Pissed

I had no problems with any of the nurses until tonight, when I get this guy who comes on and I don't think English is his first language and that is NO problem unless it causes problems and he didn't understand a single thing I said.

Tonight is the only time I had any problem with anyone and I had a problem with this guy and then his friend who said she was calling a head nurse but never did. I had to call the operator and reach her myself and after I explained the situation, she decided to just give me a different nurse. I think he was from the Caribbean or something I don't know. I won't go into the whole story but it was strange.

Then my "boyfriend" tells me not to be upset with this guy, whom the nurse knows I should be upset by. The head nurse that is. He was saying a bunch of nonsense to me.

Then, my "boyfriend" wanted to leave early to sleep at his house, he said. He was planning to leave. Later this night I was going to give him the MMPI in spanish and he was right here. I was going to call a doctor and couldn't get through with the regular phone so I looked at my boyfriend and asked to use his phone. He had an odd response, like he didn't want to give it to me to use. I asked if something was wrong and he said who did I want to call? I thought it was strange since he doesn't usually ask this before handing me the phone. So then he acted nervous and stood by while I called. I wondered why. I asked him if he'd get me a glass of juice. He didn't budge. He didn't want to move away from his phone.

So at that point, I wondered why. I clicked on some things and while I had not previously looked at texted messages or previous contacts for phone calls, I decided to do this. I found:

1. 3 calls placed to "Nadia" this evening, about the time he wanted to leave to sleep in his own bed,
2. A text from a "Nadia", to him, addressing him as "mi vida".

He has answered calls from me, or called me, addressing ME as "mi vida." "My life".

He wanted his phone back and was so defensive and nervous about it I just tossed it towards him and said, "what's the problem? why are you acting so nervioso?" Then he tried to play it off. First he'd not wanted me to use his phone, claiming batteries were low. Then he wanted it back desperately but tried to resume nonchalance. He sat down.

I asked him, "Quien es 'Nadia'?" He looked at me and said "what?" and I repeated it, looking him in the eye. He got the hard look on his face again. He said, defensively, "How do you know this name?" I said nothing. He said, "You looked at my phone?" I looked at him and said, "Yes." So then he started to go off, saying HE didn't look at MY phone, or computer, or other things (b.s.) and I said, "Porque tu eres muy defensivo? y nervioso?" He stopped and looked at me. I said, not looking at him, but looking at the computer instead and getting ready to write:

"Si tu quieres otra informaciones tu pense es importante por mi saber, damame."

He wanted to go shortly after that. It was 11:30 p.m. and I didn't care where he went. No cuddling required para ti, gracias. He gathered his things and said "goodbye" and extended his hand. I gave him my hand without looking at him, with no feeling whatever. He squeezed it and kissed me on the forehead and left. Then he came back, and said what time was my surgery for tomorrow. I said I didn't know, probably 8 or 9 and he said he'd be there for it. I just nodded.

The liar has been caught in more than one way. He is so busted, there is no going back to credibility.

Next?

I don't know why he ever thought he would get away with hiding anything from me. I warned him, he was fairly warned, and I told him there was no need to lie to me, but he does anyway. My instincts are right-on.

He tried to tell me that I didn't like him touching my food, and that, in a similiar fashion, he didn't like my looking at his phone. I also looked at his internet historhy but I didn't confront him about that, not tonight.

The tech came back to tell me my surgery is at an earlier time. She said they just now found out, after my "boyfriend" left. The other thing that's odd is that obviously people are still giving out my medical info to him, because when he came in, he said people told him a group of doctors were coming in tonight or tomorrow morning to decide who was going to do my surgery and at what time. He said did I know what time or who? I said no. Now I'm wondering who gave him the information he had when I've specifically told people to talk to me directly about my healthcare, and no one else.

I guess, in the future, if I go through with this whole thing, I will put restrictions on having relatives, friends, or boyfriend/husbands from receiving information about my medical care. If I choose to have him in my room while a doctor is discussing things, that's one thing. It is different to have people talking with him, out of my hearing and presence, about my medical records and issues.

I wonder what my boyfriend is capable of now. Is he just a cheater and a liar as many husbands and fathers in the U.S. and in the world are? or is there more to his story? Most of the friends are nice and I like a couple of women in particular. I like A. especially, and have a good feeling from her. But I wonder now. I will not be marrying anyone who is not a good addition to my family and for my son.

I will not bring my son around someone I have serious concerns about, so I'm going to have to be watching for other things and signs and details. And if he thinks there is going to be anything with me, he will not get away with thinking it's okay if I just make 'discoveries' now and then. I will not marry him without a full confession and sincere decision to get help for some of his issues.

If he is willing to get help for these things I see, this may go through. But I will not put my son at any risk, even in the form of a broken family or problems, and if this continues, he is basically digging his own way out, intentionally, by trying to raise doubts in my mind and through contradictory actions which go against his word.

I will not be trapped in any bad situation. I will look seriously, at every crack in the foundation and if it can be fixed, fine. If not, ciao. It's pretty much his decision as I have been a woman of my word and have not been instable or inconstant in any way.

I've been honest, and a woman of her word deserves a man of his word. It doesn't have to be true love or soulmates, but where is your fucking respect? Any man who wants to have his cake and eat it too, should never consider marrying me. Marry me as a liar and you marry fire. I am not good wife material, or girlfriend material, for anyone who is a "spy" either...I will blow your cover to smithereens. I am also not good wife material for cheaters, which I suspect typically goes with being either a spy or a moral coward.

I want someone who is going to treat me well, and I will do the same in return. Disrespecting me isn't treating me well. My boyfriend wanted to remind me that he was there for me when no one else was, in the hospital, that he was by my bedside and spending time with me and who else was doing that? Nice. I guess screwing someone behind their back, or making an attempt, is mediated by visitation?