Knowing Who Ones Friends Are

I have been reminded recently, who my friends are and who is out for themselves. I have heard more than once, that in this town, everyone is out for themselves. I don't notice it much until I start thinking about the timing of reactions towards me.

How I have been ignored and alienated from many and then who suddenly pops up to help. I have to question all of the motives. Did someone suddenly find out I'm not crazy or is it that they have an ulterior motive for getting close to me?

If I'm sane enough to be providing intelligence or information to a spy agency, and they think my stuff would be credible, why didn't they help me when I needed it? or validate my claims in some way? or help me get my son back by eliminating the defamation?

I can say I truly know who was willing to help me or try to help when I needed it most.

And then, just the superficiality of appearance. I walk around looking haggard, in plain clothes, and my hair twisted up and no one is much interested. Then I get a hair-cut and put on a new jacket and suddenly I have these men making eyes at me and asking me if I'm a professional model, and they say they're photographers and want to take my photo. ?

And I'm sure if I started driving around in a fucking Mercedes Benz, I'd have even more looks of approval from the mainstream.

But I know, who has been there for me and when, and I am still examining each and every motive of those who now want to be closer to me.

What's in it for them?

If I'm good enough, or credible enough to be a spy, why? what makes an agency think I'm NOT crazy if all these other people have tried to say I am? it makes me question what kind of information they have about what happened to me and what they are not SHARING with me and the public, if anything.

No one came to me, out of the blue, saying they had information to help clear ME and MY NAME and get my son back, but they want me to provide information?

You don't fucking rely on "crazy" people for intelligence, so what the hell is going on?

In some way, something heated up. Someone got worried someone was going to believe me. I have people coming out of the woodwork, NOW. Christa writes into my blog as if nothing has happened, and I have people asking me if I want to be a spy and then others saying they could provide help in other ways, but I watch to see how the words and actions match up.

What did I say to the proposal? Nothing. Because for one thing, even though I have a pretty good idea this is legit, and I have a nose for this sort of thing, I don't know who the turncoats are and who is checking me out for what.

It's dangerous.

At this point, I feel it's dangerous for me to say almost anything. Well, obviously, I'm saying stuff, here, but specifics?

It all comes down to: What are they getting out of this?

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer...Why do some want to get close to me now and what is this really all about?

Also, I keep my eyes out for people who are interested in helping me move toward a goal, and who are not attempting to distract me from it