Saturday, July 13, 2013


I have had a lot on my mind.  Today I ended up being in a very good mood until I stopped at this place where they sometimes have yardsale things.  I looked around to the back and it was sort of set up the way my Dad had been working in the back at our place and all of a sudden, I felt the joy sort of go.  I don't know, it was a complete deadening of joy.  Even though I discovered where some books can purchased at a cheap price. 

It was basically this quashing of my joy for some reason and some kind of silence that hung on me, and then I walked with that all the way back to the house and saw news and the Zimmerman verdict (a case I wasn't following at all) and I had no reaction one way or the other bc I have no idea what it's about.  I haven't been following it all.

The only thing I noticed was that the news cut off Josh Stossel in the middle of someone said smoking kills even kids, and he was repeating his point and only got as far as "Ki" for kills and then the screen on the t.v. went black, and the verdict was coming on.  Then all of a sudden, they did the same thing when this "headband Judge" said, "Sarah".

The screen cut out and the audio too, before she said it, and then she said, loudly, emphatically, this headband woman, "SARAH" and then it flickered and was continuing and I have no idea what point they were trying to make.

From "killed" getting cut off to "sarah".  So then, again, no reaction from me from the show and then this Judge made a statement, or speech, which is only several hours after I mailed something to my son and grandmother at the U.S. post office today.  In my letter to my son, I specifically mentioned that I was proud of him and of his sense of curiosity and that he should learn about whatever he was curious about and thought was fun. 

I put that letter to him in a federal place of business at about 3:00 p.m. this afternoon.  In that time, about 4 hours later the Judge had a speech prepared which she quoted from after saying "Sarah".  She made a speech about how " doesn't matter if some are apt to be CURIOUS, we recognize the right to fight to maintain your personal privacy"..and so on, and it was about the rights of jurors, but it sounded more like the FBI talking to Katie Middleton.

She even put a slight emphasis on the word "curious" which is why I noticed it, because I had just written a letter to my son about it, and then ended up, out of my own curiosity, finding a different house that was doing some things similar to what my Dad was doing and the only reason I wondered was because someone had set out 2 yellow lines that were like a yellow and metal leveler my Dad was using after my Dad picked up a wheelbarrow that was on its side for weeks, which I had wanted to refinish and get the rust off of.  So then around that corner, was another wheelbarrow that was red and tipped over on its side and a plate that said Virginia on it and a star horoscope cup. 

Either my Dad thought I might go there today or someone else set that up and then told my Dad what to do next, or they had copied what my Dad did months ago and then he was told to start leveling out the back area just today.  I went back to the back of the house to look only because he was working back there.

So the Zimmerman thing had no effect on me at all, one way or the other, but then after I asked my parents, "Why did that judge said Sarah?" and after it went to the regular Fox News, I started getting a bad feeling. 

It was also 7 p.m. about the time I did, and I had thought to go to the liquor store tonight, and thought about it last night but didn't go.  I don't know if someone hoped I would or if the wrong person somewhere (not George Zimmerman) felt something went wrong or if it was just that my son was upset and it's close to his bedtime.  I have no idea.  I do know, there was an odd energy after leaving that other place.

Also, one of my guinea pigs was getting totally sedated by something I gave them to drink or eat that he was eating or drinking more of than the other one.  It was like he was stoned.  I have only given them things I have had myself or received and then fed them or fed them first and then later had myself.  The first horrible sedated reaction occurred after he ate kale I bought, and it was so noticeable, I didn't eat any of it.

Then later I tried other things, water or foods I got, and my parents said something about I need to get rid of them and I said, "No!  They're my taste testers!"  Which doesn't sound very vegan at all, and my entire point of having them was as vegan free-range freedom-loving pet owner doing their part, but then I realized, when my life is in danger and I'm being fed or given poisons, it turns out, guinea pigs have a metabolism more similar to humans than even rats.

I very carefully select what I eat and drink and do my best, and wouldn't ever expose them to anything harmful, but if comes down to me or a guinea pig, well, would you lay down your entire life for a guinea pig?

They are very happy with me actually, and I give them a lot of freedom and fun and now, they are tame enough they let me pick them up (usually guineas run away) to take them outside and bring them in and they make happy noises when I'm holding them close to my chest. 

Francis was acting stoned and sedated on the kale and then he acted this way a little with celery but even moreso after some watermelon I gave them.  Just sedated and not his normal self.  And they had a little bit of some plum that I think had something weird with it.  Anyway, now he  is acting like normal again.  I switched a few things and they've been fine. I think he got sedated more because he ate more of the things I mentioned than the other one did.  He would just sit there, and his eyelids would get droopy and he'd fall asleep in the middle of the day, and all day like that.  Like he was catatonic or something.  His happiness and emotions were blunted too.  He went from squealing and eeking like the other one, to being quiet and not as active. I thought, "It's like me, going from creative and singing and my normal energy level to doped up."

It was really sad to see and then to realize, something I was eating or drinking or exposed to in the air vapors (the bad chemical smell wafting through the house) affected them too, however, it had to be more what he ate because they were equally exposed to the air.

Later, one day I got home and Francis had some red mark on the top of his head that wasn't there before and now it's gone but I wondered if he got targeted with a laser.  He was acting sedated after the kale though.  I mean, talk about transformer.   I mean, he wasn't even yawning first, like he does when he's tired, and going to bed.  He was just doping off.

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