car i saw my fiance waving to me
with a huge bull's head, bearing horns
fronting the roof of the building
highlighting the name of the restaurant
i am lassoed like a laser beam is tangible to the touch
he is laughing with me, the next evening
and i am playing with technology
thinking it's funnier to keep the photo
of me with a seeming glass eye, untouched.
one eye is red and the other is glassy green.
"mis ojos," i said.
it was good that he could laugh.
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black licorice, gnawing as i think,
say something that eveyone likes to hear,
especially in spanish: "yo soy un oveja negra."
every sentence should be completed with
"i am the black sheep de mi familia"
flash of a photo with red and white and one
black sheep before me, in my mind
as i am climbing in
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took muscle relaxants tonight and think
THIS IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT!
my train is NOT taking off
as i would wought, er...want?
sauntering through the music with a brain
on slow-train....
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the grandfather clock from belgium
(belgium, i think) is supposed to be
full of family history, granny gave
everything away, to brothers and sisters
who wanted more, more, more,
but she kept the clock which inspired
one of my son's first words, "tic-toc"
i was raised with the metronome
raised with the tone, and the brass,
raised with cafe au lait at the kitchen table
and hickory, dickory, dock.
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looked up the translation, in english from german, to zu jung, ju alt. the lyrics are powerful. like morrissey's "hold onto your friends". i am reminded i need to say yes to my old and good friend k.'s facebook. we've known eachother since she and i were 15 years old, going to the same church together. i also need to respond to my blogger comments. i got one from a "fuzzy nosed wombat" and have to write. sort of funny, that description...i looked it up after reading princess diana used it for her son william, "wombat", well, charles AND diana used it and thought, "what is that?!" and found it is a kind of bear. i don't know what kind. some sort of australian bear i think? that looks like a koala maybe? i thought, oh! a bear! fitting nickname, as my own son's nickname was usually and most often "little bear". i have no idea why i'm writing all of this. i think i should not take flexeril before attempting to write anything. i don't really like any of my images or poems tonight. they're general, non-descript, and sort of boring. i don't feel inspired in any way, but i'm sure flexeril is to blame for it. you have to know, the brain is a muscle, and that's just going to slow down and "relax" with all the other muscles this medication is supposed to affect. so i'm not a fan of flexeril by any means. oh yeah, what a tangent. all that to say i need to write back to fuzzy wombat and the others

like this "the danse society" song. it reminds me of the military combined with pure ballet. i can see ballet legs and military legs at the same time. the "danse!" "move!" shouts remind me of the punctuation of the legs or march. soo, so, beautiful, this smashing pumpkins "galapogos" song...makes me feel like crying after the carve my name out in a tree part. i've never heard it before. i wonder if smashing pumpkins are? new wave? Mr. Alphabet Says by the glove, made me smile before it commands the listener, literally, to smile.

i was going to write more on my post about not taking sides. i plan to finish this tomorrow perhaps. i have to get up early tomorrow.

it's very strange...i had this combined feeling or vibe off and on about sadness, heaviness, and danger, and then it practically disappeared. i've more positive vibes now, but i don't feel it was bad what i sensing before, necessarily...someone said maybe it's empathy. i have no idea. i like the mission's "tower of strength" a lot. first time i've heard it, i think. really like it. it's strange, everything in my life now, because it was like something momentous was building, and i felt i was on the brink of some discovery and...i don't know. then it was suddenly on another course, or I was or something. i guess, with getting married. i was thinking about it, that i was actually not with my fiance until after i miscarried, or my baby died, so that was in december. not november. just thought about it bc i think i wrote somewhere that we met in november, but that's what he said and it's not the case. i really like this tower of strength song. i have to go to bed probably right after or maybe listen to one more song and that's it.

signing off on new order's "blue monday". i love this song. i noticed, for the first time, the plane taking off sound in the middle. actually, a lot of cool experimental sounds in this. and his lyrics! i like how he changes his voice at the beginning, with "now how do i feel" like, hmm, i don't know, like he is masking his voice or something or i don't know. okay one more. the sound is good...depeche mode's "nothing's impossible". very good song. the background sound is like a submarine sound, the underwater sonar sound. wow. this is a really good song. i'll have to come up with better images tomorrow because i should be inspired if i were not so "relaxed". it's edward scissorhands at the end. listen to the very end...scissorhands clipping the hedges. "All Those Moments" by she wants revenge is very pretty, sad though. sort of like a space ship song with the background sounds. but i thought about a funeral too when i first heard the starting music. i can see a boomerange as well, hurling through space and coming back to find it's owner. okay, goodnight. i am so addicted to music. i cannot sign off. there is this talking heads song, instrumental, that makes me think of little flowers popping open and piping up and down and then a bird cry...oh, it has a vocalist afterall. hahahaaa. lol. i love these lyrics. i want to know what song this is. wow, i love that bird sound. i cannot help but smile througout this song. i have felt very good vibes tonight for the last hour or two. sort of the someone is praying for me or someone loves me vibe. hard to explain or describe. i am really really leaving now...okay, i have to sign off when the song ends and before the next one begins. right now it's "spellbound" by siouxsie and the banshees. i will have to come up with a sign tomorrow. or find one, or ask for one.