Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dreams & Answered Prayers

I woke up early this morning, as I did last night, questioning my dream.

I did have an answer to my question the night before last night, in the form of a dream.

I didn't spend a lot of time asking God to give me a dream first either. It took less than 4 minutes and maybe only 2.

But I remembered because even if I pray for things in general, I don't often ask God for specific things. I am too nervous that He might answer me or whether I'm praying or asking for the right thing.

For a note: I have never, not once, asked God to cause someone to like me in a romantic way and I have never asked God for a particular person.

This is for example. I have prayed before, "God, whoever YOU want me to be with, help us to be in eachother's thoughts." Or I might have felt that something was possible at a certain time and then felt too nervous to press God to help me have what I think it is, and I've stopped short, feeling overwhelmed by the idea.

I have never prayed, "God, make me the CEO of ______" or "Give me _____."

At least not in a decade or so. I don't think so. Partly, this is because when I was younger and I prayed for something specific, I usually got what I asked for. I prayed that if this one younger man in my church would ask me out on a date that day, I would marry him.

He had never asked me out before, ever. And he had a girlfriend he was very recently broken up with or seeing sometimes long-distance.

Of all things, to my shock, on the day I went to church with 2 braids in my hair and a checkered peach and cream sundress and sandals, and hardly any make-up, the same day my mother said to me, "You look like you came in from the cornfield," he asked me out.

It was on the same Sunday that I prayed this to God, that he decided to, out of the blue, having had very little contact with me before (aside from saying "hello"), asked me if I would like to go out with him after church. And there I went, leaving my bewildered parents parents behind, as I left with a man wearing a suit and tie, as the Girl From The Cornfield.

We dated and he talked about marrying me, without one mention of marriage from my own lips. He told me, directly, that he wanted to marry me, after we dated a short time, and wrote poetry for me and made some drawings.

One night, he took me to this huge house that was being built on a hill.

At the time, I lived with family in Sherwood, Oregon next to Parrot Mountain and the entire area was sort of designated "horse country". Everyone had pasture and everyone owned horses and the only equestrian stable in the area was nearby. There were also some very nice houses and newer ones being built. This newer one was being built to look like a southern or greek style mansion. It had huge columns in the front and all around with a wrap-a-round porch, and it was 3 or 4 stories.

One night while it was still under construction, at dusk, we went inside and climbed the stairs to the top and it was there that he said he wanted to marry me. I remember I couldn't think of a single thing to say and said nothing. He didn't say, "Will you marry me" but close enough.

And after that, I freaked out. My palms were sweating, my heart was in my throat, and I couldn't breath. I don't think it was a panic attack at all but I couldn't wait to get out. I said to God, "God, I know I asked for him to like me, but I don't want to marry him." And I prayed about it and felt God let me off the hook. I told him how I felt, the man, and then while I was feeling sort of sorry for him, he scooped up some other woman who was very cute actually, and they were engaged shortly thereafter and married and now have happy children.

I never forgot this though, because this is only 1 example where I specifically asked God for something, and He answered my prayer and gave me exactly what I asked for. So when I got older, I became much, much, more careful about what I asked for because I am always afraid that I might get what I want. And what if I find out later, it's not the best thing? or the right thing for me, but I got what I asked for simply because I asked?

So usually, my prayer is that since God knows all things, the right thing will come along and be brought to my mind. If something is in my mind therefore, is it always God? or is it another force? and I test these things too and I sometimes really don't understand why certain people or situations are brought to me.

However, one thing that I strongly question, is with regard to my son.

I have prayed specifically for my son to be returned, and for an investigation. I also know that it is God's will and I have never felt it was out of the will of God to pray for this.

And that's where I think about Jesus on the cross, being mocked. I read this recently before falling asleep, how Jesus was on the cross and the people taunted him, saying, "You said you could raise the temple in 3 days, but how about this? how about you just get down from the cross if God is with you. Try getting down. You want a crown? You think you're king? Did you see what we wrote about your head? king of the jews. You think you're something, but you're nothing. Try to fight this power and money. You couldn't fight Pilate could you? If you are the son of God, come down off of this cross. Do for yourself what you claim you can do. If you healed people and performed miracles and it wasn't from satan and demons, then prove to us you are sent from God."

Jesus, of course, did not get off of the cross. The signs that were already given, had already been given and these people chose to ignore them.

What I know, is that I have seen the goodness of God in a way that is very difficult to describe, and I have also been a firsthand witness to pure evil.

All this to say, that I don't understand why things are allowed to happen or not happen, aside from interference from others who don't believe in God or fear God. I think I have strong faith, but maybe too, my faith is not strong enough. Or maybe it is that if enough people use their money and resources to lie and ruin someone, they get what they wanted, but they miss out on something that had been in store for them that was very good, and a blessing that would have extended to them, their families, and subsequent generations. I am sure that those who have lied about me are not blessed. They may be victorious in some ways, but they are not blessed.

Considering everything I know, I thought about the answer I had to my prayer again. I had some doubts about what I dreamed. Because it seems to me, like such a stretch, that maybe it is from God and just symbolic and maybe it was a counterfeit message. But if I prayed earnestly and asked God for a dream, knowing and admitting I cannot always base things off of "signs", couldn't it be true?

What I got was a big deal, and then in the dream I questioned the woman, saying, "Is this going to take 40 years or something?" or made some kind of question in my mind, in the dream, or realization that it was going to take time. I'm already in my 30s. I was being singled out for a major responsibility, in my dream, and when I realized this, I wondered how long it was going to take.

I had fragments of dreams that night, different things, but the one that I remembered, when I woke up, was this fragment about a special duty or job and there was a woman in my dream or angel (but I thought it was a woman) that had dark hair (at least in the dream) and she told me what was planned for me. And it wasn't this flashing lights and glamour dream, it was a small section of being told what some had in mind and then my wonderment at how that was possible and how long was it going to take. If she didn't tell me, it was like I somehow had the idea transmitted to me and realized what it was but she was there at the same time and then I was wondering how this was possible and if I was going to be older.

I didn't see my son in the dream at all. Which isn't to say that my son isn't part of my future and my present, but in the dream that I had, it only showed me a woman, and me, and then an answer to my question that I had asked before I fell asleep. The woman seemed to be white, with dark hair, but I really can't say specifically, everything and it may have been like an angel.

I don't want to say anything more than that. But that's why I thought, "I can't believe it. I asked for an answer and I got one" but then I think later, "How can this be? was this coming from God or from a bad or counterfeit spirit that is just trying to hide the truth."

In my dream, it was more like an older woman, not someone my age or younger. I had the impression it was an older woman, but again, it was this quick dream and what it appeared to be might be symbolic for something else. In the dream, I didn't recognize the woman. It wasn't like I saw a woman and thought, "Oh, it's _____" or thought, "You look familiar". I didn't know who it was at all.

So what to do with that? I am not totally sure.

I asked God to show me, please, to give me some idea of my future or if I would ever be out from under all of this horrible, horrible persecution and torture and was there any job or mission or calling for me at all, besides just this, this, and this. I asked for a specific dream to address my question and asked right before I fell asleep. Then I got one, and it was the only thing I remembered when I woke up.

It has to be supernatural in some sense, I think. It could be subconscious, but I hadn't been thinking about it all day, or even very long that night. It was a last minute question I had and that was it. I didn't ask for an answer to anything else. I didn't ask, "Will I get my son back" or "Will I ever be married" or anything along those lines at all. I just asked if there was any point to what was happening now and if things would ever change and be better, and if there was any job or future for me AT ALL. And that is exactly what the dream addressed.

It would be nice to know if anyone else ever wonders about the same things I think about.

And what others' ideas might be.

I wish there was a dream interpreter that loves and fears God, because I think I know what this dream was about, but it would be nice to have confirmation too.

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