Monday, January 16, 2012

Drugged Again

I can also say I've been medicated or drugged again.

My eye is droopy and I have felt worse since I was at the hospital. I am not even sure if all they injected me with was what they said. He showed me the labled bottle for the injection of Demerol but not Ativan and then I had an IV and they put "contrast" in my system for the CT.

I shouldn't have ever allowed an injection for contrast again.

The only thing I've had to eat that wasn't mine was cookies from Christmas, only ones my Mom made, and then I was fine, and then I smelled that horrible chemical smell again so strongly a few nights ago and then last night again, it woke me up before it got worse.

So this morning my face was totally puffy like Dough Boy and then I had something wrong with my eyes but it wasn't that the one was droopy, it was that the other one had more edema and the eyelid was hanging over, making my left eye appear smaller than my right eye. My right eye is the one that has been droopy if I'm drugged.

I eliminated all canned food or products so it's not a form of botulism, to my knowledge, unless it's a hate crime strain of botulism that I'm being fumigated with, and it's not anything out of the ordinary because I quit taking even some things that I had been taking, like bee pollen. And it's not vitamin supplements because I'm not even taking any supplements.

I'm eating whole foods and that's it.

So I was at the hospital 5 days ago and I don't trust any doctor who, out of the blue, makes some random comment about how I should go on mental health SSI when I did not say even ONE thing that could cause anyone to think that. Sure, I write things on my blog, that, taken out of context, might be cause to wonder...

but nothing I said to anyone there was the least bit strange or about govt. or about harm or anything other than, "I had a neck surgery a long time ago and I've been having severe pain that has rapidly increased to the point that I'm unable to sleep at night."

There was zero cause to bring anything psychological of any kind. I cried when I was there. Is it grounds for SSI? that a crying patient is nuts?


Because I don't have to tell them, and they already know they're shits? and that this govt. or certain people IN IT have something to do with my pain?

I guess the only thing, aside from odd (SERIOUSLY) smells of chemical scent, that I've noticed at all, was my salt.

My salt isn't supposed to stick together in clumps because it's Mortons. When it rains it pours!

When it's damp, or humid, the salt still pours.

Well my salt was generally pourable but it had a sort of off-color one day, and then it clumped up into a ball. And I used a lot of salt last night while frying my fish n chips and jalepeno poppers. And falafel. I made all of it.

Pardon, but I was HUNGRY. And I'm not eating meat, dairy, nuts, fruit, sugar (except for 1 small box I had), yeast, gluten and grains (except oatbran and brown rice and I think I have to return some oatmeal), and I can't have potatoes or corn or anything starchy, so um...

FRIED tastes GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodddddddddddddddddddd.

Gimmee suma DAT. (latin for "who says i hate fat")

I need more of that coconut oil.

I meybe neeeed a bery smol lard. You know lard? like mi esposo? um, mi girlfriend? yeah, like that an' its at la tienda by the tortilla. LaAAhhrd. You say lard in englissh? we say oil de la gordita.

anyway. If you want a diet that's impossible to get fat on (I think), vegan is close. I could eat anything vegan, all day long, and still not get fat. I think even if I fried food a lot, you can't get fat.

I lost a lot of weight at first. Not trying to. But I did. That's eating a well-rounded vegan diet, not what I'm doing now, which is a little different.

I mean, maybe if you used a TON of oil and vegetable fat, you could gain weight while vegan, but it's harder.

Vegetarian still adds weight sometimes because of the cheese, dairy, and whatever. At least for me I ate a ton of cheese bc I love cheese and I love milk. I just choose not to right now to give a few cows a break from perpetual nursing.

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