Sunday, May 8, 2011

Random & Nonconsensual Medication and Assault

I thought about going to church this morning but I am not going from being hired to work at a job where I was being tortured and degraded in such an inhumane way, to the chapel every day all over again.

I already know, for me, that if the Episcopal church is in communion with the Catholic church, after what I've been through, this is not the place for me to be.

So I had my hair curled and forgot it was Mother's Day when I woke up. I was thinking about other things. I didn't know what to wear and finally chose the cobalt blue sweater, which I noticed, just today, has this weird red thread sewn into it. I never noticed it before. The entire sweater is cobalt blue and the tag in the back is black and sewn with black thread. But after I decided I was going to wear this one today, I noticed this tiny red thread sticking out, super small and why I noticed I have no idea. Where it came from, I have no idea. But I put it on and then my black rose with the fringe scarf, and jeans.

I put my hair up, even though it's curled. I put on face powder, white concealer, and black maskara and nothing else. No foundation or blush or eye shadow, or lipstick or anything. And then I left and starting walking and wondered if the red thread has always been there or if someone got into my locker and sewed it in recently.

I considered the church because I was up early, at 5 a.m. I was out of bed. But no, don't want to go there again. And I walked to a place to blog and look at the news and have tea. I offered to pay for a pastry but was invited to have one and I thought I was picking out a Bear's Claw but then I found out it was an apple streudel. It was shaped like a bear claw with the almond slivers and everything. Just Earl Grey tea and a pastry. And then I looked up news and after I blogged my post about dreams and prayer, I put on Jay Z and didn't feel like playing the girlfriend/boyfriend song so I played "Forever Young" and as I tried to see if my own headphones worked better, a penny fell out from my scarf or somewhere and landed heads up and I picked it up to look at it. I don't usually do this, bc who cares, but I was curious. It was a 1988 penny so I looked up 1988 on wiki to see what that year was like, just for random info.

I went from the one Jay Z song to deciding to look up "rewired" since this is the name of my parent's friends' band in Seattle. I could only find something by Mike & The Mechanics (the only band I recognized) and got "Perfect Child" from the CD "Rewired" but then I will probably go to something else like worship. I didn't really like this song so I just went back to Delirious? and got "We Give You Praise".
I talked to my family yesterday and my aunt and uncle were celebrating my son's birthday with extended family last night.

I had a bad feeling, or heavy sad feeling last night after talking to them. The entire time I was in chapel. After out of chapel, no heavy feeling anymore. Once upstairs, for some reason, the feeling left, but the whole time I was in chapel, just had this feeling something wasn't right somewhere.

For the last 2 days though, there hasn't been a lot of technology torture stuff happening, which I'm thankful for, but I also know I'm still doped up on something because I'm still not having my normal body symptoms that would prove to me I was not medicated with something.

My mom said maybe it's stress but it's not. There are some things that are consistent with my body, regardless of the level of stress and I can determine everything from this, because it's been the same since I was in high school. If something causes a change or a break in a pattern of something that I normally have happen every day or every other day, I know without any shadow of doubt that I am medicated and doped up on something.

There is absolutely no doubt about it. I am on some kind of medication or drug. I also thought how stupid it was for me to eat from an already opened peanut butter and jam jar (mine and I had it in a locker temporarily), after I already know someone has had access to my locker. I am still too trusting. I vowed to throw it out and be more careful again. There are so many ways to screw up with guarding food and drink. I think I am going to have to go back to single-serving sealed stuff for everything. I thought I could save money with a few things but I can't. I am stuck with eating out of cans and packaged goods and not taking food offered to me. Maybe now and then, maybe...but 99% time no, not if I'm trying to rid my body of toxins and this crap I've been doped up with.

Ever since I was drugged and doped up that one day that I blogged about, when I knew I had something added to the McDonalds pancake platter or to my coffee at the hotel (where the english or british man said thank God), I have not had normal body responses. I then noticed something similiar, when I took a tootsie roll and Dots from a candy bag offered to me at work. Which I would NEVER think was suspect because it looked like normal candy but after eating them I felt weird. Which makes no sense, unless the CIA or military or some other intel that is highly professional is involved.

I know for a fact that someone doped me up with medications or drugs on the day I blogged about it. I noticed it immediately and then the very next day I did not have to use tweezers to pluck this one characteristic hair THAT GROWS if I am NOT drugged and medicated.

Ever since high school, I had had to pluck this hair, and as hilarious as it sounds, and horrible, this is my determinant of whether I am medicated and someone is tampering with me or not. And first, I knew I had been doped. Secondly, I had symptoms of being doped. Thirdly, the very next day, my entire body chemistry and horomone balances had been altered and changed and there was no hair growing back as it would if things were normal.

Then I felt someone doped me up again at least once or twice after this one day. And to date, that hair that I was plucking and have to pluck on a daily basis or every-other-day basis, has not grown back.

This means I am medicated and doped up on some crappy drug. I already knew this, because my creativity has been affected for a long time. And you do not repeatedly dope up someone and then quit and then start again and quit and then EXPECT me to act like normal.

I have been repeatedly experimented with, with medications and drugs and it is a fact that I am still on something right now. If I was NOT on something, that hair would be growing like normal and I would be plucking it out every day.

I am medicated and doped up without my consent and this is illegal unless someone somehow got authorization from someone else.

Which is another reason I am leaving this country if this doesn't clear up in 1 month.

This means I cannot take creamer or sugar from the Y, or leave anything that I've already opened, or eat out, or accept food from others, or anything, until I see this has completely cleared out of my system and I am back to normal.

I am giving this 1 month and expect my body functions and mental functions to be normal in 1 month, with my only eating out of cans and bottled crap. If this does not happen, I am out of the U.S. for good.

I am getting my passport things together and working towards an expedited ticket to get the hell out of here.

I am TIRED of being medicated and doped up and lied to and lied about, in MY OWN COUNTRY. It is OVER. I am sick and tired of people tampering with my body and energy and creativity and emotions by doping me up to keep me down and trying to pacify me. It is no WONDER that I sound like a wreck when I have idiots tampering with my food and drink and off and on so it's totally irregular, and then torturing me inbetween for good measure.

THANK GOD I am almost out of here. That's what I say, and I will get my SON back with other international support, not from the U.S. where they have lied to me, lied ABOUT me, and try to deny everything.

You need to face the truth and admit to the facts. The U.S. needs to WAKE UP and realize they are allowing persons with wrong motives to try to keep me down.

That dream I had has to be counterfeit because it had to do with the United States and that's going to be impossible when I leave here for good. So it must have been symbolic for something else.

But anyway, about my son, they were preparing some kind of a bread tradition at my aunt and uncles, for my son's birthday I guess.

I had no idea they did this and they said, "It's a Mexican tradition."

My son's birthday is on the 11th. But they were having a celebration last night. I felt sad or heavy energy until after chapel so I wonder if later I was sensing good energy from him opening presents and having fun. I don't know. I know it's not always a vibe about my son but other things.

But this Mexican tradition is once a year, and it's some bread tradition where everyone brings bread they made and then it is cooked collectively and everyone then samples the bread.

I asked my cousin, "Are you going to try it with the oil and balsamic vinegar that I gave Oliver?" and she said no, she got a different kind of bread for that. She said the Mexican bread is sweet and I had asked someone to buy some kind of crusty type of bread (baguette or round) for dipping into the oil and vinegar. I said, "So you have the bread for the oil and vinegar and you also have all of the Mexican bread?" and we laughed and I said, "That's a lot of bread."

I guess my son went fishing that day. I said, "Does he like to fish?" and I was told he likes fishing. Then I asked, "Does he feel sorry for the fish when it's on the hook or get squeamish?" and I was told, "Oh no, not at all." And then my radar went up.

My son doesn't feel sorry for a dying fish?

I started thinking, "What are they doing to him?" My son is being raised totally different from how I would raise him and he has suffered and been tortured by what the State has done to him. The U.S. doesn't care. They hear him say he wants to get the "bad guys" and probably decide to try to turn him into a desensitized zombie for their own use.

I mean, if my son likes to fish, that's great. I would not stop him from fishing if he wanted to fish. But I know the son that I had before would have felt sorry for the fish, because he would have thought about his fish he had as a pet and how sad he was when it died. All of a sudden, now he's okay with seeing fish wiggling on a hook?

I want my SON back.

I also know I talked to my son one time and it sounded like he was having emotional issues already, with separation anxiety issues dealing with people and departure of pets and things and was going into a protective mode.

My son is reacting to the torment that the United States has allowed.

They don't want to give me my son back because they are trying to control him and know I would never permit it.

Hello Diana. I wasn't thinking about her, but all of a sudden, when I got to the part about "desensitized zombie" for the State's use, she popped up to mind. I don't know that this is how she ever felt about her own sons, but for some reason she came to my mind.
I started sensing good energy at about 9:50 a.m. Maybe my son is up and playing with his presents. Or, again, maybe it's something else.

I tried looking up the mexican bread tradition and found something for day of the dead and then 3 kings day and there are probably other occasions too.

I have to find out where his shoes are because I ordered shoes for him and they haven't arrived. They were supposed to be there for Easter or a little after. He doesn't have his new shoes yet and that bothers me. I want him to have his shoes. So I have to check and find out how soon they will arrive.

For his birthday I wasn't allowed to give him riding lessons like I wanted and he was supposed to have other presents I sent. So today he gets to open a treasure chest. Or yesterday he did. I bought a treasure chest that had all these dress up things to be a cowboy, officer, knight, indian, fireman, whatever and gadgets that go with these things. And I put movies inside, and a stuffed animal, and a new copy, on the top, of the book Stuart Little. And a little skateboard you can assemble (toy), and then lots of character cars from the movie CARS and a race track for the cars. Then the tall bottles of organic oil and balsamic vinegar, and the little mermaid lolipop was in the treasure chest. The bottles of oil and vinegar I wrapped separately. And then I bought him a new sword because someone told me another kid or someone took his other sword. I was told it was "lost" but I don't believe it. It was stolen. No kid "loses" a sword. So I bought him a new one called just "medieval sword" and I was going to mail a copy of King Arthur & His Knights (for children) as well, but I didn't have time so I figured I would send a copy some other time but thought he might enjoy hearing the stories as I did when I was a little girl and have some ideas for play. I saw a copy, an older vintage hardback at a bookstore but I wanted to mail things in time and didn't have a chance to pick it up so I decided Stuart Little could be his main book for the treasure chest and he likes him so much I gave him the chapter book to be read to him. I was able to send a lot of movies because I found them at Goodwill. I tried to combine some thrift stuff that was cheap with the other things.

I also bought him a very large tractor that was green and yellow but for some reason, I think maybe it didn't arrive or was stolen from my locker. Because I had everything in my locker and I can't remember actually wrapping it up like I did the other things. But I bought it. I will have to buy a new one if I find out he never got it.

I also found out his shoes are on the way.
I just got out my Bible to look up a few verses, after switching my music from Skillet genre to maranatha worship and the first thing I turned to was Ecc. 3, "For everything there is a time" and then the second thing I turned to randomly, was "Jesus the Bread of Life" from John 6:25-59. Right after looking up wiki and other sources about bread.

At some point I'm going to get a new Bible I think. This one is small and getting worn but I'll keep it for a little while.

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