This Morning: Breath of Life & Esther

I was so exhausted this morning. I had dreams but I don't remember any of them.

I thought about what to listen to and thought it would be something besides traditional worship at first. I'm lately making most of my music worship and then a little bit of secular too, to balance it out and not lose touch of reality and other kinds of music. So this morning I prayed and had "breath of life" come to mind. The only recognizable artist that came up was Erasure. I clicked on this mix and it's different stuff.

If it doesn't come up with this mix then I will find it on youtube later.

I wanted to wear all black today. First of all, I had few options because I stayed up all night and didn't have a lot of clothes to choose from and didn't want to wear the cobalt blue dress or other dress...it's raining and cloudy here. I had to wash my jeans so I wore my black tights, with black leggings over this and I needed a skirt so I took 2 different aprons I had from my last job and I turned them inside out so it was only black facing out and I tied one on the back and one for the front and then put on a black tight turtleneck with another black turtleneck over that and then my only coat is my red fleece.

I found a pen I had forgotten to return when I borrowed it from someone at work. It is black and red and I found it today and that's what I ended up wearing today. With my black sneakers. And then I put on my red lipstick before even applying black maskara. I had my hair back wet from the shower and used foundation, lipstick and then black maskara and felt like Coulter when I walked out today and didn't feel like talking to anyone or returning any hellos. I straightened up and lengthened my spine today, with my shoulders back and extending my spine and tucking in my stomach for alignment. It felt like the right posture to take. Head up, face forward.

Then I got to a French cafe and it was playing some Freedom song. I called my aunt and uncle to find out how my son liked his gifts.

>....Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh...This is the first time I have ever seen this video. I don't even know this song and it is really weird to see this. I listened to 3 videos Pandora picked out and then was curious about why "breath of life" came to mind and what this erasure song was about.

If I'm making weird connections and parallels, first of all, this makes me think of Diana. And I wasn't thinking of her this morning. It also ma...uh...I jusst looked up and someone diagonally from me had a collage of her photos coming up. I didn't see it until I wrote the word "Diana" on my blog and I looked up and saw her face on this computer across from me to the side. It's a youtube video of just Diana with some dresses and her with kids and it's all about her. The whole thing was just her.

It just ended at 9:43 a.m with her in a white shirt or top, and a red rose next to it.

In this video there is a scene with a duck or goose or swan (?) and then a scene with a moon and it looks like this scene I saw in a painting last night that I looked at, of a white swan on a lake with trees above it and a full moon above it all. I saw it at the end of one of the halls and told my Granny about it as I approached. The moon scene in this video looks just like it.

If I have seen this before, I don't remember it. Going back to pandora now. The first one I got was something like "tomorrow" and by erasure and x one more or something like that. I went back to worship for now. "Oh Praise Him", the Glorious Unseen by Tonight The Stars Speak.

At any rate, I asked what my son thought of his gifts and he likes the Thomas train and train table best of all. I had to explain to my aunt about some clothing I had included in one of the boxes. I had to fill it out and pad it when I sent it and I had wondered if my aunt got everything because I had a feeling someone stole things. Everything she said sounded right except I asked about the sword I sent and she said it was behind the packages and she got it and it was unwrapped. I had it wrapped, if I remember correctly, in solid bright yellow wrapping paper. So I am not sure why it was unwrapped. Hmm...or maybe I had the oil and vinegar in the bright yellow paper and left the sword unwrapped. I may have done that. He wanted to open everything but she said some things had to be saved for his birthday but I'm able to send a couple of Thomas trains that fit on the tracks because right now, only his Thomas train fits. I had picked out Hiro, Molly, and another one but put them back thinking it was too much. So the only one I sent was the Thomas train and then I kept a Thomas train for myself too.

He said, "I love it!" and "I love Mama!" when he got this present, I'm told. And I am told he plays with it everyday some.

I explained the clothing to my aunt today. I told her it was just stuff I had in my locker and the girls could wash it and wear it but the shawl was for my son to cuddle in because it was soft and warm and then my aunt said, "Yeah, nothing would fit him. You sent a pair of red sweatpants but they're too big right now". They are size 7/9 boys. I had packed in a teal green long sleeved shirt (solid color), a solid yellow shirt, my soft gray shawl that I loved, and a pair of solid red boys sweat pants that had 2 white stripes on the sides. I wore them to bed myself sometimes and they were there and I put them in. I almost bought him a red sweatsuit and looked at it a long time and then was going to look for black. He looks very good in the really bright greens, blues, reds, and black. The pale colors wash him out.

Don't cry. I just had an impression of someone crying or trying not to cry. 10:10 a.m.

I am not sure where his shoes are though. I sent shoes to him and I haven't heard about them. I have to be sure my mom sent them because I asked her to and then have to pay them back because it's a credit card order. I tried to get him a red, white, and black boat (remote control) but they kept saying it wasn't available. I wanted him to have the red, white, and black boat. It was white and had red trim with a black and white checkered line too. But I settled for the blue and white boat with 2 red helmeted people. I guess he tried it out in the bathtub but he needs a pool for this.

I had to look at this song that came on because it's a worship song talking about camels. hahaha. The Camel Song by Mitch Mcvikor.

I feel so-so energy right now. This morning the vibe was down. And then when I talked to my son, it was up and up for awhile and then went down after I saw the erasure video but I don't know why.

I guess I'll do devotionals and then get to work.

I typed in "Calvary Chapel" and went to page 4 and then clicked where my arrow landed. It is a site called "Sponsor a Child" Compassion International and is about Child Poverty and Sex Trafficking in Thailand, Brazil, and Colombia. It has a symbol of a child with blue ties front and back and I saw this same symbol on the sweatshirt of a man sitting in front of me on the bus last night, but it was in red. I am looking for a message to read and when I find something I will write it out.

I just went ahead several pages at random and then scrolled to the bottom without checking and landed on an article about the same human trafficking group. The contact for this article is "Stephan Archer". May 2, 2011 at 11:00 a.m. "Releasing Children From Poverty/Compassion in Jesus' Name". The article is from Colorado Springs, CO, through Marketwire. The first one I got was ...

Weird. I went back to page 4 and Google reorganized all the content. It's not there but it was just there under the official Compassion website through FL. That was the first one I got. Let me find it again. It was also dated May 2, 2011.

I found the main site and then under it was something about a Calvary Chapel in some town called black-something or other and it had a photo of the golden dome in Jerusalem on the site. I looked at the weekly sermon but it was one you have to listen to instead of read so I skipped several pages and ended up landing on the exact same Compassion International article, but through a different site.

I then clicked randomly on a different Calvary chapel site and it was from W.Texas and on this I went to the tab for "Women of the Chapel" and when I clicked, the verse that came up before the computer shut down was from Proverbs: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30. From the Calvary Chapel Wesst Texas.

I went to "Breath of Life" listed by Among the Thorns and it's worship music. Then I went to South Hill Calvary Chapel at random and it names the verse from Galatians 2:20. I am crucified with Christ. But still no sermon that I can read.

Got St. Charles. St. Charles First Assembly of God. It has a redhaired woman holding a baby girl and a man with blond hair at the top. Sort of different. Never heard of an Assemblies church going by a Saint name! The verse is, "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God." John 1:1. Lots and lots of verses and pages about the Bible and the word of God. They are starting a series with Nehemiah on rebuilding and a the bottom a big thumbs up from a Jesus statue. It has a stigmata or holes in the wrists of Christ and a big heart thing. It says "Just Like Jesus!"

By the way, my cut on my forehead is pretty much healed now. It will probably be invisible by tomorrow. Not that mine is stigmata of course, but this statue made me think of that.

I went to a Grand Junction site for 1st assembly and still couldn't find any sermon so I am switching to Anglican to see what I get. I finally got a sermon called "Who Are You Looking For?" from an anglican site, the Levin Anglican Church. From April 24, 2011. Peter Speaks to Cornelius Acts 10:34-43; Col 3:1-4; John 20:1-18.

The First Day Of A New Life, A New Era.

It is about Mary as a disciple of Christ and the grief of losing Jesus and then how Jesus is resurrected and appears to her. The church is located in New Zealand.

I was moved to click on a video clip. And I don't know why but I almost started to cry. It is of adult baptisms in a river to the music of "Everytime I Look At You" by David Gray.

I cannot find any sermons in print so I decided to go for an audio sermon. I thought of "pentecostal church" in Scotland and went to the most recent sermon which is listed as from esther 7, which is what I was led to on that same day (when I was crying because I didn't know how to help my family). So I clicked on the audio for this. It's from the church.

The title is: "How to answer the Question." It is from the The Pentecostal Church of God, Nairn. (Services in Rosebank Hall, Academy Street, Nairn).

No, wait. I went to my Bible to check to see which chapter it was and I knew I could find it because I had put honeysuckle inbetween the pages. I found it and the honeysuckle was pressed and I had landed on Chapter 4 and then read up from there, on that day. I will say this--honeysuckle doesn't press very well. The leaves are still green but the flowers are yellow and brown.

The preacher is talking about how we can help eachother "...Whether we are in Scotland or America."

He says "Sinful decisions (and laws) can ruin people's lives..." Haman was a man who liked to celebrate when others were suffering.

"The truth will always come out--if God is for us, who can be against us?

Then he says something I don't understand. He says there is a lady with Satanists in her family in America praying against it, how can we be afraid?

??? I am not sure who this church believes the Satanist lady in America is...? Did they have a problem in their church? He makes some mention of a satanist woman in America who has satanists in her familly that pray against christians.

He talks about how our best friend can be our enemy. He talks about we confuse the enemy with the friend. He said sometimes things can be revealed which shock us.

Everything this man is saying sounds like things my Dad would say but the one part that stands out and sounds so weird is first how "Americans and Scottish can help eachother" and then how there is some "American lady who is a Satanist and has satanists praying against them." ?!

He goes on to say be careful not to be tricked or deceived. I will try to find out which section it's at. I went back and back trying to hear it again and figure out who in the world would think there is a "Satanist" and a whole family praying against Scotland or Scotland's Esther. ? I mean, I would like to know who this satanist is. OHH! I went back to it and heard it clearly for the first time. He says,

"And as we think about that lady in America, and the Satanists praying against her family..." So he is referring to Satanists praying against an American woman and how if God is for us, who can be against us. It is at 14:08, "No one can go against the people of God. Woebetide you if you go against them. Then he says if God is for us, who can be against us and that lady in America--she has nothing to fear."

So he goes on to say the King didn't realize the man trying to destroy Esther was his trusted friend, even his best friend. She says, "He is your enemy." Then he says, "Sometimes in life, people can't tell their friends from their enemies...so often in life, your friend who speaks the truth becomes your enemy. And the one who says nice words but stabs you in the back becomes your friend and we get our friends and enemies mixed up... Sometimes God tells us things we don't like. When the truth is spoken, we are free. We are no longer in bondage. He talks about how we can be distracted and tricked and deceived.

...God is there, He is working behind the scenes. Sometimes we can't see him but God is there. He talks about how it is for an innocent person to be falsely accused or charged. Psalms 7 says "His mischief will turn upon his own head." He says how do we conclude? We need to be very careful in how we treat those who love the Lord. He says even if it looks like we're out of time, God's timing is perfect.

J Derek Grant and Gabi Grant are the leaders and have ministered in Germany, Austria, and Africa.

Well so I decided to play "Scottish worship" and they didn't have this so I hit on "A Scottish Soldier" and got this really crazy song!!!! "Guru" by Skip Bifferity from The Story of Skip Bifferity. Hmmm. Didn't want that at all, but scottish worship. Then Linda Rondstat. But I like this song so I am going to listen to this, "Faithless Love" and then go to scottish worship. I looked for scottish worship and thre's nothing but Andrew Mitchell who I tried to look up and Pandora doesn't have him yet. So I listened to part of "the key" from 1972, which I liked and then went to Scottish country-dances and am on "O'er the Muir"--Amang the Heat by Alasdair Fraser. I really like this, with the fiddle.

Then I got "Everyday Is Always The Same" by Jeff Who.

Probably need energizing music right now. This is a good song to hear right now. I have to mention this other song too, because I liked it "The Red Kiss" by The Aikui from Kitsune Maison: compilation 10, the fireworks issue. Like "Dragons" by The Green Children. Swinging my foot and pretty good dance song. "Lay All Your Love On Me" by Information--nice whip action. Maybe it's a sword or something. "Annie Would I Lie To You" by Iris on Disconnect (some man jumping up and down and shaking head down with somewhat longish hair, I think blond). Straight blond hair and thin guy or m-thin. Maybe from a diffeent country I don't know. Maybe here. Music and Lights by Imagination from Night Dubbing. I really like this and it's 70s music. Clicked past some stuff to WHAM! "Everything She Wants". I will never get tired of this song.

I had a coincidental fusion with my "ClubSanDisk" and my "club music."

I bought a D drive thing for my computer to store documents and I hadn't used it yet. Was carrying it around and it's a SanDisk, black with a white slider to push the metal part in or out for plugging in. So I had on this club music and it was when I was on the 70s song Music and Lights that I finally got up the energy to take the thing out and plug it in and it came up with this title: "Club Application". I don't know why that cracks me up but it does. First I see some guy rocking out, in an impression, and then I'm on club music and I finally take this thing out to make a resume for applications for work and it comes up "club application". And Club SanDisk too.
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I read a few more of the articles about Osama and it's depressing to me. This morning a woman in the bathroom said she was glad it happened and that they caught it through waterboarding and torture of people in Cuba. I snapped that torture is never justified. She said, "Do you know how many people were killed in the U.S.?" and I said, "Not nearly as many as their people have died and why should you think that God thinks our people are more important? They're all God's people and God gives them the spirit of life."

I will write more about what torture has been done to me and my son tomorrow and by who. Right now I'm tired and I have to find work tomorrow too. If the U.S. was trying to "get at" someone who cared about me and my son, they have used me and my son and caused the suffering of many people just to poke and prod at someone. I think it's very sad. My son doesn't have any protection or help from the U.S.

At least people in other countries cared about my son and knew what was going on.