don't know what's going on...

but i think i'm really in love.
this is a once in a lifetime
sweet, and magical thing
want to pinch butterfly wings together
to see what it looks like
when it's not flitting so fast
i don't know what it looks like
really, because it moves so fast
in a whirl, and i'm dizzy from trying
to figure out where it's going
ahead of time

i knew, i knew i loved you from
the first
i didn't know i could
hate so much, worry so much, cry
and bear so much
robin had a message for me
speaking to me at my window
lately i've not heard much
typing away at the computer
silence over conversation
am i missing something
i wonder
be for me my arms
need hands and holding
need arms and healing
thank you for the little things
i hate you that i am alone
what you did to me
pinning me, having a look,
tearing my wings
after you superglued me
to your scrapbook
888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

I still cannot sleep. tired. feel much better now the pain is resolved for now. bearable now. this isn't an image and neither was the last one, the last one was jsut a rambling sort of poem. i have more ideas right now, things that want to spring forth but i'm actually tired and I realized of all things, my arm is hurting because we forgot to take off the armband. oh, i met another nice nurse, by the name of oppah or something, from zimbabawe. We talked about the area for awhile and i told her about the boy I used to write to in zambia and how I'd wanted to visit him and looked into tickets and everything but then had so many problems of my own, couldn't keep up. but i still want to see him someday. and the other nurses are from ghana and ...? i forgot! but we all talked for awhile about africa and the culture and how it's so different. oh! and I met a guy from nigeria, and having this impression they're all ferocious, i was surprised by how sweet this guy was. I asked where he was from and he didn't want to say it. I said, oh, that's okay, i know you're all not bad! ;) and told him I was assaulted by a nigerian but i liked him and had a good feeling about him.

as for feelings and vibes, i have to say, in the last few days i've not had the bad vibe even ONCE. well, a bad vibe with the "julia" i mentioned, who i saw here, who isn't what she appears to be. and good vibes about different employees here, for sure. k

i got very emotional and depressed that one day, and I even cried hysterically, sobbing and then wanting to jump on everyone about everything, but then following this, my mood improved. i think my mood was just my mood and not a "vibe". but in the last few days, i've not had any danger feeling or vibe and while disappointed at what my boyfriend is up to, and why he has to lie to me, i don't have the bad vibes. maybe i did on the day i was depressed and didn't know it, i don't know. in the last few days though, i've not noticed.

yeah, i can still feel pain. In my back it's hurting and my stomach hurts. i think the stuff is already wearing off unfortunately. I was hurting so bad before this, that I was about to dive into my bag to take 800 mgs advil but i remembered i'm on toradol already so it won't help and would be damaging.
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