No Dreams--Technology

I don't remember having dreams last night at all.

When I woke up and had to wear these same clothes I've been wearing since I left my place (don't have my stuff) and looking the way I do, and having nothing, I think to myself, "Now that was a real moment of delusion" (to think I should appreciate my freedom now because I might have less of it sooner or later). But for some reason, even though it makes zero sense, I feel it's right still. That I need to appreciate some things, even in this time now, because somewhere around the corner I might not have the same opportunity to be thankful for a couple of things I take for granted.

It seems I never even had the privacy I thought I had all along, when people bring up childhood things, but still, I am still able to do a few things.

It is one of those things where I feel something is right, or I'm right about something but only a very small few would agree or feel the same or have this hunch. I am not saying it would be all good either, I just sense there will be even more of a loss of freedoms (not jail, literally, or anything like that)...hey, maybe it is just in getting my son back.

Because I was staring out at the water and it was late at night and I wouldn't do that if I had my son with me. So maybe it is a feeling or hunch about that, maybe it's about future job, or maybe about someone or persons I will meet, good or bad--I don't know.

It could very well be about my son and having him in my care again because it would mean I no longer do many of the very simple things that I do now and don't think twice about, and he was in my thoughts last night.
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On a separate note, still figuring out, specifically, this "burning" thing and I am truly beginning to think it has something to do with something that can be directed at a person discreetly, but more so, I am really very strongly questioning satellite.
Which sounds absurd and extreme but something happened again last night and it makes no sense.

I have noticed this happening a couple of times at businesses where I don't even have my laptop with me. Once I was sitting at the rehab place where I had to give a UA. I was just sitting there and I felt it begin. It didn't quit until I left. I thought this was very odd but I didn't see anything around me and no one was around me either unless they were outside.

Then, last night, and all day yesterday, nothing happened, not until that night when I went to this hotel to hop onto the computer (the lobby for mine was closed). I walked there and then as soon as I sat down, it started.

It is not mental illness or delusion and the part that has me puzzled, is that if it's something to do with satellite, how word gets to some regular people that this is going to happen. That part doesn't make any sense to me. So I was sitting there and there was a clerk there but after awhile, it totally quit. He went around the corner too, and then it quit. But I was looking around and couldn't see anything.

Some of the things I've experienced are definitely using my computer in some way and that's when the benign fasciculations and other things are there. But the feeling of just plain burning is different and yet somehow, some people know, because I've had people drive by and do some kind of "warning" first.

I think to myself, if this kind of thing happens in the U.S. I feel really bad for the people we go to war with or are "out to get" because it would seem to me that if it happens here it happens other places, and it is torture. I cannot imagine how bad it must be for some. Why the U.S. would experiment on its own citizens, or use covers of gang activity to do so, or allow this, knowing, is beyond me. If it is satellite, any country could do this though, I think.

And why local people would know what's going on doesn't make sense.

But there are distinct things which happen, different things, and none of it happened when I was with my ex. Not for 3 months afterward either, even though I was having normal periods again for whatever reason. I had the housemate and others who went after me and tried to say I was "psychotic" almost immediately, but none of the technology stuff was picked up again until about 3 months later.

Also, I noticed this last time, that nothing happened where I lived for the first month but after that, it did. Right about the time I was told my "break" or vacation was over. Around that time someone from Seattle obtained my address, physical address of where I lived and seemed very interested in knowing. I didn't give it out before then but the problems occured almost immediately afterward. As for last night, I didn't tell anyone where I was going, and then I was at this hotel and it started up and then just quit but I could really tell when this was "off" or "on". But, like I say, it's completely different from some of the other things because I've been exposed to a lot. And on this count, no, I'm not delusional and I know my son has suffered the same, which is why I hope to find a way to solve this problem permanently.

Also, I don't get the feeling that my ex is "behind" it or anything. I don't feel he would want this to happen to me or my son at all. I just don't. I think instead that for some reason he was able to influence what some other group wanted to do, by his presence alone or objectives, I don't know. I wondered about the sofa bed thing, why my back started hurting so bad, but aside from that, nothing unusual happened. For some reason, someone he knew or was connected to, had authority to keep me and my son from being harmed in this manner. Or some group just decided we were no longer guinea pigs if he cared, or there was something else going on.

I think the first person I talked to about where I was living was a guy in Seattle who was either Ukraine or Russian but I don't know why that particular man cared, but it was through him or a woman worker (American) in Seattle who entered this info into the state's worksource information database and then this started up again. But I don't know. It could have been that I was just close to getting some things done. I know when I slept in a different location in that house, I didn't have some of the same problems. I don't think it's this though...it is probably more U.S. or maybe some part of Mexico? conflict? I don't know. I am confused about it. I just know it quit and then all the problems came back.

The thing is, someone might be good to him all week and he could be in good spirits and yet someone doesn't like it or wants to pressure me for some reason so other technology is used which affects him dramatically. Then, there has been brainwashing and state people have been a part of it but I know it's not my aunt or uncle for a lot of it. I do not dismiss the idea my son needs better supervision. And I do know I don't trust my aunt or uncle with my son all the time because they make light of a lot of things and have not stood up for my son the way I do.

When my aunt and uncles relatives from Mexico came to visit, for example, I remember my son was in very good health and very happy and I think he got a lot of attention. I also know there were some times my son noticed people sitting in the crowd at the offices and on just a couple of occasions he really liked those people. He really liked some very tall dark brown haired man who was fairly good looking and I remember that bc my son patted him like he knew him and really liked him and on that day my son was wearing his red, black, white jacket. I think there have been a few loose cannons somewhere who have had access to my son, whether it's at church or what I don't know.

In general, my son seems to be a little better out of that daycare. I don't think he should EVER be in that daycare he was in again. He should play with children, supervised, but should NOT be in that daycare ever or with that woman. I know when my Dad has been around to visit he seemed better too. There are also a few women I think he liked.

I can tell when my son is in good health and when he's being smothered with love and attention. He acts like a totally different kid. And for awhile with the monitor Sue, he was coming in like that a lot. Happy, loving, no weird things coming from his mouth, no signs of acting out for any reason--no problems.

Then, someone got to him and told him to act out and he's had good reason and cause to act out too. Sometimes I can tell he's just doing what someone TOLD him to do. Other times, he doesn't look good and I can tell he's not doing well.

I am the only person who advocates for my son, without any fear. I don't care what someone threatens me with, I stand up for my son.

I know that at that daycare, he learned nothing. It was like he was neglected, just playing with kids here and there but not very happy unless I blogged he didn't look good and then all of a sudden someone would give him more attention and take better care of him. My son basically plays by himself and no one bothers to coach him on forming proper sentences and with some of the other trauma, it's a wonder he can speak at all. But no one is spending time with him, to just give him affection and attention the way I do.

He went from 24/7 care and hands on vigilance, to being the kind of kid that is just there to amuse adults, watch t.v., play by himself with no normal and grown up exchange of conversation, and like any other American family that throws their kid into a crib to "cry on their own" through the night so the parents can have time to themselves.

I am quite certain my son is known by U.S. top guns too and they've done nothing to protect him because they apparently want to use him or allow him to be used.

In the very same way I have been used. I haven't escaped notice by the U.S. and instead of doing pro-active things to get people in to keep me and my son from being abused by state and fed persons, they seem to encourage it. On one hand, paying all this attention to me and lauding it--the great experiment--and then on the other, standing by to do nothing. NOTHING. Don't tell me, for one minutes, that more than one country's top tops doesn't know what is going on.

There have also been periods where my son is fine and looks better after a blue week over and over or yellow or whatever, which sounds very weird and I am not going to try to explain what I mean, but then someone freaks out and my son shows up throwing up all over himself in blue vomit over a red jacket.

And the perm solution?

ALL of these fucking Wenatchee people: patrol and state workers, have been involved and done nothing and then all of a sudden they, at the last minute, want to blame it on not just me but the rest of the family.

These people are corrupt fuckers.
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having some of this burning sensation and as far as I know, this would be from satellite because nothing else makes sense. I figure, if people in the military have time and an interest in tracking where I go and what I do, they know what's going on. I mean come on, what is it? "rouge" individuals who fly military helicopters around me and get weird low-flying clearances for other aircraft?

I had better get cleared by this West Point psychiatrist and maybe someone could explain to me WHY all the problems quit if and when I was with my ex from Colombia. If I was with him, no problems for me and my son and if I wasn't, we are tortured and denied our civil rights as well.

I don't think it's coincidental that all of the state workers and psychologists started treating me like shit after we separated. They went from saying they were going to do a psych eval over 16 hours and trying to get my son back with me, to claiming 3 hours was enough. Then this law firm did the same thing, telling me I could use resources and promising this and then dropping it down to nothing and blocking me from getting my son back.

So why exactly? because some people wanted to punish me for not marrying? or because they felt I was fair game and a good target again?

Why would some want me to marry and some groups so forcibly try to prevent it, at any cost, using other women even, to lure him away? What exactly was the fear?

And it is true, I've been jailed on false charges since I separated from him and yet when I was with him someone or some group was trying to put me away on federal charges and frame and set me up to get rid of me, in a federal prison. Boy, do I have a lot of friends or what. Something that I got close to, was just tooo close for comfort.

So the solution, if not to frame me and trash me and have me in jail, was to trash me in other ways and keep me from getting on my feet in any way and from getting my son so I could look as miserable and unappealing as possible.

From what I hear, if one is to believe the CNN report made today, some are expecting a big earthquake to hit. I wouldn't be surprised. The report says more earthquakes than usual are hitting in California at least and that this has some concerned that a big one is coming.

Who knows where my problems really stem from, but I like the idea of people having more to do with their time than attack me and my son.