Drinking Your Own Poison

. My Dad got home and I was the one who started conversation.

I asked if I'd been raped as a baby and he said no, not to his knowledge, and that this OBGYN who said this was off her rocker. Then I asked about my mom and he said not to his knowledge.

Then he said it's a nice day, why don't you enjoy the weather and I said, "Who told you to say that?" and said, "If all there is left, that's good to talk about is the weather, something is wrong."

He asked what I planned to do with my life or what I thought God was telling me to do and I said, "They've taken everything. I know my son is, and they took him and they've taken everything else." He said, "Did God tell you to have a baby?" I just stared. Then he said his first baby was taken but you go on. I said, "Okay, if your first baby was murdered and then your second baby was raped, if that's true, I would say there's something in the background that's wrong." He said what did I think God wanted me to do then and something for others and I said, "I don't know. Help other MK-Ultra victims?" As I'm staring at one of them. My mom is the other one.

Then he said "You're drinking your own poison. And you're soaking in it." I said, "No, if someone's being poisoned, you are...You're the one who came home and your face was blanched." He basically used this as a metaphor for my attitude, which he said was poisoning. I said I wasn't and then he said I wanted others to and I said no I'm not." Then he said how I had wanted others dead and I said that's not true and I never asked anyone to do that for me or made orders or prayed for others to be dead and if I said anything it was out of anger when I was being tortured, like any normal person would, and I said things like "Why does this country even recognize 9-11 victims when it refuses to help the victims tortured in their own country every day...I mean, what's wrong with the FBI that they go out of their way to BLOCK me from reporting torture and harm?"

And that's what I said.

Then I tried to call my mom and it said I was calling my own line. And again, it said I was calling my own line and then I got through and asked where she was and she wouldn't tell me. So I said, "I just want to know where you are or what store, what you're doing." I said I wanted to know if they were going to costco and she said maybe, why and I said, "I want some of that bread." She said anything else and I thought about it and said, "No, that's the main thing." And then she said okay, she had to go.