Thursday, April 12, 2012

corrections to mistake

I meant to do this yesterday but forgot or put it off, not intentionally though.

1. I wrote that Social Security locally had not called me back and then I found out I had 2 messages from them. I never heard the phone ring and wasn't out much, but she did try to call. Not sure when exactly, but she did. And I still disagree with a certain aspect of things, bc I feel everything should be sworn, and not just "added" later, but at any rate, that's one thing.

I guess that's it. There was sort of something else but I didn't name anyone and it wasn't that big of a deal so it's probably not important to add.

I tried to think of anything else tonight, but nothing is coming to my mind. I mean, yeah, I've written some things that don't sound nice, but nothing I believe or know is untrue and wrong. It is absolutely true I'm still being tortured and this has been going on for years. My parents are as well, and my son I witnessed.

Should I sound so nasty while being tortured? no, but try being tortured for years and then trying to get something done while no criminals seem to go to jail for it...

The other thing was that I thought this one news media person sounded anything but humble and I don't care for him but then I thought, true humility is not pretending to be meek and mild. True humility is just being yourself and not being so proud as to think you either are better or should try to promote an image of yourself as better or even just different than is true. I think there is something to be said for dignity though. No one needs to degrade themself or be undignified to be humble. I think being humble is sort of just being natural.

There are some people I can yell back and forth with and we understand and it fixes and it's no big deal the next day and then I realize others don't bounce back like that and are more sensitive. If I struggle with humility, it's in finding the balance of being me, and allowing myself to be angry and verbal but resolving emotions that way too, and trying to minimize myself or not speak about myself in ways I know might be promoting or will appeal to others. Then the minute you start to do really well with being humble, it always seems the thought at some point eventually crosses your mind, "I am doing a good job being humble. Oh no. Now I know I'm not humble at all because I thought about myself being humble."

That kind of thing. It is most noticeable when you suddenly start trying really hard, bc that's when, I think, dark forces (devil?) want to mess with your efforts and challenge you. Like not thinking about sexual things for whatever reason and then something might not be a big deal for years until something demonic challenges it but usually you can just dismiss that and not be hard on yourself and then it passes on its own naturally.

Sometimes, the more credit you give something, the bigger it gets. Less credit, and looking at it as "this is a passing phase or test" seems to minimize the power that the opposing side wants to latch onto.

I am tired.

I have been tired all day and still tortured and noticed it of my parents. It is a little better than yesterday but not a ton and then I found out all of a sudden my brother's car broke down (who knows why) and then I found out some relative of ours is being threatened with being disowned if he pursues his interest in this woman (which sounds kind of interesting and I have no idea what that's about).

No comments: