progress?

Bad title. I guess I'm bored but I'm also not thinking very well, and am very sleepy. Pain level is still higher than before and thought I was getting an adjustment for the medication but nothing has happened yet. Read up on Anthrax poisoning, since doxycycline is used to treat this, thought, well, why not.

After writing this, I'm taking a nap. So tired. Eating a little bit. I didn't have breakfast but I tried to have some lunch. For some reason, light Italian food appeals the most right now. Had pasta with cheese & tomato sauce and the cookie was good. Also in the mood for soups. Yesterday there was a really good chicken noodle soup.

I'm too tired to really do anything. I feel bad and sick but at least I'm not as emotional as I was a couple of days ago. I still don't know what's up with the boyfriend. I don't see why he has to leave for work at 4:30 or so and then never can call and has the phone turned off until about 8 or 9. He called today about 8 or 9 and he wasn't even "at work" yet. So why leave at 5 and what was he doing? he can lie very well, but everytime I ask him about another woman, he loses his confidence. I think he's realized I am too good of a lie detector. Still, he denies everything and tries to change the subject.

Last night I asked him to lie down next to me in my hospital bed. To cuddle, not kiss, and that was it. Need affection and human touch I guess. He started to say I was affectionate or something in spanish or that I needed this but I didn't make any comment. Sometimes, I like doing my own thing but with someone around, doing their own thing, and I do like physical touch, I'm just not overly demonstrative in public. In smaller groups, at parties, I'll sit on a lap or throw my arms around my boyfriend, or my legs across his legs, but not in more formal settings.

He said a week or two ago that people probably felt sorry for him, noting how distant I was in public. He said they probably thought it was like this in the bedroom too and were probably shaking their heads saying, "poor ________, poor ________," and at that point we both laughed out loud.

I am writing about my husband to be. I never thought I would, but I guess it's going to be part of my history. I'm figuring things out by writing too. I don't think he minds much because he said on our engagement day that I could begin writing "la historia" of our...romance? Hmmm.

I'm somehow going to have to get medical abatements or something, for all my legal stuff, on account of my health problems in the last several months.