I don't know if it was really a "premonition" or what, but for the first time that I can think of, I thought of music playing a certain way before it ever played that way.
It was last night, and a talented pianist came to speak and play and at one point he said, "Close your eyes and just think of the Lord" and I closed my eyes and was focusing but then decided, "No, don't try for anything, just enjoy the music and let it wash over you and don't think of anything."
So I did and then I guess I imagined what I would do with the piano playing, the same way I sometimes see dance choreography and gymnastics routines, and things, or like to imagine movement to the music. This time I imagined movement in the music itself and he was playing this tinkling blues measure, and then I got, in my head, this other interruption and I don't know how to describe it, but then, for the first time all night, he played it.
He played it exactly the way I imagined, just about 1 minute later. I couldn't believe it.
He was playing a song that wasn't anything I'd heard before and there were no words, just piano playing, and then I heard, or imagined, in my mind's eye (or ear), this kind of stacato tapping of several keys at once. Like, playing a chord by pressing down on the keys several times, without anything happening with the other hand and just both hands pressing down on a chord repeatedly, up and down the keys, and the sound and effect and the rhythm was EXACTLY what I imagined in my mind.
It was either a direct premonition of how the music was going to be played, or HE was somehow psychic and read from my mind what I was imagining. And then played it as a response to what I thought.
It was the most astounding musical premonition I've ever had.
Then, after he did it this one time, I opened my eyes and was just staring. He moved on to play something else and then I later closed my eyes and imagined the same thing and right after I imagined it a second time, he did it AGAIN, as if he had just read what I thought, or I somehow knew what was ahead again. And this time he played it that way several times, the way I imagined.
It was precisely what was in my mind. Precisely.
I know how to anticipate chord changes and the direction of music just from coming from a musical family and having an intuition about it, but I have never foreseen a progression or change in the rhythm of the music before.
It was so exact that I really thought, "I am not sure if I am having music premonitions or if this other man is psychic and read what I thought."
If I have ever done this before, I don't recall when. It wasn't an anticipation of the music changing, as musicians would understand. I mean, musicians will know what I'm saying when I say you can anticipate a progression or change in music. It's sort of this just...I don't know, sometimes there are several different directions music could take and you can even imagine all the possibilities.
But this was different. It wasn't really something that was a typical progression. It wasn't how the melody changed, because the melody was the same. It was the ________ don't know the word for it. It was the break in the style of playing. It was like going from playing blues by chopin to chopsticks right in the middle of the measure and it fit, but there was no way to anticipate this musically.
And I somehow heard it or imagined it like that, before he played it. And he played the notes and style and rhythm the way I imagined it. And not just once, right after I thought it, but twice and there was no logic to it.
Okay, here it sort of is. The song from Delirious that just came on, through Pandora, the song is called "Wonder" and at the start there is a drum beating and that was the way the chords were played. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8. tap-tap-tap-tap. Sort of to the timing of the seconds on a clock and it was just the chord.
So if you can imagine, it was out of the ordinary. He's playing along and I suddenly "heard" this tap-tap-tapping and then he played: tap-tap-tap-tap-tap just the way I foresaw it being played but there was no musical cue that could have tipped me off in the natural, and he hadn't played anything like that prior to that moment. Then he quit and played along and I imagined the exact same thing and then he did it again but for a longer period of time.
His message was about how he had been in a lot of bands and after 20 years or so, became a christian. He said he was sealed into a contract and his band members told him he couldn't break it but he said, yes I can, and he broke his contract and got out. And then he said, just as he was regaining his sanity, they thought he was losing his mind.
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I also had insight into my son. I saw someone wanting him to extend his pinky finger out to the side and it wasn't my family. But I saw this, and they were telling him to do this and then in one of the photos that was sent to me, he is photographed doing this and I know that he didn't do it of his own accord.
My family might not have even noticed, but I noticed, because I already knew someone was coaching my son to do this and then I got a photo of proof of this.
I want my son BACK and I want others to leave my son alone to be free and develop normally and naturally. I also had this knowledge of my son and what someone was telling him to do, weeks ago, about the time the photo was taken.
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I had a dream about my new lawyer, the one asssigned to my "Appeal". My entire dream that I remembered, was about her--Jennifer Winkler. I don't remember all of it now, but it was a very detailed dream about me and her and the case with my son. In my dream she had brown hair but I don't know what she looks like.
I don't know that I can recall what it was completely about now but it was very conflicted. I tried to remember but I don't remember anything now. I didn't keep it in my mind for more than an hour...or the details. Usually if I contemplate it later I'll remember a dream but all I remember of this one was that it was about her, me, my case, and some other people and another woman too. And then it was dark lighting throughout and there were different houses.
I woke up wondering thinking about the conversation I'd had with her yesterday.
I asked why no one contacted me and just filed a brief without even talking to me first. She said they tried to contact me but had the wrong address and then there was a typo. She said they didn't need to contact me because they had the record and had to go off of this. I said she didn't know if they had the full record without talking to me first and that some appeals are made by discovery of new evidence or because the State withheld evidence. She said this wasn't true and it wasn't stated in the record. Then I said she didn't even know if the record or transcript was correct if she hadn't talked to me. And I said something about reasonable representation I think.
This morning I was thinking, "I know there is something in the record about my complaint of not having "reasonable representation" because I filed this.
I also filed a document asking for the recusal of Judge Hotchkiss and later someone told me this was missing from the file. I had filed for Judge Hotchkiss' recusal when my public defender Paul Cassel, at the time, refused to do it. So I did it, and then later I was told it wasn't even in the record or public file at all.
The only reason this might be missing from the public record is if the Judge or someone at the courthouse decided it would make the public defender and Judge look bad if I could show I had asked for his recusal and he refused, and then proceeded to discriminate and demonstrate bias that adversely affected the outcome of the case. Judge Hotchkiss proceeded to refuse to allow Change of Venue when I filed for this (and this may be another document that is missing from the record which I filed myself because Cassel refused). I asked specifically for Change of Venue and it was refused and as a result, the entire case was prejudiced and it was Judge Hotchkiss that HANDED my son to the State by hanging up on me in a hearing to let them win by default. I was later refused discovery and documents I needed to appeal this decision. They never arrived until past the filing date and then they were stolen.
The fact that this document is missing from the record indicates other things may be missing as well and that there was no true safekeeping of the evidence.
I also know for a fact that the AG offices withheld evidence they were required to give to the defense. They admitted they had taken photos, for one thing, and didn't turn this over to the defense. It's on the record. They also didn't turn over my son's medical records to the defense as I asked. Even if the AG had decided they couldn't "use" the photos they had, to their own advantage, they were required to turn this over to the defense and they did not.
On that point alone, that the AG withheld evidence and this was not discovered until later, and could not have been known earlier, is grounds for Appeal.
I also gained discovery that proves the AG had constructed and conspired to have my child removed from me when I was in Canada and falsified reports in order to make their case. I have tried to obtain FOIA and discovery about who was involved and this was kept from me as not even one of my public defenders worked to get this material.
I also stated that "Reasonable Representation" is a right in the State of Washington, and instead of focusing on this, as the lawyers could have done, they focused on the argument that it was my own "behavior" that led to my firing and the withdrawal of so many attorneys. My argument about not being provided with "reasonable representation" is in the record and something that this firm could have used.
Had this law firm called me first, they could have discussed with me what the different options were for making a case for Appeal and instead they slipped in their Appeal with zero consultation from their client first. They said they had a "deadline" but they could have filed for a continuance to talk with me first, stating they had not been able to get ahold of me.
I have still not, to date, ever had a response from Judge Edward Shea about my request for Injunction to prevent the discontinuation of visits with my son and to request New Trial.
These people stalled and harmed me and my son, and allowed torture of us both in order to allow others to get what they wanted. After they got what they wanted, they have then rushed to push forward an argument for Appeal to trap me again, in order to keep me from moving out to a different location or in order to rush-order the Appeal process so the courts can refuse to Appeal and then hurridly adopt my son out.
Either way--they win.
They either trap me to be forced back to Wenatchee which is impossible as I am not responsible, as a victim of torture and harassment, corruption and crime, to be under the chains of those who are corrupt and criminal, OR
They refuse to appeal and rush out orders for my son to be adopted out from under me.
These are NOT realistic and "justifiable" options. The only RIGHT course is to scrap the fraudulent CPS case, and look under this paperweight, to what lies beneath.
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