Sunday, April 25, 2010

Very Bad Feeling & Check On My Son--Disconnection By Stranger?

I just called the Avilas and something isn't right. Someone needs to go over there and check on my son and their family as well. I was disconnected but it wasn't my uncle who did this and when he said everything was fine I could tell it wasn't. This was one time where I asked my uncle a question and it was very clear that things were not okay. His tone of voice said the exact opposite. He also didn't hang up, it was more like someone took the phone away from him and hung it up for them.

I asked where my son was, because I started having a very, very, bad feeling about an hour ago and he said my son was still asleep. I asked if my aunt was there and he said yes.

I also have a lot of people hanging around trying to win some kind of game.

I did not have a good feeling yesterday, all day and at night, I couldn't sleep and had to have a drink because I was pacing back and forth. I knew something was wrong. It was a very still energy and something very absent and several times in the last few days I have felt for my son, the way I feel when I needed to feed him, because my body would give the cues when he cried. And I have a feeling he has not been okay.

All day and night night especially, I knew something was wrong. And then this early morning I woke up and everything was fine. At 6:00 a.m. things seemed to be okay, although I woke several times last night. Then, I was talking to some people and the one guy made me laugh but then about 7:30 a.m. I got a very bad feeling.

I thought about my son and then called to see how he was doing. I was told things were fine but I could tell they are not.

I also have some rough people getting smug and close to me. I don't like it. Something bad is going on. This one man was sitting there in the lobby reading a book and I asked what it was and showed me the title: "Boneman's Daughter". I don't want to read anything into it but he was sitting there specifically wanting me to see this and not even into the book. I felt it was supposed to be some reference to me and my Dad, when I have recently written about some things. Or who knows what. Or something to do with someone else's daughter.
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I am just now starting to feel a tiny bit better but only a little bit.

Last night, I felt almost an absence of the presence of God--not for my life, but that something was really wrong. An absence of God or withdrawal from some others maybe and I sensed the sadness. Or someone just very sad but there was something besides sadness bc I don't feel like pacing when it's just sadness. So I was pacing and then I just had a drink or two and sang and danced and began to feel better but I cried to and prayed and asked God to "do something" about these people who are bad, who God knows about. It wasn't so much an absence of God as maybe just feeling or sensing someone's hands were tied in some way. But I also know that in other ways there was a peace too. I also prayed very hard for the return of my son to me. I focused all of my energy which felt very strong in that moment and prayed this. Then I felt everything coming back to me.

I am thinking it could have been a fight last night. Probably I would feel sad for someone no matter who they are, even if they are bad to me. I had someone write in that a man was being evicted and it didn't make me happy. In his case, I don't know what the whole situation was and I don't know if maybe others were involved in bad things and he scouted it out a little.

I do know some tangibles, that while I might feel sorry for someone who got into trouble for lying in my case with my son, I know enough to know how bad the lies and corruption are and if someone were fired, I would still feel sort of sorry for them but I would know it was right to fire them because they are so dishonest.

I am getting the burning thing and I want it to stop now. It's like if something shifts, it's either the "cough-cough" and/or burn crew, or I'm sensing something else.
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I've had a few people tell me something good is going to happen or that there is a big purpose for me or something about 2 lately or where I sit or who or what I don't know. But it feels like it's all a mind game when I don't see things happening on a practical level. If there is something good I don't feel I should have to wait for it anymore. I'm tired of waiting for something good to happen. Maybe I'm supposed to wait just a little bit longer, but in general, I'm tired of waiting when I've done nothing wrong and I feel like some are waiting for something to turn around before they can even associate with me. I was told recently that someone was here in town or in a building or who knows what and that my going to this one place was significant. I'd like to know why or how because I don't get it.

The one thing that I prayed for, when I prayed last night, was for my son to be returned to me. That was the prayer that I knew I was supposed to pray. Nothing else came to mind except this and that nothing would hold me back from this and then that those who are against me, God would find out. I know I was heard last night. I feel doubtful about how it would even happen but, seriously, this is a case in America where my son has basically been held hostage from his own mother. It was wrong to take him to begin with and wrong to lie to keep him from me.

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