Thursday, May 19, 2011

This Morning (my phone)

Last night my cell phone fell out when I was getting things out of my locker. I realized I didn't have it but I thought about it and had a good sense of energy...someone who was honest was going to pick it up and turn it in for me and I asked God to bless them for this.

So instead of racing back to retrieve it, I rested in knowing it was in safe hands.

So I proceeded to the bus rather than go back, get the phone, and miss the bus. The feeling never changed and this morning I sat at the bus station and still felt this assurance my phone was waiting for me at the lost and found at the gym.

Then, about 15 or 20 minutes before I got there, the feeling changed. Someone took my phone! I had this bad feeling. So I thought, "Oh no, someone either took it or moved it, but I have a bad feeling." I got to the gym and found out from a guy there that yes! my phone had been there that morning and then someone came in and moved it.

So it wasn't stolen, but I somehow knew someone moved it. And I wasn't able to get it right away and told I'd have to go back and pick it up in a few minutes.

But I'll have it back. Thank you God and God bless those who didn't steal it. Really.

What was strange was that I felt the energy shift as soon as my phone was moved. I was told it was my cell and an ipod and then they were moved to a safe or something. Sort of odd how I sensed things.

I don't do this very often. It's rare.

When I was thinking about my cell and going back for it last night I felt this reassurance and then I wasn't looking for any kind of spiritual direction, but my Bible was on my knee as I sat to wait for the bus and I looked down and it said, "I will make you the head and not the tail." I just thought, "Go with this feeling and trust God." It was a section in the Bible about I will mkae you the head and not the tail and the top and not the bottom if you follow me."

I decided, "My cell phone is fine. If God says I am going to be the head and not the tail, who cares about a cell phone even if someone did steal it?" And I wondered what it meant but it really stood out to me, sort of jumped out of the pages and I thought, "I wonder if it's because I mentioned the painting I made? why would this be the case?" So I just thought, okay, and walked forward.

This morning while I sat at the bus stop...I guess I want to talk about things I've read in the Bible recently or things that have been revealed or I have understood in a new way. There have been a lot of great things.

I also have had in my heart the men that were trying to get into the U.S. and paid $7,000 each. These are the things that I woke up thinking about.

I had just looked up a link to Mexico news that came to my inbox and then read the news.

First, I'll write about this morning. I sat on the wall and since I had time until the bus came, and wasn't in a hurry to get my cell, knowing it was safe...I sat and read some new passages. I read one about a king I had forgotten about.

Everything I read this morning was about choosing a leader, a "king". It was random too. I first turned to this story about how an entire royal family was going to be killed. So almost everyone was killed but someone hid this boy, a little boy and prince, in the temple while the woman ruled. The woman had ordered everyone to be killed because her own son was killed. And then she became ruler. So this boy grew up in the temple...Joash I think (will have to look again) and he was successfully hidden. When he was 7 years old, he was brought out and a crown was set upon his head. Everyone was shocked that there was this hidden king or ruler (royal) who had escaped his fate. They woman saw him and shrieked, "Treason!" and then she was killed. But this hidden royal was crowned as a child, and ruled. I thought about how shocking this would have been, sort of like Moses in a way, where this kid pops up and everyone thought the whole family had been killed off. I guess I sort of thought briefly about Philip being hidden in the fruit box. I mean, ever since reading this, I felt suprised. But I wonder if there are others out there. Wouldn't it be shocking and fantastic to discover there is some hidden person out there with a big claim to something, by some sort of right?

Then, after reading this in the Old Testament, I flipped at random to the New Testament. I was on this section where after Judas died, they had to select a new leader and they asked God to search the hearts. They were trying to decide between 2 men who were both good, and served God, and they all prayed and then cast lots and the lot fell to Matthias. And he took the place of the other apostle or disciple who was not with them any longer.

I then thought about "lots". Both of these men were good men, and probably casting a lot works sometimes but what if, sometimes, can't it go wrong sometimes?" I always wonder about this. We're supposed to use good judgment but then sometimes it's probably okay to look for a sign. However, I think good judgment or knowing someone is better than trusting all form of lots because maybe some things are not from God but are deceptive. I guess it's a toss-up.

Then I prayed, and then when I got to the Y I pulled out a verse and it was a scripture about children being a crown. It says "Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers." Proverbs 17:6

Anyway, I hadn't read the story of Joash for a long time. I read about Josiah (right?) and thought he was the young king who was crowned but then I think I read he wasn't actually 7, he was a different age.

The other things I've read lately are about Solomon and thinking about Egypt. At one time, strange to think, Israel and Egypt were joined together through marriage. Solomon married an Egyptian woman, a daughter of Pharoah, so some of the Egyptians have King David's bloodline through this intermarriage. So I was thinking about how some of the "Israelite-Egyptians" were maybe even black or looked black and then with all the early American sentiment about Israel, they enslaved the black or even those with a "touch of color".

Probably by this time, everyone is intermarried with just about everyone, no matter what race you are.

I also read about (in the last few days), oh I don't know, I guess I'll write more later. I've read a lot of different things lately.

Oh! how there is this saying, if you have favor, "Anything up to half of my kingdom will be yours" and how, one day I came across a parallel of how Queen Esther asked for the salvation of her people, after her husband had drinks with her enemy to seal an order of fate and then by contrast, how this dancer Salome, won the favor of the king to where he promised her up to half of his kingdom (this is probably why they say don't be given to drink) and she asked for John the Baptist's head. He didn't want to do it, but felt he had promised so did. I thought how strange, that these 2 different women were given the same power to have whatever they wanted "up to half the kingdom" and one was asking only for the death of an innocent and good man and the other was asking for the salvation of innocent people.

And then I also read about how one time Solomon's mother, or one of the wives of David, came to him asking for a favor. Solomon was so respectful to his mother that instead of the woman bowing before the king, the king bowed to his mother. He said, "Up to half of my kingdom" and his mother asked for him to allow his brother, her son, to marry this one woman. Instead of honoring his promise, he became enraged and flew off the handle and ordered his brother to be killed, saying, "HOW DARE he ask such a thing!" and he had his own brother killed.

I thought, shocked, what in the world? and then thought, or reasoned, it must have been because Solomon knew his brother was plotting against him, to use a marriage as a way to usurp his brother's power. There had to be something very deceitful about it and was using the mother to try to manipulate control on his behalf.

This was one time where the reassurance of favor was going to backfire in the end, because someone was aware of a devious strategy or motive behind the pressure and request.
Last night in chapel I didn't sing or watch anything. I just kept my eyes closed but felt a powerful energy the whole time. There was a small "other" interference, but I didn't want anything to break the flow of the Holy Spirit and just absorbed it and thought about idle things and then sent back blessing to those who thought to bless me and my son and family and for those whose prayers made God and the Holy Spirit so glad as to be felt and known. It is NOT about "Feelings" all the time and I am not swayed by emotion, but it is nice to sometimes notice the Holy Spirit after a lousy day. Then I turned my idle thoughts and basking in the feeling, to direct glory to God and said all my thoughts to God, of honor and glory and power and all creation give thanks and praise to him. I visualized myself kneeling, even if I couldn't kneel there, and demonstrated my thoughts for honor by thinking of myself on my knees with my forehead to the ground. Maybe sometimes God wants someone to just kneel, no matter where they are and who is looking. And other times, maybe it's something to visualize or think about in our own minds and we can show God how we feel and the respect we would give, through our thoughts. One of my favorite sayings, lately, in the psalms, is "O my Strength." OH MY Strength! I really love this. I just looked through the psalms to see where it's mentioned because I love reading it and have read it often but I only find it in Psalm 59 at the end. Something wells up in me when I read it and say it, "O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God." In the King James it is "Unto thee O my Strength, will I sing; for God is my defence and the God of my mercy." I just found it by searching online, in Psalm 18:1, "I love you, O Lord, my Strength." Psalm 59:9 mentions it again. I like it as "O my Strength." To me, it's like saying, "O my love" and meaning it with feeling but it is O my Strength, as in, you are not just someone I love, you ARE love are not just strength, you are Strength as a person. O my Strength, when I am weak and all fail, you are a rock that cannot and shall not be moved. I like the ones that say "He is my strength" and "the Lord is my strength" but these are verses directed as proclamations to others sort of. and "O my Strength" is straight to God, in a conversation.

I didn't have any impressions and wasn't asking for any impressions. I did briefly see (sort of) a bunch of women raising their hands straight out to God, and a lot of them, and I saw women mainly, I thought, with maybe headscarves on. I think it was my imagination though. It wasn't really clear.

I was trying to find quotes where maybe other people have used this, and been very inspired by it, and I found Tennyson first, but in a different sense: "My strength is the strength of 10 because my heart is pure." But I want to find more quotes and mentions using this to refer to God in times of trial. Psalm 22:19. This one, I just found, and is one I have reflected on a lot. I love this psalm. It is about "people stare and gloat over me. They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing. But you, O Lord, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me. Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs."

Oh dear me. I found Sir Galahad. I was looking for quotations and mentions of "My strength" and I found the poem that the Tennyson quote is from. It's from "Sir Galahad" and is about, well, of course, WHAT ELSE?

Der Holye Graille.

It starts out with Sir Galahad and his sword, and moves on trying to echo the thrill in his heart, of having visions, smelling perfumes, and finding the holy grail and defending it with singleness of heart. The jubilance of his tone is right. Now I have to look up the wiki on Galahad.

I read about him and then went to the wiki on the poem. They described it as "cheerful" and I said "jubilant". eh eh?

I just posted something else and someone erased it. I wrote that I disagree with the writer on wiki that he is "prideful" because if someone is able to embrace what things they are given and see, why shouldn't they be both descriptive and embracing and amazed at the same time? It's like Joseph with the Technicolor coat, who was innocently and excitedly describing what was shown to him, and yet it was the jealousy of others that led them to assume he was proud.
On the IMF chief, I don't know what to think. He may have been set up, and he may be guilty. The only reason I say set up is because if he was expected to run for French President, this would be a great way to ruin him. I have been personally falsely charged with crimes and misdemeanors I never came close to committing and if the right people want to set you up, they can and will. I am also a survivor of sexual assault where police did nothing about it and punished me rather than the man, I think, because 1/2 of them are guilty of doing the same thing in college--date rape. So I see both sides very clearly. And I know it is not impossible for either case to be true.

If he was naked, where was the weapon with which he held this woman hostage? He emerged naked, and chased her down the hall, naked, with no knife or weapon and she didn't know how to run out of the hotel room? If he was stronger than her, I can understand this. But how does one force a woman to perform oral sex unless he has a weapon or is holding her by the hair or harming her while naked?

I believe in women, and I also know what has happened to me. When I was raped, I didn't struggle to get away after it was clear he was getting more violent and forceful and I knew he had a knife with him. There was no one to hear me scream even though I tried to yell and to get out with my life, I tried to "play dead" after he refused to listen to me telling him to "Stop" , and "NO!" and "Get off of me!" and repeatedly trying to push him away. He knew I was a virgin and since Lake Oswego police were around at the time he took me to the park, and acted like they knew him, I believe it was political. I was raped for political reasons and I believe Mossad or some other group was directly involved. This is a man who raped me when it was known that I was a virgin and I was saving myself for marriage. If I was 24 years old and had gone that long, dating so many different men and keeping to myself, I could have gone a lot longer. I was 24 years old, attractive, talented, and smart, and I was a virgin.

This man started working in the tutoring center, after I was working there, I believe. I had just finished working for the Rabbi Rose and Lorraine Rose and went from working for them to college. They fired me when they said they didn't like the fact that I was going to college and they couldn't call me to be there at any hour. They knew I was a virgin. They had ties to Washington D.C. and to England. Lorraine's sister still lived in England and came for a visit and checked me out. Their father had done political work in England, paying work, and they had a certificate of thanks for his work, from the English government or royals. Lorraine kept telling me to "date" and I didn't want to live with someone or date in the way she suggested. She knew I was a virgin because I told her when the Monika Lewinsky trial came out, and I didn't want to watch coverage about a "penis" and such things, because I didn't watch "R" movies and I was a virgin. I worked for them in 1997 after working at a computer company. I remember the news about Diana and Mother Theresa happening while I worked at the computer company, I think. I was then offered this job through a woman at my church who worked for the Rabbi and she knew me and picked me out and said, "I am quitting and want to train you to work for them instead of me, if you want the job." I didn't apply for it or answer an ad. I was picked out and offered the job and I took it. I was raped while still working for the Roses. I am pretty sure but I would have to think. I started college and was taking classes I think and then I met him through the tutoring center where a Jewish woman was my supervisor. When the Willamette Week article came out, it was both Jews and Catholics working against me because before the article, I finally decided to go to police about the rape. Defaming me in such a manner, not only was a favor to some Jewish but also to Catholics involved in litigation against me. They have worked together, against me and then tried to bring others into the matter as well, to cover for themselves.

There is not ONE single man who will ever come forward to say I had intimate contact with him prior to this time, because there was never any incidence. Until I was 24 years old, I had kissed one man in my entire life. Robin Bechtold. We did a little more than kiss, maybe, a couple of times, but I was a virgin. I never once did anything, at all, with anyone else. I have a whole line-up of men I dated, for months, who will testify this is true. Bryan Parker never even got a kiss and I dated him more than anyone.

I was raped for political reasons and then I was defamed in the Willamette Week, for political reasons. I never before thought it was political until something came together for me, in the last week and I realized, "There was something else going on. It wasn't just his impulsive wish to rape you, it was planned and purposed and was for some larger group's interests." And then they tried to cover everything up.

The Portland detective dropped his investigation the minute the Willamette Week article came out. He said no one would believe me because I was portrayed as trying to seduce a monk and writing sexually explicit email (which I never did). And then, when I went to find out who owned the Willamette Week, I was finding out it was not just Catholics but Jewish people who were refusing to make retractions to the article and forcing me to sue. It was, I believe, owned by a Jewish family (the paper).

A few things seemed a little bit strange to me, later, as well. His car, for example. He said it wasn't "his" car and it was some older white sedan but sort of a sporty style. I never thought a thing about it until later, like years later when I was researching Diana (P. Di) and thought, "This car that was burnt up that belonged to the journalist looks like the same kind of car Joshua was driving." I thought this, but didn't make any other ideas out of it.

There were some people in England who knew who I was all the way back in 1997. Because if Lorraine Rose had ties to England, and her father had been a political worker there, they would be interested in me. And so would Mossad. Rabbi Rose went to D.C. and gave media speeches all the time and had an Israel interest so it's not like I was just working for Jo Schmo.

I had Jewish and Catholics working together, against me. Period. Which is why I need someone who works in the U.S. offices who is not connected to these groups, to start listening to me and figuring out who has been defaming me and setting me up to be discredited, and intimidated other family members as well. I want an investigation and I want my son returned to me.

Anyway, this other man, the French guy, comes out stark naked and does some kind of Steve Martin flying leap across the couch to pin her down?

If he used other forms of brutal force or power and was just stronger or saying horrid things, I can understand, but no maid would just automatically submit to this, especially not knowing his position. If she didn't know his position, there was no power imbalance except in that she knew he was rich enough to afford such a penthouse.

I think either case is possible and maybe there is more information to come out about the case. Even if he didn't do this, it is possible he did something else that really angered someone or some group enough that if they couldn't "get him" for the one thing, they were trying to get him for something else.
Today, while in the gym, I stood at the mirror for a minute doing my make-up and this woman came over and I knew she was Jewish and didn't like me. I just "knew". So I asked God to show me something and I opened my Bible and it fell to Mark 7. The passage about the "clean" and the "unclean" (and who the hypocrites are). I nodded in my heart to God, and closed it up and walked out. I sensed bad or sad energy in the gym this morning so I left, to go back and pick up my phone later.
I just asked God, just now, what I should share or write, and asked to open to the right thing and I opened to the 2 Samuel, "David's Song Of Praise". I got this same thing last night while lying in bed with a cover over my head and I got this same song, but a different section.

I have not just been on the run from my enemies but from "Saul" basically. These Jews have been more than happy to see me sleeping in the dirt and doing almost the same thing David had to do: hide out in caves. They have showed a false face and colluded with Catholics who have used their power to harm and destroy us.
Here's one for "the pet" that your groups were willing to kill for:

I asked about Kate the other day, too, and maybe it's not correct, but it went with some impression I had on another occasion, that she wasn't faithful. I saw her with a dark haired man. When I asked about her the other day, and if God wanted her to have children, I got a verse about giving an unfaithful woman water that was cursed and if her belly swells from it and she dies, she is guilty of adultry and if she doesn't die she is innocent. I took this to mean there is something about her that is not pure. It doesn't mean death, of course, but there is some question. I don't dislike Kate. I dislike what her supporters have done to me and my family. I have a right, every right, to be concerned, and be upset.
When a speaker came to talk about forgiveness, and letting things go and praying for your enemies, I agree to a certain extent. There is a time and season for everything. I sensed the Holy Spirit that night too. But when I asked God if this is to apply to me, and if this is what God wanted, with regard to those who have TORTURED me and my son, that's not what I sensed. One can "forgive" in the sense that one is matter-of-fact about things and not hateful or harboring a deep hatred, which is how I feel. I do not feel any hatred for anyone. But I asked and all the references I got were about "destroy the house of Ahab" (I didn't take this to mean to destroy literally), and a passage about Hezekiah and how he said, "Why should I allow my enemies to have our springs?" There were all these springs with good water flowing, and he said, "We will board them up and block them off so the enemy doesn't tkae part and come after us for them." Hezekiah forded up the springs, not because he was unwilling to share, but because the enemy already took from them and he knew they wanted to steal even more. So he said they would not give up these springs to others. II Chronicles 32.

After 10 years of trying to make peace, and having little success and instead having everything taken from me and my situation worse than ever, and after having prayed for my enemies over and over again, and seeing them turn from doing good and instead trying to bring even more people against me, why should I "let it go". The people who steal from you, love to sent messengers to preach "let it go" when they get worried they might have to return what they stole in the first place and make reparations.

One can forgive others and still not "let it go" when it comes to needing an investigation and advocacy. There are Catholics and Jewish who have used even Muslims and others, even some with no faith, to do what they wanted to achieve. Like "Jenny", for one. I asked God about her just now and got "Belshazzar". I guess she can look it up, if she knows how to read.
Maybe she could have someone explain to her what the writing on the wall says as well.

God bless those that have blessed my son and tried to help us, and God will deal with those who have betrayed us and violated our rights and the wisdom of God.

Deut. 28:13-14.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you are a very jealous woman. Your obsession with Kate Middleton is very sad. You've had this sick, romanticized idea in your head that you are diana and that you have a romantic relationship with her sons. And, you obviously see Kate as a threat to your imagined relationship.
These people are happily living their lives without the slightest idea that you exist. You are so worked up and place so much energy and time writing about people whom will never know your name nor care to.
If you truly love Oliver than you will spend your time and energy being a better person for him enstead of being bitter and hate-mongering.
Work on improving yourself. Admit that you have faults and need help. Get counciling... and enstead of bringing eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrryyyyyyyybody else into the councling, just focus on your flaws and what you need to do to improve yourself.
Nobody is going to hand you a job and a house. You need to get well and be stable, so that you can have long term employment and so that you can be a good example to Oliver.
Remember, one day he will read all of this hate you put out on the internet. And, that is all he will know of you. And, he won't trust you enough to ever want to have a relationship with you.
Every hateful thing you write on here will affect him later in life and he will grow to resent and hate you for it.