The Very Thought Of You (music)

Last night I was curling my hair with rollers and sitting on my bunk and this Billie Holiday song came to my mind: "The Very Thought Of You."

I hummed it the entire time I curled my hair. I haven't forgotten my idea to curl my hair all the time now, but I had slacked because I was too exhausted physically. I did it on one day after not getting any sleep for 48 hours, and it felt good, and then it was flat about 30 minutes later in the morning after I took it out of rollers. What was the point? but I was still glad I did it. Then, I just gave myself a break.

I didn't even know if it would stay curled today but it's holding up without any hairspray. I cannot stand my hair right now because I've lost half of it and it's long and looks awful without being curled or up on my head.

Then while writing this last post, I wrote everything to Frank Sinatra and Harry Connick Jr. style songs, which was odd, and gave my entire writing a melancholy feel.

I couldn't remember any of the words last night so I put it on just now, Billie Holiday. And now playing Etta James' version because I haven't heard it before.

I had this movie come to mind too, but it's from a long time ago, and I don't remember the plot except that it's something about a man who was frozen in time and then comes back to life. I think Mel Gibson plays the man and there is some scene where the woman is in a shadowed house listening to Billie Holiday music. I looked it up and I think it's called "Forever Young".

So I listened to a lot of old music this music and then looked up Billie Holiday music and then went to "Forever Young" feat. JZ. Listened to one with a car on the video and then found the official video with JayZ and Mr. Hudson.
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Someone doesn't like something I wrote because someone came in here and started doing something that affect my headphones, which has been done in the past, but not for awhile.

I really don't care.

I was doing nothing wrong when people were poisoning me, chasing me, lying about me, and torturing both me and my son. No one would have done this if I had been doing something bad. They were afraid of the good in me, not the bad. I was doing something right and that's why people went after me.

I'm not afraid of you.

I've seen what you can do, but I'll bet you one thing--you have not yet seen what God can do and I have seen just a small glimpse of what God can do and know what He sees. If you want to fight me and torture me and my son, you are picking a fight with God. If it doesn't catch up to you now, it will.

I am looking up news and listening to music now. There are still easter ads up. An ad came up that said, "While you're looking for eggs, Jesus will be looking for you!" I am just wondering why there are still Easter ads up. I was thinking about fertility clinics recently, just yesterday, and wondering why a few of them said they were interested and then never got back to me about it...I wasn't looking for eggs myself but had been willing to be a surrogate.

It didn't matter what I did. The U.S. has allowed criminals and others to block my every honest effort to do anything. The only thing they didn't want to block was anytime someone thought it would be fun to use and exploit me. I was blocked from being a surrogate but someone wanted to take my own genetic material (my eggs) when I was told the only way to get a discrimination complaint about housing going was to pay the same amount I would get from this.

I was told I would get $4,000 for an egg donation and I said no I wasn't comfortable with this. However, then at the same time I had no housing and had just been discriminated against by State, local, and federal groups, over a federally funded program that should have paid for my housing. Instead, they forced me into a position to either donate my genetic material and be paid $4,000 which the lawyers then said they would use to get me back into housing, or have nothing and live with Army connected people who tortured me. It didn't matter if they used me for my eggs, or if they used me for military research, they wanted to exploit and use me.

Then I just recently wanted to have my hair analysed and examined and the man who said he could do the forensics tried to tell me it was going to cost the amount of money he assumed I had made at work (which I don't even have). He wanted me to pay him everything I had, and I don't even know who he is, but he wanted to take all of it, just to do a forensics on hair and other things that the U.S. FBI should be doing at their labs free of charge.

Oh, I forgot to mention, but I'll go back to my post about Logan's House of Horrors. Because one thing I was trying to write that got deleted by someone, was that I wasn't written up by managers with reports that I was supposedly doing something wrong, until they got nervous that I had figured out some things. I watched this Ramirez woman try to tip off and warn people who were watching me (observing) my being tortured. I went out the back door to get plate numbers. Management freaked out about it. People go out there all the time, and out the front door too. What they freaked about was the idea they were getting caught.

When I was being tortured, I made a call to my family and let them know. Then I watched M. Ramirez leave her post at one end of the restaurant, and go all the way over to the other end of the restaurant, to what is known as "The Addition" to warn them to leave.

(by the way, someone keeps deleting what I try to write. It's happened several times).

That's when management freaked out. I called some people, to say I was going to leave and look for a new job and I started making an active search, and I said this on a phone that is/was surveilled. All of a sudden, Logan's decided to slap me with 2 reports, claiming I had commited offenses they could fire over. It was retaliatory and done out of fear. They didn't want me moving into another job while I was still in good standing with them. If I had info on them or their employees, they wanted to make me out to be a disgruntled employee first.

And Ernie was nervous and upset when he found out I had taken plate numbers. No one said anything to me about taking plate numbers, they knew I had done it but he didn't want to admit that this was concerning to them because I didn't know I was working for a bunch of traitors and criminals that were supported by some international law firm and a director who was alumni for a Benedictine Catholic college.

Jordan is close to her in some way, to Ramirez. He was soft on her. Jordan also was trying to give me ideas to go to PA and when I realized this, I realized I shouldn't go there. This other guy, Devon, who had been nice at first, worked as a designer at the hotel where their Sales woman, Kurtz, worked and she may be connected to the Diocese here.

I looked at all the problems I'd had there, and where I usually have them, and then last night I did research on the Catholic church again.

I found 03 Bonnie & Clyde by JayZ. I haven't heard this one before. Like it. I guess I'm just mixing it up a little.

I don't know why they think I shouldn't hit back after they have allowed others to torture me and my son. They have known, all along, what is going on. When I look at the catholic population it starts to make more sense why I've had problems. I'm not saying there haven't been catholics that understand me or have been on my side, but when I look at where the harassment started, it goes to the Catholic church and then I've had some weird problems with Mossad and American-Jews but it must be the way people sometimes align for different reasons.

The U.S. justice system and government has a Catholic majority. If you combine all intel, military, and the justice system, it's predominantly Catholic. Some of these catholics are the type that are very loyal to the Vatican and their church and once they decided they didn't like me, they didn't like me for good. They couldn't admit any wrongdoing by any of the people they knew so they kept trying to trap me and snow me. If the justice system and intelligence have blocked my reports and defamed me, we should ask who has control in these fields.

If I haven't been able to get justice and my every effort has been blocked, why and how are these people connected?

It has included some Jewish gangsters and others from other groups, but the people paying the money and organizing have been haters from the Catholic church who have ties to the Vatican. And these are the same people that are pulling strings in the FBI at the top and using influence in the CIA and then grabbing guns with the Pentagon (that's inbetween shuttling back and forth from the Vatican City).

Which is one reason, when asked if I would rather be intelligence for the U.S. or England, I said England. Because at least England can acknowledge The Vatican City is a political and not just "neutral" entity.

How could I work in intel, in any form, when it's Catholics who have allowed my son and I to be tortured, who are running things and pulling strings? These people have been murderers and instigators of crime. If I found out there were Protestants involved, oh you had better believe me--I would be after that. But that's not the case.

I put aside differences and ask for peace. And ask. And ask. And these people didn't figure it out. They lined up their soldiers on every single level and then paid other people to hate me and spread lies about me.

Do I love the U.S.? I love the U.S. and the people in it and what it stands for but it does not have good people backing it right now. It's tarnished by people who cannot even admit where the lines are drawn and who has the chips. Does that mean I'd rather live in England? no. I am just explaining what I know. I know there has been nothing but misery for me here and it's NOT possible unless those at the top are working out deals with the Vatican to harm me, and some Jewish are going along with it for their own interests.

Now I am taking a hard look at the latest firm to take my custody case.

(By the way, someone started up the stuff with technology that affects my headphones.)

I want to think that someone is going to help me get my son back, but without someone in the FBI investigating crime, I don't see how this is ever going to happen. I will explain in my next post about my concerns.