Heart Attack, Japanese Garden, & Tigerbalm & Emu Oil

re. Terri, in fact, I think her boyfriend was possibly..probably NOT...but possibly bumped off, or helped along. I think he got too close to what was going on with me and was curious and someone killed him or caused conditions to worsen a condition that killed him. He died of a heart attack in the house I was in. He showed up after what had happened to me and Terri was upset. Wait. He maybe showed up before.

The last thing I remember him ever saying to me was to go visit The Japanese Gardens. So I walked up there.

I drove up to the Japanese Gardens and looked in but it was all walled and gated but I could see through to this really beautiful japanese maple tree and a little stream with a bridge. And I told someone about it, about my favorite parts of what I could see. And I kept trying to get my parents to go. Then I think I did go in, with admission once. For sure, I looked through the gate, because there were a couple of different frames that I snapshot to my memory which I thought were really beautiful. One was of a maple and a small arched bridge over a stream, (maybe small waterfall?) and the other was of a large tree spilling out over this rock sideways path.

I don't know why he mentioned it except maybe because I liked different kinds of gardens and art. I bought Japanese Woodcut art calendars for myself for years. Since 1994 or so. They made me think of the kind of illustrations I was used to seeing from very old fairytale books. My parents had some, they're all gone now, but the illustrations were all done by wood cut press and they were pretty intricate. So when I saw the Japanese woodcut art, I felt an affinity. It was the same style. The fairytale books (a whole numbered collection) had some colored in woodcuts but almost all of it was just black ink on paper.

I also remember being stalked and followed when I went to the Japanese Gardens but I didn't know why. I didn't know why anyone would want to follow me around but I specifically recall that when I went there, I was not alone.

Whenever my parents came up to visit or I went over, I was always trying to persuade them, "Let's go to the Japanese Gardens!" and they always shook their heads no. Which was surprising, because they had a property formerly owned and planted by a master gardener and we were all into beautiful gardens and scenery. Most of my childhood was hearing my parents comment on how beautiful a piece of land was, while on a "Sunday drive".

For years we used to go to church, and then have lunch and maybe take a nap, and then go on a "drive" and it was always to look at countryside and beautiful scenery. Even as a kid, I liked scenery and I never dreaded going on a drive. I was able to appreciate art in nature.

But yeah, he got a heart attack after telling me to go to The Japanese Gardens.

I had commented on this bridge I liked, and a cherry tree. They said I should come back in the Fall when the leaves were turning and I think I did.

The guy that died, his name was Mike.

I think I was still working for Lorraine Rose at the time. I think it was maybe before I was raped. I believe I was raped after I went to the Japanese Gardens, now that I think about it. I was there first in the spring, when the cherry blossoms and spring flowers were out and someone said the best blossoming was already over, but the leaves would be pretty in the fall and come back. So that was Spring and I was raped in Summer. And then I think? Mike had his heart attack in Fall.

I just looked up cherry blossom season in Portland, Oregon and it says end of March into April.

I almost think I never went. I only looked through the gates and remembered and wanted my family to go. But I don't think I paid admission to go, I just went there and was followed there and then told everyone what I thought, from what I could see.

I remember too, that someone once wanted to say I had never been to the Japanese Gardens and I had wondered what the big deal was, and so what if I was or wasn't and what point was being made? I went there, because Mike, Terri's boyfriend, suggested it. They had both gone there together so then they told me about it.

I don't remember if it was that first time I went to look or the next time I went, but one of the times I had a bad feeling that someone not very good was following me or around me. It wasn't the place, there was something going on. Murder on tip-toes.

It was the Portland Japanese Garden, not the Cherry Blossom Park. It was the gated one for which you pay admission, and I did go to the door at one point and take flyers or something I think. I remember talking to people there. I think it was $10 for admission. At that time, I believe it was $10.

Which doesn't sound like a lot, but after I had given almost all of my money away and was getting ready to go to college, I was broke and it would have been a luxury. But I probably should have gone and paid for my whole family somehow.

There was also a Chinese section of Portland and they didn't have a garden at the time, but that's where I found their miraculous tigerbalm in 1996. It was maybe early 1997, but I know I found it after I had my first migraine at the DelBalzos and was getting them sometimes. I went "to China" and I had never read about any Chinese medicine in my entire life and I was in this store looking around at all these foreign ointments and ingredients and things and I saw this tiny little pot of balm with a tiger face on it. I have NO clue how in the world I knew to get this or try it, but I did, and it was the cheapest and best spent money of my life.

It cleared up headaches fast. I mean, I had technology triggered headaches and the only thing I could use was severe accupressure trying to block off vasal nerves and blood from expanding. And I had filled my house with lavender and peppermint in St. Johns all through 1996-1997, but when I found Tiger Balm, I thought, this stuff is GREAT and I kept it in my purse at all times. It helped with pain somehow. It didn't cure my headache, but it helped more with pain than anything else that wasn't narcotic. I highly recommend tiger balm and I should get some more of that stuff bc I've been without for awhile. You rub it on your temples and neck, wherever there is pain. I used to put it close to my eye too, not on it, but because there was a nerve there. It also helped with a sense of nausea.

The next little pot of something I discovered, which wasn't like tiger balm by any means, but which (pat,pat myself on the back) shows how frugal I can be, and still have quality things to provide my family with is...

Heel repair.

I found it at RiteAid and the patent is pending. It was in the section for athlete's foot remedies and things and I looked at the ingredients and there isn't anything harmful--it's mainly emu oil.

DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE EMU OIL is? Just go to your health food store. Ooh, I guess thinking about it, now that I'm a vegan, I don't know where or how they get this oil, so if you're vegan, maybe pass.

I found it in Nashville, TN at the RiteAid.

It was a little more than $1.

It's called "Cracked Heel skin softener" (with penetrating emu oil), O.5 oz. It's made of (in this order): emu oil, lecithin, glycine, soja, lanolin, beeswax, papain (papaya), bha, bht, fragrance.
Distributed by RiteAid, 30 Hunter Lane, Camp Hill, PA 17011. Made in USA.

It was in a bucket, next to a bunch of fungal remedies, Dr. Scholls inserts, and I thought, "perfect for my face!" Actually, I used it as a kind of Burt Bees hand balm, but I also used it on my face combined with Vitamin E at night sometimes. And it's emu oil that people pay a lot of money for.

If you look at the top label, the design is sort of Chinese, yin-yang. You can see it for yourself, which makes me think of the likeness to tigerbalm, and then it has a wave thing with red, blue and white and a yellow circle with a bare foot in the center.

It was under $2 I'm sure.

But that's where you look at one thing and think "How can I make this work 'off-label' or for something else? and save money?"

If I had enough money, and had not been obstructed early, I probably would be an inventor. I also wanted the crystal growing kits and I begged to have a microscope kit with slides and things when I was a kid. I liked Madame Curie. She was sort of a Hero. It was Laura Ingalls Wilder, Madame Curie, Nancy Drew, Helen Keller, Anne of Green Gables, Pepper from the Peppermint Gang...strong independent women who were my role models. They were all sort of moral and conscienteous and probably on the conservative side, but what was true about all of them was a very strong will and independent spirit. I read a lot of Mandie books too (christian series) but I think what you're interested in a kid carries over into adulthood.

Anyway, Chinatown was mysterious. I always got my guitar strings in Chinatown. I found my tigerbalm there too. I still sort of barely remember the woman who was there, she was older and Chinese, when I got my tiger balm and I do remember a few Chinese and other men (white) around and sort of watching me at the time.

I started to recognize being watched or feeling followed but I didn't have any idea why. I remember white men smiling at me the day I bought tigerbalm. It was a hot day. The sun was bright that day. When it was cold in Chinatown, it was very cold because the wind whipped through that way and there was a lot of concrete. When it was hot it was hot and when it was cold, it was the wind that made it so cold.

I noticed good and bad energy sometimes when I was there. Some of the people following me were good and decent and others were bad with poor motives. There were white men, even, who seemed jealous of me, or mad about something or jealous on behalf of someone. Why would they be jealous of me when they're men? It must have been that they were jealous on account of another woman. And what could possibly be so alarming for me to have been buying tigerbalm and guitar strings in Chinatown?

I guess some group already hated my guts, because the only reason I bought tigerbalm was to help with this new onset of migraine, which I have since discovered was deliberately triggered by use of military technology.

I believe I put my tigerbalm into a little purse I carried that was embroidered on the outside with a tapestry design with flowers.

Hey! Just think! I could have gone to the Japanese Garden and been accused of being a spy against Japan just like I went to the Mt. Angel Abbey and was accused of being a spy against the Holy See! Whew! Glad I missed that one. Just for going someplace someone else recommended I go, and being curious and innocent about the place.

My migraines were triggered earlier than the Abbey though. It still could have been catholic animosity because the Bechtolds and other catholics hated me for saying I wouldn't date a non-Protestant.

So it's been a Jewish and Catholic gang-bang ever since, and use of military to torture too. What a great life.

It's like Snow White meets The Jealous Queen and it's not her mother either.

I look back and remember, for someone who had only had one plane ride (to Jersey and back) in her entire life, I had a lot of culture and appreciated what other countries had to offer. I had exotic Eastern Indian spices from World Market, stuff like ajwan, "curry" was not exotic. I had semolina cakes with rose water syrup reminiscent of the Middle East, I made thai food, chinese, mexican, and italian food, I had oriental rugs in my house and bead curtains made of nut shells from pakistan I think, and my decorating was a cross between victorian english and modern elle (used that decorating mag back in the early 90s), and I visited the japanese baptist church, sitting through with headphones rather than go to a plain english church. I had a prayer list of all the countries in the world. It's still written on the inside of one of my diaries and I had more than one list. I went through the entire list of countries and used to pray for all of them.

Not only is it my inherent right to have my own son, it is a criminal act that stole him from me and has led to our torture. And I do believe it's jealousy. What kind of "research" did anyone have in mind back in 1996? nothing. All of this aim to keep me oppressed has been to make some other group feel better about themselves and get ahead. And since I now know and understand about prophecies and things, I am sure there was a prophecy that some groups have worked hard at to counter. People who are honest and are very good, so gifted, they are feared because many things they predict do come true. Herod heard all the seers or just one make a claim there would be someone from Nazareth, and he was so disturbed at the idea that he had anyone who slightly beared a resemblance or could potentially fit the bill, killed. He didn't take any chances. They believed in prophecies to the extent that they were willing to kill mass groups ahead of time, just to try to prevent it. I never had anything big planned for my life--just the ordinary but I had wide interests. What I know, is that if someone is worried, they bring out false prophets and they begin to destroy any possibility of something coming to pass.

I highly doubt it has anything to do with "getting to another man" or "getting to someone". It has had much more to do with quashing a prophecy. If they can then jeer at the man or feel triumphant, that's secondary to the motive of quashing a prophecy or future of someone they fear.

And when I think about what has been done to me, the only possible motive for hate crimes to this degree is jealousy. There is no other reason for it. They were torturing me before I even filed lawsuits, so that's jealousy. I had everything going for me. And why would anyone be jealous and try to push me down unless their motive was to promote and highlight someone else in my place?

It's hard to "shine" when someone is standing in the way and you're in the shadow because their light is shining brighter.

The only way to promote and defeat a person that is feared will usurp some kind of machination and goal, is to use torture and defamation. To try to marry them off early to someone they don't care about. To try to keep them out of college and from having any education. To have them raped. To keep their talents obscured so no one of any power takes notice if they want that notice to go to someone else.

How could all of these things done to me have anything to do with "getting to" a man, whether it's my Dad or anyone else. The primary motive is not getting to someone, it's keeping me down.

Which they did.

10 years of it, and more. And they're still not done because my neck and teeth hurt because of technology, not natural pain, and that's today.

This country thinks they can take me down, and throw me into a gang-bang which they refuse to investigate, ruin my life and my son's life, and then they want me to stick around for the periodic blood draws.

Prophecies can be defeated. Sometimes, prophecies go through, but other times, if enough money and power backs it, people can destroy the outcome. Dollar for dollar, as Reader's Digest might say. How does a prophecy get fulfilled if someone is on false arrest? Let's say someone knows ahead of time that I am going to file for a restraining order against someone. They know it will happen, unless they arrest the person on false arrest or do something dirty first. In the natural course, the prophecy may have come true, but I think when people use crime to try to thwart it, they can change this. They throw people in jail to keep them from coming to power. They try to distract geniouses from invention by telling them to settle down and have a nice family.

But it's sort of like black magic, because once you start committing crimes to thwart a good prophecy, you've gone to black magic, trickery, and basically, the dark side, and eventually, something is going to start kicking out. Something might, you never know, backfire.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything will get better for me. But it might mean things could get very bad for those who conspired against me or against a natural course of life.