Monday

It's early Monday. 18 minutes or so until 1 a.m. I woke up on Sunday morning thinking about Carole's "skeeters" because I was writing about the mosquitoes when I was trying to think of the family (just her and her husband) and then came across some assassination of a man in Jordan, where one of the men bent over and lapped his blood, with his tongue.

The man I saw being shot, was above me (how I saw it) in some way and falling back or lying down, but I could see his back, and it moved up a little when he was shot. I didn't see anything to the head or anywhere else. I just saw it going through the back alone.

Then today I spent the full morning in prayer and singing and someone was interferring with my songs the entire time. I mean, non-stop, and I thought, who would even do this? I was playing a few worship songs on my laptop and someone kept pausing the clip and it wasn't a bad connection--someone was literally stopping and starting the clip. And usually just stopping it, I guess, in spots they thought were fun to stop at. Whoever did this, did this from 9 a.m. until 12 p.m. at least. It wasn't until after 12 or 1 p.m., that I was able to play a clip all the way through.

Then I watched part of this movie "What Lies Beneath" and now, knowing what I know now, I started seriously wondering about the maker's of this movie and the funders. She makes a joke in it about what happens "when a "Sweetish" cell gang-divides a cheerleader's cell". And then at the end she is leaving a red rose on the grave of a woman who is portrayed to look like me, and has a tombstone with my birth date on it and then the year of my rape as well. (1974-1998) There were things throughout this movie that made me wonder about a few things. It was made in the year 2000 (so it says on the back).

However, I was mainly still thinking about Middleton stuff, so my perspective was going with that. I had wondered last night why I didn't see blood and which way it went and if God would show me that but I didn't spend a lot of time on it.

Then I made blackberry sauce and the first batch was fine but then I put too many berries in and I was going to jar it up so I tore off this sticker and there was a white space for writing and I wrote on it, as a lable, "Who Tortured Oliver". Not how I usually lable my food and storage things. But I thought, this will help me to remember what kind of information I am looking for and welcome from others. I have some ideas, but I need documentation and anything someone has might be good.

So I wrote this on the jar before I knew the blackberry sauce was going to spill over. And it splattered a tiny bit but I've never boiled anything over before, but then, after 4:00 or 4:30 or so, sometime after this, I moved a coat out of the way just in case and then it did and I thought mainly about Jordanian assassinations or whatever it was that I saw with someone being shot and then too, when it ran a little, I wiped it up and then poured it into the jar I had labled "Who Tortured Oliver" and I hadn't known ahead of time, that it was going to run like blood and when I bottled it, I thought, "This is what will happen to those responsible for torturing my son." I mean, the really bad ones, and I have no weird plan or anything of course. I have never been violent in any way, not even in arguments...I'm verbal, not assaultive, period. But I think God takes care of things His own way sometimes and I know that my God has not agreed with what has happened to my son. How could anyone?

It's a little weird, I must say, to put a jar on the counter or in the fridge that says Who Tortured Oliver on it. But there is no voodoo idea with it for me at all, it is only to remind me of my aim at having my son returned to me in an expedient manner, and also, hoping that someone might be able to get their hands on some kind of evidence.

I was at the house and then left and peeled some bark off of a Eucalyptus tree so one trunk was smooth and the bark didn't hang down ragged, and then I went in and finished making my sauce.

It is really not a big deal. I also scouted out in the woods this early evening since I haven't yet and search all the woods and got familiar with our property and what's around it and I got rid of a little trash but not lots. The woods are very thick, but I found my way around. I was getting ready to curl my hair in rollers tonight and then found all these sticks, leaves, and moss in my hair, next the knot at the nape of my neck. Like I said, thick woods. Ferns, grasses, huge mushrooms hard as a rock and growing underneath branches, mosses, roots, fallen trees, growing trees, little plants of every kind.

My Dad asked if I'd been out that day and I said, no, not during the day except for a couple things but I was early evening and I said it was cold. He said get out now while it's still daylight savings because I will wish I could more when the weather was bad. Which is true, bc it rains here a lot from what I hear, and it's colder and some parts flood a little. I can't remember when daylight savings ends but we all noticed it was dark by 8 already. My Dad asked my Mom if it ends in September and she said she thought so and someone said it will be worse in October.

I think the weather definitely takes a turn over here, about that time of year. So I suppose I will get out as much as I can, and try to take advantage of the good weather while it's still here.

And then I was thinking about my case with my son and how it hasn't been honored. They said, "You catch more flies with honey" and I said, "Not if what they want is money." I said, "These people involved with this case are all in it for money. It does NOT matter how nice I am, or sweet, or about catching flies with honey. They're getting paid to screw me over and that's all they care about. So I try to be polite, and not be rude, and it hasn't made a difference. And no matter how much honey you give someone, if they want money, they could care less about how nice you are. They care about MONEY, not honey."

Besides, they already know it's a sham case and they're working it anyways. So they said, maybe the Judges, and courts, but what about my firm, and I said, "I have been asking them to help me with getting the withheld evidence from the start." I was asked what happened and I said, "They blocked me from even talking to them, and I WAS being polite and nice. And I did ask them about helping me with the withheld evidence because that's what I wanted in my appeal and it makes it stronger."

I was asked, "Did they say WHY they aren't helping with that?"

I said, "No, she hung up on me and then the other guy said they couldn't communicate. I asked them in writing but I guess I never got a response in writing, even though they blew me off on the phone."

So I was told, "Get it in writing."

Which I am doing. I sent an email to their entire firm, and asked that all Sr. Partners be copied on it, and to please respond as to why they refuse to file a motion for an extension of time on behalf of their client and why exactly are they, have they, refused to request or inquire about withheld evidence that I've listed?

I made a list guys.

I have gangsters (corporate or not, govt. or not, it's all the same), keeping me out of money, and they know I wouldn't bribe them anyway. There is no amount of kindness or sweetness in the world that matches what greedy people want. If they want incentives, money or social promotion or awards, they sell out to the highest bidder.

Sell OUT.

From what I've seen, they could care less about any child. Why they are in the child business, is like asking someone why they might make child porn but they don't watch it...or why they make a drug, but they don't sell it to their people. They use kids to profit themselves and get revenge in social arenas. And that is the truth, and if they can get their revenge by trying to torture people and call it top secret and then make their enemy sound crazy if they try to do something, they don't care.

What is it, exactly, that makes them care? That's legal?

Nothing.

I know of not one single legal thing I've tried, that has worked, and this is when I am innocent and they know it, and they're in the wrong. Nothing appeals to them. Nothing appeals to them, not any kind of concept of morality, justice, "the truth shall set you free" (liars), or empathy. Nothing reaches these people. Literally.

So what do you do when nothing works?

I really do not know. I am trying to get some things in writing, I guess, that they wouldn't allow me to get before because they said they wouldn't email. Well, I explained to them I couldn't afford normal postage and email was it for me, and they still couldn't manage to explain why they wouldn't obtain withheld evidence.

I guess if nothing works, you have to go gang-busters on the gangs.

I think they're using things, like my son, and our personal welfare and safety, as bait to get us to do whatever they want for them and then look bad ourselves too, or not reach our own full potential.

Then, what am I faced with out in the woods? Oh great. The "fairy ring" and the magic trolls that must be hiding under the banks. No one would even believe me if I said what happened. I went out and crossed this stream after passing another frog (different one), and I decided to explore. I saw these giant fantastic mushrooms, growing upside down from trees in a huge umbrella shape but smooth surface on the top. They grow like upside-down pies, that's the shape. And I just thought, "what weird mushrooms" and crossed the stream to look at one and I tapped on one with my knuckle. I knocked on it to see how hard it was. And the most bizarre thing, was that after I tapped on this mushroom, birds flew over to me from out of nowhere. And they started to sing. I am not kidding. They flew up after I knocked on this huge mushroom (it sounds like an LSD trip, but no, I'm not doing drugs) and started chirping and singing loudly and hovered around me. And then, seeing me, they got closer. They were inches away. They came right above my head and in front of me, all grouped up and I counted them and there were 4. I counted them, I guess, because I thought it was so weird and they sang so loudly I wondered how many because there was so much music. They weren't just chirpers, they were singing birds, and I have never had birds show up out of the blue like that, all at once, and begin singing over my head and in front of me. I swear, from my own face, they were no more than 5 inches away. All of them, within 1 foot of my head. So um, no, it was not the normal everyday experience with nature in the woods. I later thought about it and realized they all showed up after I tapped on this mushroom and then looked underneath at it. It was like they heard me knocking or something...but it was so quiet. And one minute nothing was there and the next minute, 4 singing birds were all around me, literally, all of them within 1 foot, and some closer than that. Then they would sing a few minutes and then trade places but still, keeping near to my face. I was just crouched there, looking over the mushrooms and starting at these birds in the branches.

Not normal.

So if 4 birds can show up out of nowhere and serenade me, and be so endearing, on the one occasion that I tapped on a mushroom, why can't a few trolls be turned into decent people for once in their lives?

I don't get it.

I guess it comes down to the thing about God again, where sometimes God does something or wants something to be done, but allows free will and some abuse that free will to block the choices of others and restrict their happiness and freedom.

But I don't know if the bird thing was voodoo or wiccan, or God, or what. No one was around me. I was alone. And I have not had a drop of liquor since November and I haven't done drugs of any kind. They were tiny little singing black birds. Little ones. Not like crows or blackbirds, but like tiny little finches with trilling and happy voices. Black and grey and a little white I think. Little canary sized birds. Very cheerful and fluffling their feathers and happy to sing and facing me when they sang.

It was not normal.

I need to get some sleep.

I want my son back. I don't know how it can be undone, but the wrong must be undone.