Monday, January 2, 2012

what parents can do (clarification)

One of the last times I wrote about what they do, was when I was saying I could tell, even at the movie theater, they expected or anticipated things but I didn't always let on.

One example, of something my Dad knew but probably looked like he didn't, was that when I was walking back from the women's restroom to go back to the theater, my shoelace started flapping noticeably. Like it was untied. I looked down at my foot and at the lace and I was going to bend over to retie my shoe but decided to just keep going to the theater. But it wouldn't have crossed my mind if the lace hadn't been loudly flapping.

So I walked into the theater and there was my Dad sitting up ahead looking down at the lace on his shoe and moving it. Like he was tying it. And I knew that he had known what I was thinking or doing just a few seconds before I came around the corner. Seconds.

However, I thought, since I didn't stop and tie my shoe, maybe it would seem on the outside like he didn't guess correctly but he did. Some things you see and confirm and other things are hard to prove because it's like reading minds. How do you prove that all the time when people's minds are changing and they change their minds last minute or have different ideas going at the same time?

He was inside the movie theater, I was outside on the other wall, seconds away.

So there was this other guy outside of the theater and I don't like to "out" these kinds of guys because I figure it's their thing, but one of those persons who doesn't look like they have a big or important job but have gifts that aren't always detected. I sort of intuited he was gifted like that and he was looking down sort of mirroring what my Dad was doing before I saw my Dad.

And like I said, I never knew about my parents' gifts in this way until I got back to Coquille 5 months ago. I had zero clue and it never crossed my mind my entire life. The only thing I ever thought was that they were pretty smart or could figure out how to do a lot of things. But that's it.

So anyone in the past, who may have thought I knew something or was part of something or should have known or that I was hiding things about myself. Or even that I was being clever and secretive, was wrong. I never had any idea at all. I didn't know why some groups might target me to get to my parents, or worry that I was gifted in the same way.

What I've realized though, is that we've all been exploited and tortured. And I understand why I've had more attention from some than I would expect or why people tried to keep me down or wanted to ruin my son, or even my fertility before I had any children. I feel this is also why some people in this country tried to blackmail my parents into silence and use their gifts against them and me, to keep me from doing anything that would put me on a normal trajectory. It's also why some of these people have been excusing religious hate crime and justifying kidnapping of my son and holding us hostage to force us to work for them.

Here are a few other things...I was writing about the stuffed mushrooms and what they looked like, that my Dad bought that day. I wasn't sure what he'd been predicting and then late that night I decided I needed some beans so I cooked up some of the variety beans and diced a little bit of habanero into it and when they were done cooking, they looked exactly like the stuffing that had been inside the mushrooms my parents ate that night. identical. And I had mushrooms and then separately I cooked up beans with habanero. The mushroom stuffing they had was multicolored with sort of brown, tan, reddish, and orange and it was from bell peppers and saugage and something. It looked like this soft kind of variety thing with shiny little pieces of pepper. My beans turned out brown, tan, reddish and then there were the shiny pieces of habanero pepper. I had put no thought into it at all but when I took the lid off of the saucepan and looked, voila. It was like the stuffing for the mushrooms. Hadn't tried to do that either.

I'm not trying to help them either. I mean, the shoelace thing, the guy who was looking down was close enough to me to hear my shoelace on one shoe flapping loudly and I looked down at it because of. So he saw, though he didn't see inside the theater.

The other thing was that yesterday my Mom gave me a water bottle filled 3/4 full of water. I wondered why that amount and then I went shopping today. I had wanted to go to the healthfood store and that was my plan but when I got there, they were closed. I didn't want to spend a lot of money and mainly needed water right away so I went to Safeway, got a gallon of water, and took it home and poured it into empty water bottles for ease in pouring into my coffee maker or whatever. There were 8 total, and the last one came to 3/4 full if I had the others filled up higher to the top.

My Mom had a jar out, an empty glass jar for jam or canning, for a few days and I made habanero hot sauce for one of the gifts. I told her though, maybe take it out of that plastic thing though because I don't think it should be in plastic (vinegar and habanero, onion, etc) so she took it to the jar she'd had sitting out for a few days and poured it in and I thought the jar looked too big but it filled up to the exact line. I hadn't even thought to make the habanero hot sauce when she set the jar out.

There is a whole lot more than that.

But the thing is, I don't appreciate having the same people that use my parents and torture me and my son, telling them to say I'm mentally ill and allowing others to medicate me or excuse their own criminals.

I'm being tortured and they've been tortured, partly to keep us down because they want to control us. It's not acceptable.

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