Thursday, September 22, 2011

Games Availeth Nothing

Today was a whole charade game scheme again. I surmised, with what I wore supposedly symbolizing something and where I went and what I did, and instead of thinking about what I was supposed to do or how it benefited one groups game plan or idea of theatrics, I just thought about reality.

And the reality is, you can't torture my parents and not expect me to act.

It really doesn't matter what shirt I'm wearing, or where I ended up--what matters is the here and now and I really didn't care one minute what "plan", voodoo or wiccan or kabbalah scheme I matched, it doesn't mean a thing.

Every now and then there are signs maybe, but the reality of what's happening in my life is not a joke or a game. I didn't care if I looked ridiculous.

I'M the one who is being tortured and I have a right to react to that, and if I think something is happening to my family, anyone would know this would prompt me to react.

I am not "filling in for" anyone. I am myself. Wearing this shirt or that shirt doesn't mean anything. It's not s0-and-so's day one day, as if I'm representing one person one day, and then I'm supposedly representing someone else that's not me the next day.

Sometimes I've thought what I do might mean something, but no, I don't accept being used as some kind of wheel-of-fortune.

I called my mother several times today. Wouldn't you? is it childish, or wouldn't you also be afraid of what is happening? Just because I go to this place and then that place, hitting one "marker" and another, it means NOTHING.

What means something, is what is actually happening, and you push aside consideration and care about games and little predictions and plans, when people are torturing you and your family.

I walked over to check on my Dad today and 2 American Red Cross vans drove by. I have written asking for help and I felt like this was made to be a joke, with the U.S. Red Cross in town when I was likely to be checking with someone Did they visit them? not to my knowledge. They haven't even responded to my email but they had 2 large vans passing me today and I thought it's almost like mockery. Like "here we are--notice how we are going to do nothing." And I saw serious government people taking off when they figured out I was walking in.

And what was concerning to me was that the other night when I wrote my Dad's knees were totally red and looked bruised, he said he'd been on the roof fixing it, like that was why. There were white smudges on his knees, like ground in. So I wanted to see for myself what they were working on because I thought this didn't sound right.

Sure enough, it didn't add up. NO, I don't want harm to come to my family by sharing things, but I'm worried. No, I'm not sobbing and erraticly running for help because we are all in shock and have been for too long. My Dad was in that park when he said he was, that's clear. And he says what he has to say. He doesn't talk to me about anything.

But I looked around and said, "This is the roof you guys worked on?" and it's pitched and metal and one would be on a ladder the whole time, not on knees. And then the white on his knees didn't match up with anything on the roof.

I looked all the way around. I looked at all the places and nowhere, did I find a surface that one's knees could be pressed onto and get white rubbed into them somehow. And his knees were bright bright red. It really didn't even look like kneeling on something unless it had been for hours and without stop and on some kind of surface where a little bit of something white rubbed into it, or was rubbed onto it even, on purpose.

Since I've been staying at home while they've been tortured, feeling like I can't get far anyway when I have no car and by walking they can predict things ahead of time, I think someone set up a little better and then today was maybe a surprise visit. I don't know. Because normally I wouldn't even check the "working on the roof" story. I would just believe it.

But I went over there today, and no, it's not possible. It's impossible. It's a very good and perfect excuse to tell your daughter who never leaves the house, when she asks,'s perfect and makes sense.

But then I went over there today and realized people felt they had to lie because what? My dad is being interrogated or humiliated by government? What's going on or so important, that my Dad was forced to be on his knees for possibly hours non-stop, and he'd have to lie about it? It was like someone had rubbed a very bad material into his knees that was white, to cause pain or later cause problems, and then had him kneeling in it.

After I saw it was impossible with the trailer they both claimed they'd worked on all day, I went to the next one that was vacant. There was fresh white powder on the carpet. It made me think it was almost like a hard board was placed in the room, covered with some kind of poisonous powder or chemical, and my Dad was forced to kneel on it for hours.

What was going on? humiliation for someone? interrogation? or torture? what.

It wasn't cocaine, wasn't baby powder, wasn't anything normal. And it looked like whatever it was on, was a hard surface that was round.

What's that for?


Or is this kind of torture for the Obamas?

The powder on the carpet that was in sort of an outline, was like something that had spilled off a round surface that had been placed on top of the carpet.

I saw a ton of govt. agency people take off when I was approaching. And there was military all around when I got there, but some left.

Are they there to help? or harm.

I looked around at every single roof in the whole place and there was no possible way. Not only that, my Dad has been in a very horrible mood-angry, and I know what that comes's aroused by a particularly cruel and vicious form of technological torture that's extremely painful and eventually causes people to erupt into anger because it's so painful. It goes on and on and then it's so bad, you just lose it.

Seeing so many police and FBI and other govt. vehicles, along with other people who were just mean and not happy I was going to walk into something, was what made me wonder. Then there were military all around but some of them left. Did they all come into town just to check on my Dad? or have they been here and part of the reason my Dad and Mom have not been looking so good.

And what's the Red Cross doing here. 2 long vans even, if they're not helping my parents or trying to keep them from harm.

I tried to stand guard and watch out for him all day. I picked one parent because my Mom was at work most of the day today and I blogged hoping someone would watch her. But then I had to leave and I had this impression he was hit over the head, in the back, when I left, or maybe something bad was done.

My Dad said stay out of it and I'm offending their friends and I said, "THESE are your friends? you have things happening and they don't even speak up? I know people say I don't have friends and that I used to but I look back on things now and think they were probably never friends to begin with if they didn't stick with me. Sometimes it's okay to realize you have no friends and the "appearance" of having had them in the past was nothing more than appearance." I mean yeah, I think they have friends but I wonder what's going on if no one chooses to talk.

A friend sticks up for you, no matter what. No matter how it benefits you personally or to get info out of someone.

And what's happening with my son Oliver?

I'm not being interrogated and I'm still tortured, for no reason at all. And my parents have done nothing wrong. They've done what the CIA and Army tell them to do.

This "Patty" has been my mothers' "friend" for over 7 years. Was she always transporter for torture or in on it?

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