Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Gestational Surrogacy & U.S. Federal Anti-Competition In College

My women's exams are turning out fine for carrying a child (or two) and I have no STDs (checked but still want the HIV checked just for routine).  I don't see how it would be possible because literally, the only time there was not external protection, I got pregnant.

I get pregnant the minute-of.  The only times I've ever not used, I got pregnant.  That was with Oliver's Dad in Mexico somewhere, and with Dabney and that's it.  On top of that, most of my life, more than normal people, I've been celibate.  I mean, for years solid.  Decades actually, but large sections of many years at a time at an adult and it wasn't my choice to be raped at all. 

I had always planned to wait until marriage so this is to say, I wasn't worried I had anything.

So my doctor said I could get pregnant again if I want.

I told her I'd been interested in surrogacy since 2009 and I went to a fertility clinic in Nashville in 2010. 

I am also interested in freezing my eggs, because I want another child of my own, but I think I may just use a sperm donor because it would be easier.  I wouldn't have a child to be delivered in the U.S. though because I don't trust this country.  And, I don't care to be married as a condition of having a kid but I'm not interested in a relationship either, for purposes of pregnancy.  Basically, I want a sperm donor, and then down the road if someone is interested and it's not contingent on things, I am not opposed to marriage, but I don't appreciate what the U.S. has done in trying to torture and kidnap a child of a single mother to tell me I should be married. 

No, I should not.  I don't have to be married to be a good mother and support my child and give them what they need.  Marriage is a bonus if I liked someone enough, not some sort of package deal of pressure to fit in with society.

I am also not interested in having sex with someone to have a kid, so I'm not preparing for a relationship. I just want a no-strings attached sperm donor who says he never wants the child and has no way of changing his mind. 

And I want my son Oliver returned, because there IS no better mother on this earth for him.

I was writing his name on letters and packages as Oliver Robert Guy Garrett-Avila as a "courtesy" the Avilas, but he's not an Avila, and he's not their child.  Seriously, how dare they try to take him from me when they've had 4 kids of their own.  The only reason they'd latch on to him is because they're making money off of him.  They showed themselves to be like the foster parents that do that kind of thing and some of their family is pedophiles and I am not the only one who knows it, and the U.S. did this to my son.

I did not invest all my time and energy and talent into child after child, and really with almost all my heart (I never let go completely bc I told myself, 'this is not your child so don't get too attached').  Even if I did not allow myself to be 100% heart with a child, to protect myself and as a reality check, you cannot imagine how much the children loved me then with even my few percentage points less.  Because even if they hate me now, for things I've said, or about their parents, I put my time and hand-on playing with them into it.

I would say the ONLY exception out of all the kids were the ones Susanne had, who had lived with her in Hong Kong.  They were older girls and brats enough to try to snub their babysitter for not having a cool car.  They had the most attitude and I bonded the least to them, because of what I was left with when I met them.  That's not to say I didn't try, or that they were not endearing in their own way, but they were the only kids that were jaded to start with and into social appearances of who had money or not.  Imagine.  Only in middle school!  If they sensed that much peer pressure to be rich then, what was it like for them later?!  I think they wanted to be loved, and admired by their babysitters, but the whole "snobbery" thing was off-putting.  I learned one really good thing from them:  how to dry denim jeans.  They had a tall wooden rack in their basement where the laundry was and they took the jeans out of the washer and hung them upside down to dry so the length wasn't stretched by the pull of gravity and they didn't fade.  They were a little stiff, but that went with their personalities.  So I took that from the experience.  How to air dry denim jeans.  That was it.  And I tried a kind of white cheese I had not had before.  And then...well....yeah. That was IT.  That was the family with the Princess Di book on the coffee table and I thought their mother must be obsessed with this celebrity to have a huge book as the only book in the living room.  However, as I say, I detected a kind of sensitivity in the girls, and it was just a lot of materialistic bs in the way of their development (in my opinion).

All of the other kids liked me and expressed this to me.  Usually it was just the parents I sometimes didn't agree with and I wouldn't say anything but I could feel this tension.  The worst balancing act is how to give the kids so much attention and put everything into it, and then to wonder, well if it makes a parent jealous is that good?  How much should I allow the kids to like me?  Maybe I shouldn't be QUITE so devoted and fun, because I don't want to seem like I'm trying to outshine the Mom or Dad.  But then to give the kids less felt like I wasn't doing the 100% job I would for just them.  In general, I gave it a really good go.  I did try to be sensitive to not only the kid's feelings but the parent's.  The only thing that bothered me was when someone tried to load on additional duties without commensurate additional compensation or a raise.  Or, if someone tried to make me into their housekeeper when I specified I was only a nanny.

Of all the things CPS had to say, they had nothing but "disorganized house" and it wasn't even unsanitary or unusual and I had lots of neighbors and people who knew my habits.  It was more like they were trying to avenge parents I had worked for, who had wanted me to be a housekeeper too.

CPS has nothing to do with my son.  It is the Department of State.  And since when does the Department of State begin to use CPS to cover for them, the FBI, and Pentagon?  That's why the shock came down to realizing, "CPS is so corrupt, they are actually guilty firsthand of torture of children themselves."

Don't expect "CPS" to be a "guardian".  CPS is nothing more than a lying doorkeeper and butler for the U.S. Army, corrupt cops, and intelligence.

So anyway, I can have my own kid and I can have a gestational pregnancy for someone else.  No problem. 

I am completely vegan (aside from a rare incidence by accident) and disciplined and the only thing I've added is a drink here and there because it's been medicinal and I am not kidding. I don't mean psychologically.  I mean, it has cleared something around my vocal cords and head a little and I think probably slightly lowers cholesterol.  What I'm drinking is mostly vermouth.

I have to say I love the stuff if I have to say I love something new.  Heaven declared "And there shall be vermouth! at very good prices."  I found out, when I noticed medicinal benefits, that is was used for medicinal reasons originally, not for a "drink".  A little with gin or vodka and my basmati rice was never so good.  Has anyone noticed how vermouth and gin or vodka are a great aperitif to basmati?  I had plain white basmati with a little garlic, salt, and fresh lemon squeezed and I thought it was divine.  I'm not really into becoming a wino.  Or an alcoholic.  So I like this drink for now and then and note how it also purifies and cleanses the system, and I will continue my search for someone who wants an MD approved surrogate and then I would quit altogether in prep for hormone treatment and implantation.  At least 2 months, but by that time, I've found the people and negotiated the contract.

Since I tried surrogacy sites and not much luck, maybe because of being independent, or older (shouldn't matter for surrogacy), or oddly "vegan" or because of  other reasons, oh yeah, torture!  I might just get pregnant myself first and then do a surrogacy.

I will not let a child of mine be raised in this country.  The ONLY reason I'm here is because of entrapment with my Mom and Dad (as I have known them to be).  If I'm an orphan and my real parents, one or two, are dead, and regardless if they're not, I have known my Mom and Dad to be my Mom and Dad.  I think they are also hostages, in a different way than I am.  So I don't feel like I can go somewhere when the U.S. shows me they're tortured or cut up.

I can't work in the U.S.  I have tried going to college at OSU and it's not that I'm not as smart or I'm disabled or I'm older.  I am being tortured.  I have been paying the federal government money to go to college while they torture me and charge me interest for it.

This country is ruining my GPA for only one reason and it's to keep me out of grad school.  They tortured me out of being a surrogate just to keep me out of money, from a reasonable amount that I would receive doing this.

The FBI is involved with this.  I had a 3.6 GPA at 20 hr work weeks in college, 2 lawsuits, and PT work and the U.S. has been drugging me

and torturing me while I'm in college,

to have my GPA drop and

to deliberately cause emotional distress.

I wanted to separate-out and distinguish each line there because of the magnitude of crimes committed by the U.S. 

Why are those responsible not being actively hunted down and assassinated?

I'm able to support my own son with work but this God-damned country has forced me out of work so that I can't sue them.  That's all they care about.  The U.S. doesn't follow any of their laws and rules--they torture citizens for their legal defense these days.

That is not a democracy and any world leader who still believes the U.S. is a democracy isn't getting their mail or reading it.

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