I had a long nap and then was so tired I couldn't even watch television. I vented online and then fell asleep about 15 minutes later. I had so many dreams but I don't remember everything. I woke around 3 a.m. again but didn't bother to look at the clock until 3:18 a.m.
Then I slept in until at least 8 or more and I felt a lot better. I don't know why but my mood was drastically improved and the sun was shining through the blinds a little bit. Still have a lot to do today but I really needed the sleep.
I had a dream that I was in this house in Seattle and going to rent but everything was like someone else had set it up to screen me for something. Someone English had a hand in it, in my dream. For the future or something. Don't know how to explain it. Then I was showing the woman how the t.v. was acting up with weird interference and I said, "This happens to me a lot" and told her I had very little privacy and she said yes, she'd never seen this kind of t.v. stuff before.
Then she said to have a look outside and said they were near the brooklyn bridge and that there were many bridges in Seattle and had I had a look? and I said no and looked out for a big bridge and didn't see one. Then she said, "No, it's right in front of you" and it wasn't a big concrete or metal bridge. It was a bridge type I haven't really seen before, where the earth was raised up over the water and there were a lot of rocks and smooth stones and then patches of grass mixed in. It was like an old-fashioned country bridge and there were stairs which led from where I was standing to the bridge and all the way across.
Then I looked at her kids room and it was bunk beds and then I realized the lower bunk was a king sized bed and the top was smaller and then there was a bassinet which an older kid was climbing out of. I said, "Oh! I've never seen a king size bunkbed before." and then the last thing I remember was that I opened the fridge up and there was a huge bag of carrots.
Then I woke up. I think it was one of those very mixed up jumbled dreams which has no discernable importance. But it was sort of interesting.
Then this morning I saw this little girl again, A. Rose, and she's really adorable. I asked her mom and dad one night what kind of leaf I had in my hand because I was curious. After walking along the river that one night, I had ended up in this really long line of trees, trees on either side with a path in the middle and plucked a leaf and was curious what kind of tree. So at first he said he didn't know but then he said, "Well maybe it's an acorn oak" and started describing how cottonwood maples or something or other were shaped differently. Very smart people. And their little girl is really cute and always asks me for a hug. She's about 3 or so.
I have to pick up some papers today. After breakfast I went back to my room and imagined, for a brief few minutes how it would be to have someone helping me. Like I could lie there and put in a phone call asking someone if they would pick up such and such for me, and then someone else to do the other...I wondered why I procrastinate and partly, I realized, when I saw myself designating to others, I realized it's not that I don't know what needs to be done and can't do it, it's just that I am spread too thin and with the custody stuff it's very personal and it would be easier if someone were helping gather things together and then I just went over it. Not having a car in this town is also a major problem. It's like, out of 10 things to get done,I have to choose one or two things which could be accomplished, when if I had a car I'd be getting it all done in a day, not a week. It's impractical to live this way and be forced to live like this, and get on my feet. Aside from the logistics of getting around, I have people keeping me out of any money so that's significant. Then, throw in lawyers doing nothing, and people stealing your documents, and you're screwed. It doesn't matter how industrious and determined one is--it is not possible. So I think, when I was able to imagine myself asking others to help me, it is not absolute "avoidance" but simply exhaustion and being justifiably overwhelmed.
Then, out of my attempts to get 1-2 things done, I have a whole mob of people trying to uproot every single thing I am trying to plant. The minute I sow the seed, someone is there to tear it up.
Then I thought about Diana for a brief moment, how I saw this video last night about a woman who goes in and the man is almost dead and then by holding his hands he comes to life. I read she did that once, when someone was in a coma.
I sat at a table today, had raisin bran and yogurt and was staring across from a bench like the one in the Rowan Keating song "You Say It Best (when you say nothing at all)" so I played this song first. I picked some fresh lilacs for the table too.
I also noticed the other day...something interesting about a sign on a pole next to a grocery store right where someone on a motorbike had been.
I can't find the bridge type I saw in my dream. It wasn't high and raised up. It was lower to the water and earth and stone all the way up, like something out of an old fashioned irish, english, danish (holland?) or american style, or scottish? where it's sort of wide and just built up and then had patches of grass inbetween the smooth stones on the surface. It doesn't matter. It was a jumbled up dream and there was more but I don't remember everything.
There hasn't been any of the burning and technology stuff for the last two days now. I am not fooled yet. I feel like it's a temporary thing and then it will return again when someone feels the coast is clear. I want this stuff with me and my son to stop, permanently.
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I also wanted to say, in a calmer state, that yes, I really did see this missing woman and she was found in the same clothing and at the same location, in the same position I saw, without knowing who she was. I am not making that up. It was like a flash in front of me, fleeting, and I didn't ask for it or anything, I just got it and then found out it was right on. Right after that, my son and I had worse problems and I had felt someone had taken my information and used it to find the woman without credit to me at all and then I was suddenly being called paranoid schitzophrenic. I wasn't. I really saw something that was sort of psychic and it wasn't some schitzo thing--it was real. At that point, things just got even worse and there were MORE problems with technology stuff. But I am not joking about that.
I'm not a psychic detective though. I can't do what I see those people doing--it's more hit and miss as it comes.
The other night I felt I had some kind of a lucky streak though, but didn't know why and didn't know why I was going the places I was going and it was so windy and I was going against the wind and this man was passing me and I said, "How do you say, I can't fight this feeling anymore?" and I pushed my hand out. I was laughing.
Yesterday I ended up, after my visit with my son, in front of a Jordan (I thought rivers again) and a David and they rang me up and I asked what Jordan's tattoo was of and he said it stood, in writing, for "dragon". He said he was in the army. So we talked about different kinds of dragons and then I sat down and noticed a big rose on a necklace behind me and a woman then sat down with a huge dragon pin on her lapel, right across from me.
Of all things. I didn't even have to ask what his tattoo meant and then it was dragons all over the place.
Listening to and watching this Elton John song "Can You Feel The Love" makes me think of my son. I saw this little clip of poor Simba. Where he comes up over the mountain all alone and going into the caves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkGDrV_2ehI&feature=related
I had the thought this morning:
"Not Without My Daughter" and thought, that's what this has been like for me in Wenatchee.
Oh, and about the man I met who said he wrote upside down--it wasn't a joke, he really did because he teaches math and he showed me how it was easier, when a kid is sitting across from his desk to write out equations so they were upside down to him but rightside up for them. And when he did this, he did it perfectly. It was more natural than doing it the other way. I wanted to write this to clarify so it didn't sound like I was making something up or he was pulling my leg.
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