different vibe and other impressions, my old apartment

the vibe has been a little better and not so sad but tonight it feels bad again. not terrible, but just off.

i think some are really thinking important things over and that's part of it.

The harassment here is unbelievable but I'm finding more where it's coming from. People from Seattle in again today. One man, dark brown hair, middle age and white, really bad feel. Other stuff too.

I am writing complaint on my own. Not giving up.

Since I tried to reach Iran, things have been a little better with no laptop overheating again, except once or twice briefly.

Impressions tonight of someone doing leg lifts--a man. And then stones. a pile of round smooth stones. and then other things which I don't remember and then, I thought about my son and this man came up who had on a blindfold and he was being torture or it was some kind of bad psychic experiment. I thought it was my son but it may have been someone older. I think someone who thinks about or is connected to my son and this was disconcerting. I don't know if it was experimentation done in a lab setting or if it was something else but they were lying down and had a dark blindfold, not glasses, but a blindfold, around their head. Metal stuff around maybe but not sure. On some kind of bed I guess or just lying down. I think it was a man or young man but it came up when I was thinking about my son.

Also, glad to have support from a couple people after my post about my son being a hostage to the CIA and other. I felt so much peace from writing that post.

It also seems to me that there are a few in the UK who have been trying to cause serious problems. I don't think that many, just powerful. Not about me, but trying to rub something in to others who might care about me.

I just had a sense of there being a lot of sadists about and relishing today, and unfortunately, beyond the surface games, some people being very seriously hurt who are innocent and who should have been left alone.

There is just a bad vibe. It improved, for some reason and then went bad.

Also, I have been wondering what happened to the anglican pastor who was in town because the people said his "politics" didn't agree so they kicked him out?

I also went back to the house today that was condemned and it hasn't been condemned exactly. There is a notice to make changes or it will be. It says "Garbage and unsanitary conditions" or something like that.

I went to my old apartment to look and noticed as I walked up the stairs, how the door to the apartment where my son and I used to play, the keyhole to the other door has turquoise paint under it. Funny how you notice small things you never noticed before. I knocked on the door to my apartment, which was Apt. #4.

I asked if I could look around and she said yes. It didn't look like the place was decaying but I don't know if they ever cleaned out the mold in the bathroom. That's what they were doing when we were kicked out. I looked at the walls and there are stains from mold but it didn't look really bad, but I don't know that much about mold and how it can hide or if someone tried to clean it up.
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I also had a surprising view of someone's thoughts about me for just a moment...proud of me. Why? because I figured the defamation is so bad how could any good opinion for me survive? but some sense of being proud of me. Wish I could have managed better, but the truth is not all out. Only God knows what has been done to me and my son. And how some others have really suffered as well, by proxy. I guess I think God is proud of me despite myself. And I think I've done really well considering, but no one really knows all that has happened to us.

If a few are proud of me, thank you for believing in me somehow, even when I don't show my best side and have had others trying to make me out to be even worse than that.

Tonight I wanted to look up some clips of some things but didn't have time and need to sleep and get things done tomorrow.
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strange things to reflect on though. like a coat. thinking about a coat I had described on the East Coast, saying I wanted a coat and what kind and having no clue that later I would see photos of someone else wearing almost that same coat that I had described. I think someone maybe thought I knew or would find out and it would bother me and I never did and now, I just wonder what the point was. Just to try to upset me? and why would someone think that would? or was I just still picking up on things I didn't know about then?

Just a lot of reflection. On pyschic things, on my son, and other things which look good for others and things they should be proud of too. In sync in some ways still, I see.

But who is my soulmate? i don't know. I care about and love many but some I don't care about in the same way that they care for me and I simply don't know. I think there is a hidden story I may never discover. But maybe someday, with my son with me very soon I hope, I will know.

I don't like how I've reacted to things lately. I let people get to me, as anyone would after this much harassment, drugging, and harassment and threats on my life as well as seeing the trauma with my son and getting nowhere with it. I don't like how I was broken down to be so petty myself about some things. So then I have to sit and ask how I am doing with God and what he thinks and just go day by day and think of the future too. I have not given up on my son. I never would and never will.

With regard to my son and what I have been battling--serious crime and obstruction of justice--I have done a very good job fighting for him. It is hard to think clearly when one is being medicated though, and chased around and forced out of work and housing and having everything stolen. Everything. So does that mean I am a less valuable person? Or does it mean I was really, really, that big of a threat.

I also thought about how I accidentally wrote I was in Idaho already in a legal thing but I meant would be.

I think aside from that mistake, an honest mistake, I've had integrity throughout this whole process. What I cannot believe, is that this has been allowed to go on in the U.S. at all. When people know me and know what I am like.

Oh and by the way, all of my closest friends have been punished for association with me. Someone didn't like the idea of those who support me and my son being "blessed" so they just went after anyone who might be able to help at all.

I have never experienced the weird psychic attack stuff that I've had happen either, with people who claim to use things for good, using it deliberately for bad. I have also never had my eyes opened to how it affects others, some others who get attacked too. I look at some things happen now and I know it's not just chance--I am more attuned to someone being under attack.

Then, sometimes I get a kick out of the psychic stuff and laugh too and think some things are cool and then the next minute I feel like I am living in Bible times where all this weird stuff is going on with idols and trinkets and things being all over the place and people are claiming to have a belief system but they're allowing other things to take priority.

I will try to write my complaint tomorrow and also write funny. I will try to write funny things if I can think of anything.

I guess I felt privileged to have a few people doing things that made me laugh out loud. Like today, I was in the Boy Scout place and asked if I could use a phone and he hands me the cell and I was in tears and then I see this playboy pin up on the opener. And I was standing in the Boy Scout place and I just started laughing. Other things were not so funny.

It doesn't matter who the father of my son is/was.

My son was extremely advanced and someone or a group got jealous and tried to harm him and did. And then they want to pass it off as other things so they don't get caught. Then others continued to harm him.

I was thinking the other day how I went to Google and how many white people drove by just making fun and harassing me and how this van of italians went by and at least they looked like they had hearts.

Anyway, don't give up. Don't give up on yourself or me or my son because we are going to win. I am still putting things together for changing this and showing exactly what has been done.

If it takes threats to call someone from Iran, or ousting the CIA on this when they know a lot more than the FBI and have tabs on just about everything, I will do what it takes.
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oh, well I wasn't a healer with this last person I stayed with. He's in the hospital but I did have something come to mind. Carrots came to mind for some reason so I wondered if he was low in Vitamin A. There was a lot about Vitamin D but not A and I wondered...I looked it up and it's found to be very strong for prevention but I don't know about cure.

I have no idea why I said this but I said to these people, what were his blood labs? and said "I'll bet he's low in Vit. A" but had no clue what I was saying, just guessing. As it turns out, he WOULD be low in Vit. A, bc he has no gall bladder. But I don't know about a cure but you can't store it or absorb it as well without it. He has problems with pancreas and I didn't know he had no gall bladder. I didn't know what either would affect but Vit. A came to my mind and it turns out, this is one major thing that gets processed by the pancreas, gall bladder, and liver.
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Then, this guy who said I really had a premonition about him curled up, responded and said it was true and explained how he got lost. I didn't believe him and I still want to find out about the rescue party but I guess there was one...his mom sent one out on him when he stayed late in a hike and couldn't find his way back.
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I should try to find out more about some cancer or health stuff. I've said it before, but I like that movie "Lorenzo's Oil" because it shows even regular people (non licensed) can make great discoveries that seem so simple but work. Whether it's come about through hard research or not, that would be fun to do now and then.