Not Trapped

Very odd.

I thought I didn't want something, and then I sat down and talked with someone and after I was given another option, I began to reconsider.

I just don't like feeling trapped.

It's not that, I guess, I didn't like the idea of something in particular, or that I didn't care for it, but it was that I only felt trapped.

Now, I am not trapped, and now, I am reconsidering.

I've said too much to someone, but I think once I make up my mind for sure, I will be settled and feel good about my choice.

The minute I think one thing isn't good, possibly, I realize maybe it is the best option afterall, but I'm not sure.

The worst thing is to be pinned up against one option and nothing else. It's between a rock and a hard place and a ball & chain but then, given option #3, suddenly, I am free to make my own choices again.

Which makes me feel like, hmm, how strange, but maybe this other thing isn't bad or a bad idea. So I don't know. I needed some freedom and now I have it.

Now I can sort myself out and feel better about whatever I choose, that it is a good or free choice.

This is all very strange though, because I've received a lot of information all at once.

I'm not sure that I know what I want anymore. I am happy and start to fall for one idea and then I fall for the next. Maybe I want whatever it is I can't have, but I'm starting to think no, I might want my other option again.

Still, I don't know what the hell is going on.

I feel I'm being tested, and jerked around, and pulled in different directions and I don't know if it's all coming from the same source or not.

I am pretty sure, I know what I want. And mostly because I've been confronted with different ideas and I think I know how I feel about things and about someone in particular.

But I had to have some freedom and now I can breathe. Regardless, I just feel 100% better.

Still, this has been one of the weirdest days of my entire life. I cannot even say why but it has been.