Well here we go with the play by play on the elephants on PBS. I am sad I missed most of it, I think. It looks like it's all about elephants. Interesting to learn that a female elephant, the matriarch, can remember up to 200 different elephants.
I did get home, after a long day, and determined to watch some t.v. so I ended up seeing 2 1/2 men and was starting on American Idol but it made me sad because I watched this with my son all the time and he remembers this theme song because he heard it in the womb as well. So I couldn't watch. I switched to the nature station.
I lost the dog for the first time today. It was my fault because I should have her on a leash down closer to the end of our walk, because she just wants to charge ahead. She was so happy today, when I came in and saw her. I sometimes wonder what she's been doing during the day because sometimes she comes back in a really good mood.
She came into my room as I was watching t.v. and laid down at my feet. And she just looked at me for such a long time. I wondered what she was thinking and why she was just looking, looking, at me. She just stared and stared.
I got some things done today but the best energy was when I passed the food line. I got hungry just looking at them and thinking about food and dug a fig newton out of my bag to eat. So I was eating in passing, and this guy joked how dare I eat in front of them and how I had crumbs on my mouth and I cracked up laughing, and said "I know! I know!" I said I would be standing in line with them but didn't have a car and the boxes were too heavy to carry. Anyway, it felt good. I also signed up to give blood since I can't donate to Haiti and I guess the blood could go anywhere, which is fine. I haven't donated blood in awhile.
I went to the Goodwill to look at used books, to see if I found anything I liked for my son. I did, but I chose not to spend money when I don't have it right now and have to buy a few other things. I only got a little bit of money for Christmas and my parents asked why I didn't buy new boots with it. Why would I spend all the money on boots when I have so many other things to buy? I spent more than half of it on my son, gifts for him, and the rest was for essentials.
I faxed my second written request to my former place of employ and this time to the main owner, but just let him know it may have been lost when I sent it the first time. I also went to the Social Security offices to figure out whether I could get some kind of record that way but it sounded like I needed to get a statement from them first. It's been 6 mnths.
Now I'm watching Frontline. I can't remember what this program is about but it said there is graphic imagery so be advised. Oh, it looks like it's about a woman in Iran, or from Iran and then something about viruses in Uganda, new ones, I guess, besides AIDS.
I saw a really weird dog today. It looked like this odd stout but very short German Shepherd and I asked what kind of dog it was and was told "corgi, black lab, and German Shepherd." Have you ever heard of such a thing? The other was a "yorkie". I asked where the other one was, bc I guess there are three, but they didn't know. I couldn't picture a corgi, well, how in the world this dog came about is beyond me.
I ended up talking to this guy today who seemed fine and then I had a bad feeling about everything. He traded bags with someone or gave something to someone at one point, and, I don't know, it was just weird. There were just more switching it up with gang stuff today, and yet this guy was telling me he prayed 4-5 hours a day and then I just realized his motive in talking to me maybe wasn't to just be a nice guy. I didn't know why it was taking so long for my name to be called, so I could get up and go, and he passed over or gave something to a guy with a beige bag. It was like a game. He hadn't been sitting there to just talk and point out scripture (which I thought was odd, bc truly spiritual people usually read scripture in private, and don't necessarily carry a Bible around everywhere.) I don't know. There were touching things said, but I feel someone who is truly spiritual is usually modest about it, unless they are more of the evangelist type I guess. There was another guy too, who was sometimes rude to me in the past or I could tell he didn't like me and he sat there and cracked a few but then left with a little hand symbol which sort of weirded me out. All during this time, I could sense a good energy coming and going. Usually there, but sometimes fading and then coming back. At first I thought it was the guy I was sitting next to, but then I thought it's either someone out in the surrounding area or probably, my son, maybe most likely my son.
I am just skeptical. I don't always know who is really trying to be enouraging and who is putting on pretense to spend more time with you so they get something they want for some reason.
In the last few houses I stayed at, all the men carried with them, and put on display, as things would change, hats and medals and different things that say "Relay". It's been like a relay race, in my opinion, to screw me over. Passing the baton from one to the other to just keep me down and keep me and my son apart. It's like giving me a very small bit, and then, I don't know.
It's just like there is a changing "of the guards" over looks out for my son, or instructs my aunt and uncle about him, and who controls different things. Then the relay part I don't get at all. I am given hardly anything, the bare basics, just to pacify me and yet I go along with all this other stuff that happens, which has been harmful to my getting my son back.
And then I have these different religious persons (maybe or maybe not) telling me it's "God's plan" or the will of God what has happened with my son, when it's not. My son was removed from me by "default" win from the state, when I had no public defender and was told this last minute and then hung up on. After this, it's only been attempts to stall on even giving me or allowing "services" I don't even need, and just stalling the clock and then trying to claim my son isn't bonded to me, when everyone knows he is.
It's been highly illegal, all of it, and yet not one person in the U.S., is really getting in to clean this up. I'm so thankful Haiti is getting their supplies out, but how does the U.S. think we are going to function without government or people coming in to clean up corruption.
Meanwhile, more people watching to see which building I go to and what I choose. I swear to God that the CIA or some branch of military is involved in this. This doesn't just seem like gang betting and gambling on where I go. I feel some kind of psi research IS being, under other auspices. How would anyone know anyway? All a group has to do is say we're going to play this "game" and then start putting people into the game to monitor what is happening. I am monitored and observed over every single thing that I do, from which store I go to, to what I buy, to whom I speak with, to which table I sit at...everything. The thing is, now I'm purposefully going places I wouldn't usually go, or I am changing my course when I know something is expected or might come to mind. I'm switching it up. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to what I do and where I go, because I don't understand what this is about, and I'm trying to mix it up.
The other night, I was sitting next to the fire, just last night, and it was all dark outside and I was just looking out and suddenly a light came on. Then, this plane that had literally been flying in the air, in the dark it seemed, had all its lights on or came into view. It was very strange. It was like this other time I was at a hotel and walked out and looked to the mountains for some reason, where it was all dark. Suddenly, a great light came on and it ended up being a plane taking off. I know, beyond a doubt, that some group has tried to experiment with me and tested me and has me observed and maybe this group also has an interest in not wanting my son to be with me. Instead they just want me around for some kind of guinea pig, and without paying me for it either.
For all I know, thoughts are placed into my own sons mind and our interactions are recorded partly for this experiment. If it's not somehow government sanctioned, some other group decided it was worthwhile enough to examine.
Which is one reason I don't go out very much anymore. I don't feel like giving people something to talk about and I don't feel like being used either. I guess that is, not on a daily basis I don't.
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Oh, very cool, a show from "Independent Lens" on PBS, about "Copyright Criminals" and the line between stealing ideas and borrowing an idea.
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Today I wanted to get some of the books for my son...
The Last of the Mohichans (I think he would be able to follow this chapter book--I looked through it, and yes, I could make it interesting for him)
Animals Showing Off (really beautiful photo book and I might go back and buy that one if it's still there tomorrow, because my son would probably love it)
Dinosaurs
Baby Animals
Dr. Suess
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