Toady

I put Toad the Wet Sprocket on, thinking of old times and old music.

I got the song "Good Intentions".

Didn't change it.

I put in my application for my passport but I might send a few supplemental things in a couple of days. I thought about retaking the photo, the one that is so ugly of me and was taken the same week my ugly photo was taken of me for my TN ID--both which are clearly "Look at me. This is what they did to me and yes i look ugly because they assaulted me and injected me with horrible drugs."

I thought, "I can always lose my passport and have to take a new photo and update it."

Vanity isn't everything.

I think, in everything, it crossed my mind a few times: "I might be related to Diana?"

I have a very strong feeling I am very directly linked to those people over there. It's too weird. I mean, I've had people ask me, "Have you ever written to them?" and I said, "Are you kidding me? that would look nuts or stalkerish."

But I definitely connect to some things over there and I also know I have thought it's strange I should feel any identification with Diana at all when her life was so different from mine. We have the same personality type--a rare one, and that's it.

But I have been feeling more and more, that there really is something to it. Somehow, I am very connected. I think someone has proof or records somewhere and has done more research. My family has a lot of written records but you, everyone and their mom is related to some president, military figure, or royalty, right?

Still, I think there is something to it.

After I wrote what I did, about Charles Spencer, I thought, "Cameo, you are making yourself a major laughingstock." But what is odd, is while I know this, I also know there is something to some (maybe not all but at least some) of the stuff that comes to me.

I just don't what it all is. I figure God knows and if he has it intended to mean something to someone, I think the person it's intended for will get it and maybe I never need to know.

I like the series of songs here: Counting crows "Mr. Jones" and Goo goo dolls "Name". I really like Name.

It wouldn't matter who I am, or what my identity is, really, if I were not tortured.

If I had never been tortured, I never would have wondered why.

Today was a big day for torture. Again. Just bits and pieces here and there, people trying to sock it to me where they could. For example, a group of misfits that all looked professional, at the U.S. Post Office. None of them Protestant. I don't know that they were any religion at all because I didn't get a spiritual vibe from them.

I was standing there at the counter, asking the clerk "Mike" about mailing options for my passport stuff, and someone started using technology on me as I stood there. I turned around immediately and a couple of the people in the small group startled, and they had all come in, as a group almost, at about the same time. Maybe 6-7 of them. Then, one of the men, a guy in a long-sleeved black shirt was making a big ruckus with both of his hands in his pants pockets and moving them around a lot, as if to distract me and have me think it might be him.

I said, in that moment, to the post office clerk, loud enough for their whole group to hear me, "So," (I said, turning sideways as if to address both the post office clerk and the group of people at the same time), "Do you have security for screening people before they come into the post office?" (at the Broadway offices).

I thought, "Was it Mike?" but if it was, he knew the people behind me who were making motion as if it was possible any one of them.

I'm tired of this. They did one thing to me while I was in the post office.

They did something else with me, at the Well's Fargo bank offices. It was different and it was a very strong burning like a laser. I had gone to the Well's Fargo bank offices and asked for a print out of something with my signature. They said sure but I had to wait and went into an ajoining lobby to call Granny and sit in more comfortable chairs. So I was sitting there, after plugging in my charger, and my phone started getting a lot hotter than usual. And I started totally burning like someone was frying me. I was on the other side of the wall of a new bank manager who is named "Terri Valentine". She was in her office when it was happening, and worse yet, was that nothing was happening until she and this guy Matthew Sexton came into the lobby where I was sitting and they saw where I was.

After they saw where I was sitting, I then was getting hit with something. I thought, "Maybe it's someone from the tall skyscrapers (to my left, outside of the window) and I thought that was it but then I looked around the corner and that woman was also sitting right there, on the other side of me. I was across the street from a Philly's cheese steak house, and an office above it, and about 3 skyscrapers. It was bad enough that I had to move and when I did, people were there waiting for me to move.

How did they know I would move if they had no knowledge this was happening to me? I was basically forced to move over to some other kelly green chair and it quit, but then there was this group of people wearing kelly green stuff, and then inside the lobby, a man watching my every move, wearing the kelly green. There weren't that many people around either, and I was so upset I told Granny and she said I should pray for my enemies and I started telling her, sometimes God doesn't expect us to pray for our enemies and read a little from Psalms. She said, "You're not David, and do you know where David is? He's dead."

(You know how it is to argue with Grannies)

Like we're talking about David the dentist. David-down-the-road. I thought (but didn't say it to her), "David doesn't have the sole propietary rights to asking God to avenge him." Really. I'm in the famleee Granny. Do you know where DAVID got his red hair? From ME, that's who. Okay, now you go. You get 10 minutes on the clock Granny. Come on, you can do it--bust my ass...

(and in the background here at the library a young black man said, "beat my ass" seconds after i thought it. Seriously. I was about to write it and then paused because it was swearing and then my music quit and I heard some guy in the background say the exact same thing that came to my mind. It was "beat", not bust, too.)

No, I can't outdebate Granny. No matter how I might try.

What I said was, "David lived a LOONNG life and Saul was the one who died because he was violent and I'm not violent. I'm being attacked as an innocent person who has never done anything violent in my life. I'm going to live a long life."

Anyway, that was my conversation with Granny. Try telling Granny you're being fried with lasers at a bank building lobby and you'll get all kinds of interesting responses.

I don't know why I'm even laughing because it's actually true.

The sad vibe changed and improved today, this afternoon. I felt this heaviness and sadness this morning but it changed. Oh, and a brief good energy when this blind guy was standing near the window where I was, one with a green cane. But I was still tortured. It's not like all the time, as it was at work, or in Wenatchee.

Well, here are my novel health ideas:

1. Ginko Biloba. I was taking ginko biloba because I thought my memory was bad because of the injections at the psych ward, but no, it was most likely because of the crap that was happening at Logans. They tried out ALL kinds of things on me there. I am not even kidding. Anything that could possibly be tried, that's bad, they tried. But what I started to realize, was, before I even read about it online, I started thinking, "I don't know if this works for memory but I think it helps my circulation." And then I read the main efficacy of ginko is with circulation. The part I liked was that I was able to figure out, for myself, that it worked for circulation, before I ever read about it.

2. DHEA. I am developing an idea that DHEA is a possible way to counter effects of Haldol and Seroquel and crap. There is no known cure to being assaulted and injected with it but then I was wondering, okay, on this label it says DHEA may he helpful for sugar metabolisis. ....And what does Haldol do? and lithium and some of these drugs? Haldol is known to cause diabetes or tip over a previously healthy person to sugar, glucose, and diabetes.

DHEA may combat Haldol in some way. I have never looked it up thought. But I will this minute.

I frankly think that I am a scientist's dream. Some of them just want to tap into my ideas and take credit themselves because I'm not educated, but I am a very good brainstormer!

Note: if you are prone to seizure, be careful with DHEA. I"m prone, I've realized, but on the very mild end of epilepsy prodome or mild stuff. I don't have full blown seizures and it can cause this in some people.

MMm, yeah, I'm reading some other things...DHEA & testosterone is significantly lower in men who have been treated with antipsychotics. So if you think you were unjustly injected, maybe try some DHEA and you can get it over the counter.

Do you know what's strange, I just read that Haldol masks a positive for LSD. Haldol will create a false positive for LSD, so someone who was doped with LSD first, could have someone cover for the effects by taking or injecting someone with Haldol and blaming it on the Haldol.

From what I am reading, cocaine may also counter effects of Haldol. I am not finding as much medical research about it, and I do know that DHEA affects sugar and glucose metabolism as well as D-2 receptors, horomones, and neuron excitability. The goal of antipsychotics is to "block" perceived "overactivity" in neurological processes, and administration of Haldol is known to cause an immediate impairment of memory, of thinking processes, and horomones. Which is why it is given to those who value their minds, and who have been a threat to others because of their ability to think and challenge...

Well, challenge all kinds of things.

If you have a beautiful mind, some are even jealous enough of this alone, to want to destroy it.

If you have visions that hit too close for comfort, or have demonstrated psychic ability, what you "see" may be a very serious threat to criminals or others persons who would have you written off than believed.

And if your energy level is coming back to the point where you are getting into excellent physical and mental shape again,

This is a threat only to those who try to do things like block FBI investigations by the decent and good FBI agents (not the criminals and hypocrites)