Today (Russians In Town Too!)

I guess a ton of people came in from all over to see what kind of freak of nature I am. Lots of internationals.

Don't think I don't know either. But then again, don't think that I know what the hell I'm doing. Sometimes I get an idea and the rest of the time I think what the hell and don't even know why people are staring at me, happy or pissed, either way, because I have no clue what is going on.

I have some things to write about.

I am also not very happy about the fact that I am sitting at a coffee place and the burning stuff began with this laptop, and what do you know, but a grown woman drives by fanning her face because she knows about this. I don't mean, I just see this, but no, she is pulling out her shirt and waving it, staring at me and laughing dramatically, like she's very hot.

It's really not funny because this is real. People forget it's real. They forget that the suffering is real and are emotionally detached from putting it all together.
I'm concerned about my son actually because someone kept making motions like he'd stepped on something and it hurt and then there have been nails sticking out of boards all over the place.

This was a huge mind game day. I think I will live in the country on an organic farm for awhile or something to let things die down a little bit. I don't know. I also felt extremely sympathetic for this one dog. This dog, a black lab, is an experimental dog. The hell is being fried out of this poor dog and whoever came up with the idea to control dogs...or animals, I don't know

My professional opinion is that MK-Ultra and Paperclip stuff never went away. It went more underground in government circles, probably world-wide, and they have been improving on techniques and trying new things. I know this is true. There is no way some of these animals would do things on target unless this were true. I have a very specific example:

The dog ran after me like I was her best friend. Normal. She didn't want a collar and stayed close enough so I thought it would be fine. It just followed the dog after giving her pats. So the dog trots along until it gets to house number 700 and it's a white house with white cars in front of it and then who should be pulling up at the other end of the road but white trucks, slowly, watching to see what the dog did. I mean, this was calculated. Sure, fun and games for the majority but there were professionals in the mix, and they were very interested in what was happening. The dog proceeded to go to that white house and decides to poop there.

It wasn't random. Not with those trucks there, at a distance, coming around and parking covertly. Not a chance. And she was acting weird. I mean, just going from place to place like any normal dog, but something isn't right. She has almost lost her hearing. She has some cataracts but very good sense of smell.

So then she goes across the road at just the parts where I would cross the road. She led the way, like she already knew where I was going.

So then we get to this place of transistional housing and I was totally open to it, having other options in mind as well. I was 100% open to this and going to be humble adn try it out. I WOULD have, if people hadn't started saying really weird things when I was there. When I was downstairs, I was shown a room and it was fine. Looked good. Really, no problem at all and I would have taken it. What I didn't like was that it was immediately next to the law offices for the medical hospitals and clinics in town. It would be easy to intercept my conversations and other things from that short distance and I didn't like the proximity. I also didn't like looking out of my window to be reminded of that place, where the problems with my son originated.

Someone very good and kind could have picked out this room and not known a thing about this, but I knew. I knew what that firm represented and I felt living there wold be distracting. I didn't mind going past toothless people either, or crazy people, and I shook hands, but then one of the so-called crazies didn't act so crazy but just harassing. I thought that was bad news. The director told me there were lots of people there with mental health issues so I could say whatever I wanted to him and it would be "confidential". Like that's reassuring. I don't have a problem being humble, but being made out to "fit in" as if I should really be there for mental health reasons, is different.

There were very specific reasons I didn't want to go there. It wasn't snobbery or snubbing and I was fully willing to give it a go. It was much more to do with the fact that the first room faced this one law firm with so many bad memories for me. The second room was upstairs and the woman there was saying nutty stuff, like, I could have some of the clothes, but they were all going into a black garbage bag, which made me think of Raine, and that's exactly what she was then implying too. It wasn't even disguised.

So I feel some people MAY have tried to screw with me to keep me out of choosing a temporrary but viable option and one which I would have chosen to be humble enough to accept and learn from. Instead, it was more mind trip stuff and that is really what it came down to.

There was nothing wrong with the place itself. It was suitable. The problem is that there was something wrong with a few people there and then the location being right next door to that law office, where my problems in this town originated.

It really wasn't funny. The "Raine" woman was saying all this stuff and had a huge turquoise sheet for her curtain and then her window was next to the Anglican church. I just felt weird about it.

Poor accomodations? It's okay. Humble is okay and even sometimes admirable. I like seeing humility and making use of everything and being diligent and not wasting things. But humiliation is different from humility. And I really feel someone might have thought it was okay and not known, while others did know and wanted to screw things up.

I think dirty tricks. I don't think the "playing field" has been level.

How ironic I can refer to myself, indirectly, as a pawn.

So then, I am walking away and feeling sad like I should be saying yes and defeating something, but on the other hand thinking how it wouldn't be possible to concentrate with others enacting "Raine" scenes around me.

I don't think I'm too picky am I? I think I'm being rational. I'm trying.

So then I leave this place with the dog and happen to stop at this one car with people around it and ask if, randomly, they could offer water for a dog. I wanted the dog to be watered. So these people act shocked, totally flabbergasted, and produce, as if they'd been asked to stand ready at my request, a balloon covered tub of water. So the dog had a drink.

Then I was going back and the dog is tearing across all the yards and I'm embarrassed she is pooping and peeing in every other yard. I keep patting my thigh and whistling for her and she was having a BLAST but tearing everything. So then she tears across the street and I don't know why I did this but I said, "Oh no!" and threw my hand up on top of my head as I said this. Very dramatic but instictive. I felt like someone else does this, it was deja vu, but I don't know who. So then the dog goes off along the canal, this ditch filled with water. I thought, okay, I'll go with that, so we're walking along the canal and she just spontaneously JUMPS in and starts paddling like an otter and drinking the water.

I looked up thistle. I thought it was something bad. Like there are roses and then there are thistles. But then I read about the order of the thistle. I thought, later, well, I saved a dog's life today. Does this mean I want to be a thistle?

So the dog jumped in and was happily paddling and then there was this real moment, where I literally saved her life. It wasn't a big deal but then I realized, if I hadn't been there, she probably would have drowned. I really saved a dog's life today.

She wanted to get out and couldn't climb up. She tried and kept trying and I didn't want to intervene unless she couldn't do it. But then she looked at me, with these pleading eyes. She was going to drown if I didn't help. So I got in closer to the muddy part of the bank (later thinking about my dream of course) and I grabbed her, saying "Come on, it's okay" and I pulled her up by her collar and then grabbed her legs and hoisted her up. She had one small yelp and then was up top again.

She shook herself off and trotted along again. It was sort of weird though. Why did she decide to go for a swim at that moment? I don't know. Everything felt surreal.

I saved a LIFE! A dogs's LIFE! It actually wasn't a big deal then but now that I've had a drink I am thinking of it in a different light. I am Dog Hero. Well, so I say to myself, nodding. Dog HERO. Sort of funny to think, because I never listen to "hero" songs and I did listen to that Mariah Carey song, "Hero" before my walk and this situation.

Oh, you should have seen her eyes. I let her struggle just a little bit, not to panic her, but to give her a chance to do it herself and then I went in and got a little muddy and wet. When she was up, she did this tremendous shake and I was sprayed with water. I just smeared it over my face and patted like it was an Evian mist.

Then she goes trotting off in her weird lopsided way and I feel so...I don't know. Poor sweet jolly little doggy.
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Listening to this music and I had to see what it was bc I sort of like it: "White Stripes". I asked this guy what genre it was. I said, "What is this? heavy metal?" and he said, "Are you kidding me?" and said it was called "Mainstream". The two times I got up to see what was playing, it was White Stripe songs.
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A lot of weird things today. I think I can write about the other things later. Right now, need a break.