Surgery Ordered

Okay, good doctor came in. He said we'll try the D&C tomorrow. The antibiotics haven't helped with the pain so it might be something else, just continually or worsening cramping. He said the endometrial lining is still thickened and that it's ragged and appears to have retained products.

There are risks and I'm scared of uncontrolled bleeding, but I don't know what else might solve the pain. He said afterwards, I would have 2 months of lighter periods or one month and then everything to normal.

But I don't expect him to know I do not have "normal" periods at all anymore. One thing about having a husband I guess, is that he will be a constant witness to the fact that I do not have periods anymore and this is not my imagination.

I will have a witness to confirm what I've been saying is true. I can also call on past boyfriends who know this is true, but this way, there will a regular notice that I do not have periods anymore, except for a very light, light bleeding that requires one small pad and that's it. I want to have my horomone levels checked besides.

So this doctor came in and said he was adjusting the pain meds too, because they weren't scheduled recently enough and he said he'd be here all night and would help adjust them to comfort. Finally!

I asked again about a doctor seeing me about my back. No one wants to do anything about it. I begged him to call someone though, to talk to me, because it's my back that has kept me from WORKING and my leg is getting numb and I have incontinence worsening besides. I cannot go back to Wenatchee unable to work and in need of medical care. My medical things need to be stabilized because it is impossible for me to get objective care in Wenatchee or the state of Washington.

Actually, I've just talked to the doctor and nurse and last night the doc thought I might or should have a CT scan ordered of my stomach.

I am thinking maybe it's a good idea, before surgery, to have an even better picture, because I don't know...I have a lot of distention and upset and rumbling in my stomach and this is only the second time it's happened. The first time was when I was first pregnant with the twins and not knowing one was ectopic.

Sometimes I think my boyfriend is some kind of doctor because he's always checking my vitals and some other things like he knows what he's doing. Actually, my last boyfriend (to me at least) was the same way--the father of my babies that died.

I am so glad that...this is a huge tangent but I just thought about it...I haven't been cold since I've been here. Some hositals are so cold and this one isn't and my room has been perfect, and I've not been shivering or chilled once. Really nice. I mean, I am not taking small things for granted.

So I realize I am also particular about small things that I didn't realize annoy me. I was about to cut off the entire marriage after I saw my boyfriend picking fruit out of my fruit bowl and eating it, without asking me first if he could have some. I was pissed. I said, "tu come mi comida pero no preguntami si es okay. Yo dice ti, si tu quieres mi comida, por favor, preguntami. probable no problemo con mi pero no gusta cuando tu no pregunta." I've asked him before to ask me before diving into my food. usually, I offer something to him and it's fine with me to share, but all of a sudden, he just started taking things off my plate with his fork, no notice to me. At the cafe, I'd just got a large cherry and cream cheese pastry and he took the first bite out of it with a fork when I wasn't there and I returned from the bathroom with him munching. I was annoyed. Then, I set my piece of cake aside and he took out a fork and took a huge bite out of it. I looked at him. I said I wasn't finished with the cake. I finally told him it bothered me but it was probably a cultural misunderstanding and I told him it was considered rude in U.S. culture. Probably no big deal in Colombia, espeically with boyfriend/girlfriend, but I didn't like it. SO he said okay but then he went after my fruit salad tonight and was acting nonchalant about it. Just picking out pieces of honeydew melon. I was SOooooooooooo annoyed.

I told him again it bothered me and then he got mad and was going to leave. I said to him, you're going to leave because I remind you about something? it's not possible for me to correct you on anything or say "please just ask me" because you'll just leave if I do? so then he said okay he understood what I was saying and put his things back.

I makes me mad, the eating my food without asking thing, because it's food that's already been prepared for me to eat and I'm usually eating it or about to. It makes me think of my mother too, because she had a fork in everyone's face. She didn't care to ask, she just took, and she did it with my dad and it pissed him off too. I think I'm actually a lot like my Dad.

It's also this feeling of my boyfriend trying to own everything about me. He takes a big bite out of MY food, like he owns it and it's a part of ME, like he has rights to it because he's the lion king or something.

I calmed down but needed some time after that. I told him he could help me with things to work on and I would help him. All I know, is that he says there are very good plastic surgeons and he has family connections to some of them. I think he wouldn't mind if I had surgery, and actually, I wouldn't mind either. I'd do boobs first, then maybe face stuff and waist.

Tonight I'm giving him an MMPI test, the spanish version. I wasn't annoyed after some hours had passed and said why didn't he sleep with me in my bed tonight for awhile. Just to cuddle and the nurses don't care.

I'm still in pain and my meds are not meeting the pain yet. I'm trying to get this across to the docs here. They keep saying 1 mg. Diauldid is a lot for such a "tiny frame" like I'm a midget or a fairy or something. It's not a lot if they only knew how my pain levels and painkillers aren't as effective for me as they are for some people. I hope their anasthesiologist knows this, for putting me under too. Redheads are different, genetically and have a different kind of tolerance to sorts of pain and pain controls.