Monday, April 1, 2013

man with ring (?) impression and finding gold

10:36 p.m.  blond (?) young man holding ring with both hands.  In the center is a stone or something, but both hands touch the outside and he faced left, sitting, turning it and looking at it in broad daylight outside.

I was about to fall asleep.

I think it's because I saw the Turkish flag and thought it looked like a pincher grabbing a star.  Like a pincher thing on both sides. 

I didn't picture a person and then I went to bed and was lying down and this flashed to my mind, some blond guy but it's a different one.  Wider face I think than the one I usually see.  Looking down at it, head tilted down, examining it in the light.

Maybe a bracelet even, both something small and definitely jewelry and I thought a ring, and holding it by both hands to look at the center.  I could see legs, arms, hair, face (sort of but always fuzzy) and the movement of holding it and looking at it.

It must be one of those times where you're about to have a dream but you're still awake.  Anyway, instead of writing it down later, I got up immediately and looked at the time.

No one else was around him and he looked alone.

The object on the ring sort of looked round, like some kind of stone.  It didn't look like a diamond but some kind of smooth stone. 

I thought this last night and then today I asked my Mom if I could borrow a potato or mashed potatoes because I was in the mood for one but didn't want to go to the store.  She gave me one and said, "It's not for mashing really" and I looked at it and I said what kind is it and she said, "It's a Yukon Gold". 

I looked at it and it reminded me of the stone from the night before.

I have something to mention about panning for gold in a minute, but I have to say, I was going to eat it plain with salt, oil and vinegar but I had more borscht stock, newly made.   I have resisted against adding potatoes to the borscht because it didn't seem right somehow.  However, I looked at it when I cut it open and thought, "I think this is a borscht potato" and I tried it and it's really, really, good.  The way I made my borscht this time was without grating the beets.  It helps get all of the color out but I didn't feel like it so I boiled them whole, several of them, and I added a little leftover corn oil from frying hashbrowns, with a touch of tumeric (just a tiny bit, not even noticeable) and then I blended up California red pepper chili pods with water and poured it over the beet stock.  I added just a little salt.  When it was done, I poured out the soup with a whole beet (and then cut it up individually) into a bowl (for one serving) and added fresh lemon juice squeezed, apple cider vinegar, and karo light corn syrup and a tiny bit of minced jalapeno, fresh, occasionally.  I added the lemon, vinegar, corn syrup and jalapeno later, by bowl.  So then when I added the Yukon gold to it, it was really good.  So that is the first time I added potato to my beet or borscht soup.

About the gold panning, one of the happiest days I had as a kid, that I remember well, was panning for gold in Oregon on a vacation.  It might have been Washington actually, but we took a drive and stopped at this stream out of the way and spent the entire day in this small river with wading pools naturally in it, under trees that shifted with the wind to let in dappled light.  It was super hot, so hot, that it felt good to be in mountain cold water, but there were parts where it wasn't freezing.  We had pans and learned how to pan for gold and I actually found gold.  I was always finding mica, or fool's gold, but then I found real gold, even though it was flakes of gold. I think I found a small nugget of gold too, and yes, I remember I did, because I gave it to my parents and we had it in Moses Lake and then I asked where it was and it was gone.  I had been telling them I wanted to take it to the bank and have it weighed.  My entire imagination was going.  I had GOLD!  So yes, I was thinking of all kinds of ways to find out what it was worth and then it disappeared.  "What happened to my gold?" I said.

When my tiny nuggets disappeared, maybe just one of them, I only had a few flakes left.  When I found it, in the river, I remember, because I showed my parents and they said probably not and I said, "Yes! it really is!  because it said in this book if you bite it and it gets a dent, it's probably gold".  It was the same color as bright yellow gold, and shone in the sun, and when I bit into it, it didn't break, it creased a little.  I showed it to them and they said maybe it is!  I remember they weren't as excited as I thought they'd be.  They seemed depressed.

I panned all day, with my brother, and we sifted through all the sediment and rocks to find gold and I remember how great it felt to be in the water.  We swam and we panned for gold, and then we had a picnic outside on the grass, which I really thought was fun too.  After that, I was always wanting to "have a picnic".  ("Let's have a picnic!" I would always say to my mother, and if she said no, I made my own picnics outside on our lawn).

I was so happy that I had actually found gold too. I had more than one piece of it, some flakes and little nuggets, not huge, I mean, pebble size, like the size of a mustard seed.  Most of it disappeared and the one little piece I had left, I kept biting to see how it was "real gold" and it eventually disappeared. 

I was really upset when the nuggets disappeared because I had been talking excitedly about taking them to the bank to see what they were worth.

People have been stealing from me, my entire life.

Levi panned with me but he didn't find any gold, however, he was much younger and I was determined I would find it.

After my gold disappeared I was given earrings with mustard seeds in them.  I was told, by someone, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains."  Of course, it's from the Bible.

I think my gold flake got lost in the carpet one day but the other pebbles were stolen.  My parents wouldn't steal them (for what purpose?) but someone who made demands would.  Just the U.S. government, that's all.

Then, one of my mustard seed earrings disappeared and I saved the other one for decades until it was stolen later, in 1997.  I had it in a box with vintage pearls and things and I was living in St. Johns' at the house I owned and it was around that time it was stolen.  I had the other pearls and beads for a few more years until 2003.

Anyway, I remember that day of panning for gold in the river, or little hidden stream, under the dappled sunlight and trees, and the picnic, as a highlight of my childhood but I do remember I wondered why my parents were depressed.  They hardly even talked to eachother or to us.  I remember it as a very good family day with all of the elements of the sun, water, air, and earth being in perfect harmony and feeling happiness from the senses, while looking for gold.  We were told to move it around and it would cloud up and the sediment would rise to the top and the gold would be at the bottom.

Later, at age 11 I had my first babysitting job for Ruthie Ames who said to me, in a sugary-sweet mica way, "You're worth your weight in gold."  It is the only thing she said to me, about me.  Oh Cameo, you're worth your weight in gold.

Around 11:58 a.m., after writing this, I reached for sunflower seeds and this jar with "name" on it that has a gold colored knotts berry farm lid fell at my feet and I hoped it wouldn't hit my feet.  It didn't and I looked down and it was rightside up with a dent on the lid. I don't know if someone dented it like that but I don't think so because I had it out a few days ago and it wasn't.  Anyway. It has pau d'arco in it.  It didn't roll when it hit the ground.  I heard one noise and that was it, and I looked and it was rightside up at my feet.
I had a weird dream last night but I think it was probably a U.S. technology prompted dream.  I didn't notice torture at all, but before I fell asleep there were a couple of things done to the top of my head.  When I woke from my dream I didn't notice any torture though. 

I don't remember all of it, but in the dream I was eating beef.  Which I don't do, and I don't even use gelatin pills or if I have them, I pour them out where it's possible and take the mixture another way.  My Dad asked my Mom about the meatloaf this morning, but it was a bunch of beef and I was feeding people and it was a huge feast and everyone got beef.  It was in rectangular shapes but the size of large cars and then a group didn't get their beef, so I thought maybe they want me to serve them so I showed them and they didn't want it that way or something..can't remember.  And I was eating beef and breaking it in two. There was no other food.  Just beef.   It was feeding about an entire cafeteria sized room of people.  Maybe there was silverware but I broke the beef with my hands.  And then I was shown a secret room.  It was underground and no windows and lined in stone and had a door that went into the room and there was a piano at the back and I said, in my dream, "This has a good feeling to it, someone must be singing a lot of psalms in here."  Then not too much more to the dream and I woke up.  I sort of looked in and then walked out.

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