images

it was bright red in secondary school
just as the shoes were converse all the time
we were either going to kill eachother
or marry said the pe teacher
something is familiar but i don't know
deja, very, very, deja vu
always going for the big boobs
someone was taking me in
when i was unfit
nooooooo way
no way
there is no way
why is that old photo from graduation
black and white when i can only see gray
i am going crazy at last? am i fucking losing it?
seeing stars, seeing something
from a "W" magazine
blinking, blinking, hallucinating?
i had solved half of the mystery a few days ago
it came to mind before
this similarity
but i thought no
even this ritmo del mar seems
i'm not dropping the bomb
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i think i've almost officially lost it. this last poem isn't even a poem at all. i think i'm dazed. i just made the craziest discovery and had to go to the bathroom upon hearing "forever young".

this is another totally, completely, out-of-mind crazy day. i didn't know everything until today.

i even saw the same fucking insects in the bathroom at home as this other place, and this is just really really weird and i cannot even say why publicly.

i think i'm in a movie.

i'll bet everyone thought i knew with my cyrano poem. i only knew half of it. now i'm wondering what the hell kind of dream or nightmare i'm in the middle of. i am listening to danca nua feeling like i'm in the middle of a carnival ride.
i swear to god, if there was ever a time i thought i might be going nuts, it would be tonight, but instead, it's all coming together, but this is still totally totally nuts. wow. i am nothing but impressed...very, very, impressed. he is very good. not saying anything else.

this is crazy, crazy, crazy. okay, let's just say i'm crazy, crazy, crazy. i have many secrets, and some were locked within my own mind.

how strange the ability to vibe. i'm newly religious or newly ...? shit. and it was "nothing but the blood of jesus" that did it. i kept wondering.

thinking and going ahead with life as is. i know it will be a long time and that's okay.

how the hell am i supposed to even think straight? i cannot think at all. i think i need a STRONG drink tonight.

i can see necessity and then i see the hell with necessity, this is crazy unusual and scary to lose to danger or anything else. not fair at all mi mundo. not fair. r in orange makes me feel like crying.

always into music. i have to stop writing now or make up better, more abstract images. i still wonder if i'm losing it. i seriously question my state of mind right now.

i think i have enough to write about to last me for a few years or more. i told my boyfriend, "cuando nosotros arrives a wenatchee, quiero escribes pero sin electricidad." his eyes widened and he said, "without electricity? you are telling me there is no electricity in wenatchee? or you don't want electricity?" i said, "no electricidad cuando yo escribes porque es possible por persones mirar que yo escribes." he kept saying, in broken english, "what is this place?! there is no electricity? we have to get our water from the river? we have no light? what do you mean no electricity?" i told him, or tried to tell him, i wanted to write on a typewriter without electricity, like, a non-electric typewriter but he just heard me trying to describe this in spanish, and heard i wanted to write on a typewriter in the dark or something.

i am trying to trust what i think i know now. i don't really know what to do. about anything and everything. just listening to music and thinking a lot, or trying to think. so much for getting things done today.

i was feeling very up and now i'm a little down. not like manic-depressive up and down, just shifting...such as, where do i meet with this? will someone come to me with directions or no. i think i'm alone, to do my own thing but i have a knowledge, and wish i could, but can't. i think this is absolutely crazy.

i need to get my son. and just go. i think i'll write other images tonight and then work on other stuff. feel something definitely changed or left or shifted about 10-20 minutes ago.
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jack in the beanstalk
can't make me talk
stealing pies to take to the sky above
love downed
divine and drowned
making a martyr of me
just wanted a hot bath
and three little birds
singing outside mi ventana
please pass the peas
jack
fat lady sings after dieting
en lettucini y raddicio
so hungry, taking a card from the deck
when i don't play
all cards down
the entire deck down
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mint green, chartreuse, purple flowers
with a center of bright orange
strewn across the table for cutting
long handled scissors and a tray
hair in a ponytail at the nape
thinking of nothing but the beetles
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concert of hands
fingers of a comb, of a rake, of a field of flowers
do i not care for you more than these
lady of the lake? with the breeze
rippling the hair on your arms
as you rustle the feathers
of the birds thirsting
i see the vote and the angels made their choice
plumbing the depths to find
so many appendages raised to heaven for their
turn at a band-aid
finding your wounds lovely and the gash striking
a chord
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i don't feel the sadness or bad vibe anymore. it left about 20 minutes ago. really, really, really like the cock robin song about "when your heart is weak, i'm gonna pick the lock..." or whatever. it's beautiful. i think i like most of the songs by the pop gun too. they're pretty good.
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