Hospital Hell

I am in another U.S.A. hospital, and I've decided, this must be what hell is really like.

Where I'm at right now, is pure hell, in every way. My computer will pick up any page except music pages which are suddenly unavailable to me.

I am so sick of U.S. everything. I had a couple of decent doctors here at first, and then it all unravelled, with stupidity rearing its ugly head again, and my boyfriend backing up the medical people instead of his fiancee.

I was upset, rightly, about some things, and told him and he misunderstands everything I say, and interprets it to be something different. Yet I'm starting to wonder how much is really misinterpretation and how much is show.

I have radiologists telling me I need a surgery because of obvious retained products of conception. My stomach is in awful pain as well. And yet everything goes down the drain, because ONCE AGAIN, the medical professionals think they know more than I do, and that it must be wrong to listen to a patient.

I'm totally fed up with my boyfriend besides, who doesn't make any sense at all. One minute he's more than happy to have sex with me, after watching me smoke marijuana, and the next minute, he is eager to comply with all federal and state laws regarding weed, and tries to keep me from getting any. When I finally got some, knowing I was going to be in horrible shape if I didn't, for the next migraine, he asks me, once again, where I got it.

I'm not fucking telling the "Colombian" where I "got it". Either he's faking a clean rap and "just say no" approach to drugs, or he's closer to the American DEA and FBI than I am, as an American. I'm starting to wonder if this whole thing is a set up, to get him to the states legally, as soon as possible, because he's singing "tengo una camisa negra" and happy with the idea of leaving Colombia for the U.S. I asked him what he did in Colombia before coming over here and he said he worked for the FBI and DEA. I laughed, but maybe it's not a joke. Then again, nice hypocrisy with the sex-with-weed thing.

Also, I got a Percocet prescription and he acts like it's some kind of cocaine and makes a huge deal about it, not wanting to give me more than one, and holding the bottle away from me like he's doling them out. Totally weird, and he's worse than my mom. I'm in the hospital and I am in severe pain and he tries to tell me "NO!" when I tell him "what's wrong" and that I'm suffering and the light dialudid isn't working.

I get a nice fat lie from one of the nurses, who gave me the first dose, and she lies and tells me the second dose is actually TWICE as much, and she doesn't know why I'm feeling more pain afterall. The bitch is trying to get me to doubt myself and my pain levels, and I didn't know she was lying, but just said, "well that's strange, and I don't know why, but my pain is far worse now." Then I looked at the medical records and it shows the amount was exactly the same-- 1 mg. and that's hardly a "lot". She just lied to me, and it was unnecessary.

Then, my boyfriend sits looking over my shoulder at all my medical records and charts, absorbed, saying it will be important for "Wenatchee", what they write, and he's reading the stuff like he has no problem with English or at least medical records. I come out of the bathroom, and after telling a woman NO, I was NOT signing up for Medicaid, my boyfriend is taking her card, and talking about the insurance.

SHE came into the room RIGHT AFTER I posted my blog about making "Dabney" pay for medical costs. Suddenly, voila! enter woman with Medicaid papers to the sound of the bell. Nice. So I tell her I don't want to sign anything because I don't know where I'll be living and also, that I'm going to have the bills covered by someone else, and they just go on talking about my business like I'm not even there. I asked her to leave and then my boyfriend got up and yelled at ME, and went OFF, like I was the one who did something wrong. Then he just left.

Next thing I know, I have another idiot doctor coming in, telling me I don't need any surgery, when she admits, right after, that she has NOT EVEN SEEN the radiology records which everyone and every other doctor has said shows retained product, and my boyfriend is outside of the room, talking with her about ME. Out of my hearing. I told a nurse I was not okay with that. Not to mention, my boyfriend comes in, after talking to her outside the curtain, and announces, "She told me you don't need a surgery!" I looked at him. "Who told you?" He says, "The doctor." Nice. So when she comes in after talking to him outside of the room, and he sits down in an easy chair, I tell her I just wanted her to respect the rules of HIPPA. She stuttered and said did I want restrictions placed, and I said, no, she knew that was unnecessary, that it was enough for her to obey the HIPPA laws.

She said what did I mean, and that she wasn't talking about my care with my boyfriend, and I said I had been told she was. I said, "My boyfriend told me you told him I didn't need surgery." She said, "I didn't tell him that." I said, "Yes you did, and he said you did, right behind the curtain"--I looked over at my boyfriend for SUPPORT and AFFIRMATION of the truth, and he looks into HER eyes instead of mine and shakes his head no slowly, and says, "I don't know, I don't remember." He totally lied for her and didn't back me up. So she looks relieved that he lied for her and I'm just sitting there, in pain, and asking for very basic respect and I can't even get that.

Not even from a FUCKING BOYFRIEND, who, if he's going to fuck someone else, could at least back me up in a corner.

He's beginning to come across as a "yes" man, to whomever he thinks will benefit him most. Then when I try to explain why this is upsetting to me, he flares up and goes off, interrupting me and waving his hands dramatically, claiming I'M the problem and what is my problem. He doesn't even bother to listen when I try to explain what might possibly be understood by cultural barriers and discussion.

As for the doctor, she was really nice. She seems like a nice person, but maybe not the best doctor. Because while she has a personality A+, she doesn't make any logical sense and doesn't listen to me and had pre-made assumptions.

I sat on the bed for almost 4 hours, in tears, because the pain was not being treated adequately. Then, after promising to treat my pain after a painful examination, internal, and getting swabbed for the 40TH FUCKING TIME, she changes her mind and says she's going to give me Toradol. 30 mgs Toradol and for all the fucking Ibuprofen and Toradol I've received in the last 10 years of my life, I will be surprised to have any fucking kidneys left at all. But THESE people are supposed to be the experts.

Finally, after I start posting my blog from the hospital, after waiting for hours, a nurse suddenly shows up. Nice. These people cannot manage personal accountability, they have to feel like someone might be watching over their shoulders. I guess the main doctor sent her over, the one who refused to treat my pain and who promised to do so after the examination and the same one who decided I didn't need a surgery when she hadn't even reviewed all the records.

So let's get to that. The doctor is very nice, like I said, no attitude at all, and casual and someone anyone would like to have for a friend. But then I'm trying to tell her about my pain levels and about the discharge and all this stuff, and I hit a wall. She just decides, after an exam, that "there are no retained products" and she tries to CONVINCE me, by telling me the horomone levels are at zero, that this means there is nothing left. Which everyone and their grandma knows is not true, if they know the slightest about miscarriage. One can have retained products and have the HCG down to zero. So then she says she wants to rule out infections, and she's telling me my stomach pain is not that bad when I know it IS when 2 Percocet plus 4 Advil at a time don't help much.

So she tells my boyfriend I don't need a surgery, but didn't tell me that. What she told me was that I probably didn't need one, but she'd check some of the radiology reports, after I ASKED her if she'd viewed the recent sonogram records.

She basically said I didn't need surgery when she didn't even LOOK at the hard evidence, the sonogram records.

I just feel this is too much. How much do I have to take? I cannot believe the way some of these doctors practice and think because it does NOT make sense. But, of course, then I get yelled at by my boyfriend for questioning HER.

When I was first admitted, I was given a stack of my records which had been generated by this hospital. The nurse was allowing me to look at them, I thought, and left them on my lap and told me they were my records and I could look at them. Next thing I know they're gone and I asked to see them again. So they're in a binder by this time and I'm starting to get into the good stuff, and then a nurse comes in to tear them out of my hands. I held on. I said, "what are you doing?" and she said, "You can't look at those now, the doctor said you have to give them back." I said, "Yes I CAN look at them, they're MY records." She kept tugging and I held on and I looked at her and said calmly and firmly, "No. I'm not giving these to you. These are my records and I have a right to look at them. If someone wants them back, they can come here and ask me personally." So then someone said okay, as long as I was "supervised". I said what for and they said it was to prevent people from pulling out medical records and charts. So as I have only 5 minutes with my records, I noticed two things: 1. I was lied to by the nurse who said I was given a "double dose" of diauldid when I wasn't, and 2. The HCG check was done through a urine sample, not serum, and serum is necessary to rule out ectopic or early pregnancy.

I was told I'd get to see my records "right away", after the doctor was finished, but no one has been "finished" with them ever since. I have been asking to view my records for hours, since about 9 a.m. this morning.

When my boyfriend took off, in a huff about how I had supposedly treated the doctor when I asked her to respect HIPPA, I was then not given the medication I was supposed to receive and then I only got a little Toradol and had to wait another hour until I had the diauldid and percocet. I am on this right now and it barely touches the pain. Well, it's definitely better NOW, but I can actually still feel stomach pain. What would probably help would be 2 mg. because I'm having really bad contractions or cramps.

I'm fucking sick of this. I would not even be surprised if I've been having CONTRACTIONS to expel this stuff, and not just "cramps". The doctor thinks I'm still having them, and if so, this has been a bloody 2 months of fucking LABOR and I don't think ANYONE should be fucking arguing with me over my pain and whether I might get addicted or not when I've not even BEEN on anything except the kidney-killers.

I want to see my fucking medical records. I'd like to know what healthcare is like in other parts of the world, like Sweden.

You know, I even smelled marijuana on his breath, my boyfriend's breath, one night, when he was telling me he didn't have any. He kept telling me he'd call this one friend or that other friend, and "tomorrow" which never came for 3 weeks. He knows about my migraine history too. I don't call this "caring"--I call it dangerous because without it I would just end up in ER.

I don't trust him, regarding my health issues, I've decided. I don't trust him with other women and to be honest, and I don't trust him with my healthcare when he was first telling me in our relationship not to get my horomone levels checked (I think he thought in general, not HCG), and not to go to ER when I was in pain, and then holds a pill out from me like it's a dead mouse. In the beginning he had no problem with these things, and he had a printer/office fax and a new computer laptop and then he returned all these things after I moved in, which seems odd. I was being asked what kind of car I'd like to drive, in those days...a minicooper? someone asked. Now it's just weird.

I trust him in general, as a friend, and as a helper or partner, and I like having him around when I'm at the hospital or clinic for company most of the time--but I don't think I want him involved in my medical care or information or records.

I am seriously questioning who sent him and for what reason.

I don't want him to have any say in my healthcare, or access to my records or information, and I wonder how I can keep that out of the mix if we're married.