images

how many fucking miracles do you need?
a bird dove into the trees and is fighting
quarreling with the other birds in front of me
singing, i sang the sun in and pushed it back out
black cat crossing a path is unlucky they say
my nails are sunken and have ridges and plateaus
nothing is done but to put out a paperclip
and coaching for my son to join the circus.
do this! do that! watch this! where now?
the wisdom to know the difference is knowing
what is good,
what is God,
what is chance,
what is luck,
what is sheer coincidence,
what is magic,
what is manipulation
the wisdom to know is finding a way to seive the silt
from the gold, even if there is just a little bit there
that manages to glitter in the muck.
i was once worth my weight
with the midas touch and then when i didn't
turn to statue with my lips pressed together
i was cursed for asking for miracles
how many times did your coat tear on the fleece
in the bramble but how many times were you blessed
you want more miracles and then you doubt them
and doubt their source
as do i
when pigs fly
will be the day
i asked God if I was going to marry a moral coward
he wouldn't give me a straight answer
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Wheah is mah rainbouw pounie coward?

I don't know why I'm still single. Confused.

I'm joking about the above comment in this section. Seriously. It's not a nice prose comment and it's also not directed to anyone nor did I have anyone in particular in mind. But while I thought, knowing this is not the way to anyone's heart and while thinking it was the best come on line ever (jk) I felt a good peace after I wrote the poem or idea above it. Very calm. Nothing conflicting. Just calm.
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I decided to look up a verse randomly after noticing something turquoise again. This time, I don't care. So what. Let the whole world celebrate frickin' turquoise period. It will be devoid of any connotation in no time. But I picked up the Bible and saw that I had used the end of a curler, as a bookmark and it's turquoise. I did NOT do this intentionally. I was lying down and reading and I guess in my half slumber state, I picked it up and used it without even thinking.

So with that I closed the book, which was opened to that rock passage about the rejected rock becoming the cornerstone, and I ended up in Judges. Samson and Delilah. The first passage my eyes fell on was this: Judges 16:10:
"And Delilah said unto Sanson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thous mightest be bound." And with that the song "Hallelujah" came to mind, where he says, "...You tied me to your kitchen chair..."
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I got the impression of one man aying "fuck off" curtly to and absentmindedly to another man.
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listening to "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley.

Oh, this is beautiful...I just found "Samson" by Regina Spektor. I have never heard her before. Actually, what a surprise disovery, this song. Beautiful.

Look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8

Oh no, this one made me cry. But I don't know why because like I say, I don't know my own story or history or sitution or even past. I just know that sometimes, something hits a mark.