MRI Results & Puritanical Ideas about "Narcotics"

They took MRI photos of just my spine. I should have asked about my pelvis and stomach but they can do that later.

They said they've nothing to compare it to but that things look "fine" except for my neck injury which has gotten worse I think, but they said it's old and they can't compare it to other graphs, however, I agree it's gotten worse. They wouldn't go in and work on my neck anyway.

My back is hurt, and they said nothing shows on my back except a dried disc at the L5place, where I've said I had an X-ray done in Wenatchee that showed a fractured vertebrae as I remember it, with a disc problem. Suddenly, there's no evidence of a fractured vertebrae anymore, which is odd, and yet he did note the disc. I asked what he meant by "dried" and he said, "Well, it looks like someone microwaved the hell out of your body and the disc which was already ruptured, dried up because it couldn't stay connected to the other liquids in your body and retain moisture."

No, this isn't what he said, but of course it's what I thought, and he just said he didn't know what caused it. I do. A nasty childbirth and then being tortured afterwards with micro or magnetic waves and the U.S. govt. knows this and believes me or they wouldn't have asked me to be a fucking spy and given me a laptop.

I guess the MRI didn't go over to the parts of my lower back or my pelvis at all. He was trying to say the neck wouldn't explain the numbness in my leg or incontinence so I'm thinking if it's not my spine, it's my pelvis pinching something or who knows.

The pain I feel is real, and I still have it from the assault. He said I was having muscle spasms and that he'd give me Flexeril. He went on this long lecture against "narcotics" such as Percocet. He pulled Flexeril out of his hat when this is the main thing Wenatchee was trying to give me and as soon as he walked in something told me he knows people that know me. I think he has some knowledge of my medical records and I asked him how many records they had and how far back and he seemed hesitant to answer. I don't know, I just got this feeling he was from the Pacific NW, knows someone from there, or something. If not, talked to someone. But I will have to find out.

I am going to have to find my own PCP who listens to me and doesn't go on these ridiculous lectures about narcotics. I have had several accidents and surgeries and I was always the one to wean myself off, in a timely manner, when possible. If I fucking say I need Percocet to help me work right now, listen to me. I've tried enough of all the different meds to know what works for me, for what kind of injury, and I've never in my life been addicted. I have had pain in my life and I'm not going to live in a country with so many imbeciles and doctors who are completely ignorant to the benefits of short term use of narcotics (or long term if needed) and marijuana for medical use.

It doesn't even make sense. This guy doesn't give me Percocet, which relieves PAIN and which helped me work when I was trying to waitress after the assault, but he gives me Flexeril, where any tranquilizer or muscle spasm medication is going to totally slow someone down and affect their memory. You don't give a waitress fucking Flexeril for pain to be able to keep standing and walking around all night. You give them something like Percocet and maybe high levels of Advil or Toradol or the steroid pack this woman was talking about. These people, these doctors, don't even take into considerationn the kind of work one is doing. Maybe I could see Flexeril for an office job, where you're sitting all day and can doze off or space out now and then, but not waitressing where you're running around and almost 70% of the whole job is memory dependent. You don't take fucking "slow-me-down" and dull my brain meds.

I'm so very, very, TIRED of running into people who practice medicine who are ignorant to medications even as "pain specialists" and who think someone is making things up if they can't immediately see evidence in front of them.

The other doctor, who is looking over my back, said if I was having pain, maybe I was "depressed". Bullshit. I cried the first day I was in the hospital, and NOT after that, and there was a damn good reason to be crying. Following this, not one nurse saw me cry although I had tears in my eyes before the D&C out of nervousness and wanting this whole thing to be over with.

Not only that, no one has thought I'm depressed, among the Colombians or people I've been hanging out with. A few thought I maybe SHOULD be, but there have been comments made that "No, she is SURE NOT DEPRESSED! She's laughing, and joking, and dancing!" That's what he said the comments have been regarding my mental state. I have things to be depressed over but I'm not clinically depressed by any means. I don't go to extremes either, being high and low, and my boyfriend and his friends know this.

I think the message I wish docotrs got, was that patients who are "seasoned veterans" to multiploe injuries and pain, KNOW what WORKS for them and what they can tolerate. It's wrong to assume anyone asking for narcotics is drug seeking, especially if they've used the medicine in context of having injuries or pain. Someone who didn't have a medical record for trying it would be suspect because how do they know the effects ujless they're getting it off the street?

People are just uneducated about it. Doctors are. They read from a textbook but shape most their ideas about 'narcotics' through society eyes. They don't have personal knowledge or history with the narcotics to know how they are beneficial and understand they are NOT addictive when they used appropriately for pain management. I know most of these doctors are well meaning in their lectures and ideas about painkillers, but they are harming the people they want to help, when they don't understand the mechanics of pain and relief and don't believe in their patients. If a doctor doesn't believe in his patient, he cannot help them.